The Group's Story
by Heath Lord of Darkness
Summary: Summary: When you mix eight people together with an RPG, you get what could just be known as our Group wondering...well, nevermind what you wonder. This is the ultimate parody of every RPG. and now Ch. 11! Side stories are done!
1. The Beginning

Author's note: This story is based off of somewhat true events. The battle system, character system, and everything else are my own crazy ideas, and are not to be taken lightly. Any resemblance to a real person or persons is intentional and is used with or without permission, depending. Flames are not acceptable, and any and/or all people who send them are susceptible to painful demises.   
  
  
So this is our story. It's not what you would call very amazing; hell, it's somewhat boring. That's what you get when you gather our Group together and put them onto an adventure. It's what we deserve.  
  
We are resting in an inn, the kind that can restore your health with one night. We've been here for four days, just because Zan wants to fully rest up. Whatever. He, Cat and Julio are playing cards at a table, and Julio is slamming beers as fast as they're served. We'll need to sedate him again before dragging to bed. Cat seems to be winning again - Zan is a terrible card player, and Julio is too drunk to play right.   
  
Zan is our Black Mage. He has the blue robes and the straw hat, the gloves, the short height, everything. His hat is hanging on his rod, which is leaning against his chair. His hair is tied in a ponytail, as always - he seems to think he could be Citan.   
  
Julio is the Fighter. He's a little taller than Zan, and is much bulkier. He has a broadsword that deals extra damage to ogres - we seem to be encountering lots of them lately. Other than that, he's kinda nondescript, except he wears glasses. He also has a Desert Eagle stuck in the back of his belt, but he doesn't have any bullets - and probably never will.  
  
Catriana, or Cat for short, is our Ninja. She's the shortest in the group, even more so than Zan. Her shoulder-length brown hair is in a ponytail, and her two ninja swords are next to her chair. She's really thin, and very flexible, and incessantly nice.  
  
At a different table are Sifian and Ariadani. Sifian is a Monk - he has a fancier name for it, but I don't know it. His hair is longer than Zan's, and is kinda scraggly. He hasn't shaved in a while, either. Despite being a Monk, he uses a staff with attachable ends, from spears to naginata.   
  
Ariadani, or just Ari, is sitting in his lap. She's a Gypsy - but she's really more like a thief, except she also steals children. But I know some thieves who would do so. Her abnormally long hair is tied back, and she has a bow, arrows, and a dagger.  
  
Alexander, our White Mage, is clogging while playing the piccolo. He has red hair, and glasses as well. He's got the white robes, and a staff that increases his magic power. I don't know how he can clog and play the piccolo at the same time, but he does.  
  
That leaves just me, Heath, as the only other person in the room. I'm the tallest person by far, at 6 foot 1. I have brown hair, and I'm in all black, as always. There's a wakazashi hidden in my trench coat, and a poisoned dagger with it. I have a ring of invisibility hanging on a chain around my neck, and an amulet of agility with it. We all have some strange magic items; Zan has a shoelace that increases his max MP. Problem is, his boots have no laces - so he just tied it to his boot and somehow it works. Sometimes you just don't ask with these kinds of adventures.  
  
The timer at the bottom of the menu ticks by slowly. We are all waiting for Hagmore to come back, but he's taking his time. Finally Zan, apparently tired of losing, turns and asks, "Where is Hagmore? He left over an hour ago!"   
  
Ari sat up in Sifian's lap. "Well, he did say he was going to but some things we needed..."  
  
"Well, he's taking his time." Zan looked at his hand and threw it away. "I quit. This game sucks." Cat managed to look indignant, but no one's watching her, so she shuffles the cards while sulking. Julio starts snoring. I roll my eyes.  
  
Just then Cardinal Hagmore XXIII the Paladin walks through the door. He's about the same height as the others, except he's in full plate armor, with a two-handed sword and a red mantle. He doesn't look like a warrior at all, with his long hair and glasses, but no one cares in this case. He reminds me of Garai, but without the dual swords. "Hagmore!" Zan exclaimed. "Where were you?"   
  
"I happened to talk to the guy who continued the story, and I had to fill in for everyone's lines since you weren't there, and I couldn't just leave him." The Cardinal tossed a key on the table. "He said this would open the cave door."  
  
"Well, Julio won't be happy about that." Julio had insisted that the door could be opened by force, but despite it was an incredibly shabby and rotted door, it wouldn't break. I don't understand how that works, but no one ever does.  
  
"Well, we still have to wait one more day, since Julio's already drunk." For once, I got to say a line. And people actually listened to me. With a sigh, I got up and paid the innkeeper. As soon as everyone was in bed, which happened simultaneously, night came and we were asleep. I wish I knew how this world worked.   
  
The next day, everyone was fully restored (again) and Julio's hangover was cured instantly. As soon as we did a quick equipment check, we set out for the cave again.  
  
The cave wasn't far away, but we were attacked by three ogres on the way. Julio took care of one in two hits, doing nearly triple his normal damage, while Hagmore, Sifian and Cat hacked away on the second. Zan started casting Bolt 2 on the third, but I finished it off with a few hits from my wakazashi. We collected our spoils and entered the cave.  
  
The first room was monster-free. Hagmore opened the door with the key while Julio grumbled. We walked through into a mine, only to be attack by a few disgruntled miners, who attacked with pickaxes and shovels. Real dangerous weapons. I stabbed one with my dagger, and he fell twitching as the poison killed him. Hagmore decapitated another while Julio stabbed a third. Zan blew most of them away with Fire 3, and Cat used a Flame tech to finish them off. One tried to run, but Ari shot him in the back.  
  
For some reason, the mine was a complex maze with an even stranger assortment of monsters suddenly inhabiting it. Bats, which always took one hit to kill and didn't even have that high of agility, were accompanied by a spell-casting jester. Where those came from, is another mystery no one will ever solve. There are far too many to cover in an RPG.   
  
There were also ogres from the world map, and we dealt with them as we always do. Sometimes we were attacked by a group of goblins, or a giant spider. The goblins were easy, but the spiders could sometimes poison you. There were also some large worms with big attack power and no defense.  
  
We came to a puzzle room. In it were some switches and several blocked doors. There was a mine cart filled with explosives, and by flipping the switches, we could direct the cart to a different door. Only Hagmore or Sifian could push it, though - it was one of their non-battle 'skills'. Real skill. We flipped some switches and Hagmore pushed it to one of the doorways. The cart exploded, opening the way through.  
  
The first door was empty, of course. It always is. The second had some new armor for Hagmore or Julio - it only increased Julio's defense, so he put it on. The third had a chest with some potions in it, not that we needed them.   
  
In the fourth door was our way to continue. But there was a group of ugly monsters currently blocking our path. "What the hell?" Julio said. "Why are there a new type of monster already?"  
  
"Maybe it's a mini-boss..." Zan suggested. Hagmore scratched his head and fingered his sword. Sifian and Ari were happily holding each other, and Alexander was chatting idly with Cat. I sat down and waited for them to attack.  
  
Someone should have realized that we needed to approach them for them to attack us. As it was, we waited for almost an hour before Julio got impatient and started walking right towards them, intending to continue the 'quest'. This instantly started some dialogue. "Look!" he said, pointing. "These monsters are blocking the way!"  
  
"How are we supposed to get through this?" Cat asked.  
  
"Well, we could always fight them..." Sifian suggested.  
  
"I like how you think, Sifian!" Hagmore said, finally drawing his sword. "Let's rumble!"  
  
"Good God..." I muttered to myself while standing up. "Don't tell me the censers got us, too?"  
  
I went first and stabbed two of them, one with the dagger, the other with the wakazashi. The first fell twitching, the second with it's throat cut. One attacked me, but I dodged it. Cat was attacked by one and was hit once, dealing average damage. She countered by cutting off one of its arms, then casting the Blitz tech. Ari stole from one of them and got a glove from somewhere. Sifian beat the same one into unconsciousness with his staff. Zan cast Ice 2 on it to finish it off. Julio was attacked by another, and was poisoned from the attack. It was a normal poison, not nearly as potent as that on my dagger, so no one was worried. He attacked and managed to weaken one with his sword, and Hagmore stepped in and killed it and another. He then used a sword skill to kill another on the other side of the battlefield. Alexander cast the Holy spell on the last and put it in the red, but it still lived. It could have attempted to attack one of us, but Cat stabbed it to death before it could even get its first turn.  
  
We walked into the next room, which was enemy-free. Cat turned to Alexander and said, "Can I be healed now?"  
  
Alexander looked at her amusedly. "Can't you just use a potion? Why waste my MP?" Cat began to tell him why he would cast a healing spell, shaking her finger at him and using obscene language. Hagmore and Zan sat back and laughed, and Julio would have as well, except he needed to be cured of his poison.   
  
I looked around the room. There was a large statue in the center of the room of a woman holding a moon. A statue of Althena. I walked up to it a tapped it. "Fill me with your sweet lovin', small shrine," I murmured. I was instantly restored of all HP and MP. I looked at the others. "Guys, we can use this..." Of course, no one heard me. They often don't.  
  
Bored by their squabbling, I opened the menu screen and started looking at everyone stats. You must be wondering why we can beat these enemies with so little difficulty. Well, we got stuck in a dungeon for a few hours, and ended up gaining about five extra levels before we got out. So here we are right now: Julio is level 48, Zan level 43, Cat the highest of us at level 49, the Cardinal is level 46, Alexander is level 45, and Ari and Sifian are level 44.   
  
Julio is the all-around character. He and Hagmore kinda share the leadership, but I guess he's the closest to a main character as we get. All his stats are pretty good - 63 strength, 68 stamina, 44 magic power, and 43 agility. His special attack is Whoop-Ass. I'm not kidding. It's kind of like Blitz and Swordtech combined into one. He has fairly basic equipment: the chain mail he just picked up is resistant to fire, and he has a small shield that can block magic 20% of the time. He also has THE helmet. The Helmet is practically indestructible, and has every type of sensor in it, as well as a stereo. It also has an AI in it, and it goes by the name of Joe.  
  
Zan is exactly like a stereotypical Black Mage. 78 magic power, and 2 stamina. His spells are the general favorites: Fire, Ice, Bolt, the rather fun Quake spell, and he's still learning the higher levels spells like Pearl and Flare. His staff increases magic power and is fire elemental. There's also a piranha living in his hat. Sometimes, you just don't ask.  
  
Catriana has rather high agility and attack, physical and magical, but has the defense of a stick. I've been wondering where we could find a Merit Award so she could equip some real armor, but there's no chance of that. She can also throw weapons and such, and her Ninja magic works wonders in all situations. She has a ring that increases her magic power.  
  
Cardinal Hagmore XXIII has the strength of the gods. His two-handed Holy Avenger sword adds to his strength and is enhanced by holy damage attributes, and it generally breaks bones if the enemy lives. His armor is magic plate, so it weighs next to nothing and it still incredibly resistant. His helmet adds even more to his already obscene protection, so he takes about four damage, max. His mantle also adds to his magic evade. His sword skills make him a force to be reckoned with, even if he isn't very fast.  
  
Alexander is a lot like Zan. But where Zan has a bit more attack than defense, Alexander has a bit more defense than attack. Meaning he has 3 stamina instead of Zan's 2. He has almost all his spells, and is only missing some of the highest spells, like Life 3, and the few summoning spells he can learn.   
  
Ari is kind of an archer-like character, with the steal ability. She's very proficient with her bow, and her steal abilities are enhanced by a ring she found somewhere. Her stats are well rounded, but lower than Julio's. She just sits back and lets us take the brunt of the damage while she safely shoots at them.  
  
Sifian has some major strength and defense, but lacks big time in the magic department. He doesn't wear much armor, because he really doesn't have to. (On a side note, Hagmore doesn't need to either, but the armor makes him more imposing.) His assorted attachable polearm heads have a variety of different status effects, depending. He can also utilize his Monk abilities, which are kinda cool.  
  
I am level 47. 44 strength, 77 stamina, 85 agility, and 65 magic power. My natural evade is a 67% chance, and 41% for magic evade. While my attack power may only be 147, I can get up to five attacks a turn if I use only the dagger, and three with just the wakazashi. Two with both. The wakazashi has a 65% chance of critical hit, and the dagger almost always causes Venom to them. My coat nullifies all elemental damage and absorbs black attacks, but does shit for my defense, while the ring increases the defense even more to absorb fire and wind. I have a wide-brimmed black hat that increases my speed and magic defense, but I can't equip shields. Problem is, I've been cursed by my arch-enemy, so now people only notice me less than half of the time. However, this can be an advantage.  
  
The others have finished their argument when I close the menu, and Alexander lost, so he heals Cat and Julio. Around then Zan discovers the use of the Althena statue, and Alexander gets a little upset at that. We heal up and head out, after using the obvious save point in the room.  
  
Through this door we exited the mine into a mountain path. "That was it?" Julio demanded, looking back into the mine. "We must have missed something! Let's go back!"   
  
"There's no need..." Hagmore started as Julio ran back inside. "I was going to say I made a map, and we covered everything, but..." He shrugged and sighed. We patiently waited for Julio to come barging out. After a few minutes, Julio did not appear.   
  
"Maybe something happened to him." Cat suggested.  
  
"Nah, he's probably just building up so he can be the real main character." Zan said. Hagmore bristled at that.  
  
"WHAT! Doesn't he know that the big warrior-type guy is always the main character?! I have to stop him!" Hagmore charged back inside, unsheathing his Holy Avenger. We all just stared after him.   
  
"That's not exactly true..." I finally started. "Neither Zidane, Terra, or Serge were really fighters..." But it was a little too late to tell him that.   
  
"Cards, anyone?" Cat asked, sitting down and pulling a deck out from somewhere. Zan took a step away from her, holding his hands in front of him.  
  
"No way. Every time I play cards with you I always lose." It was true. Cat had the largest amount of gold out of everyone. She sniffed and took on a hurt look.  
  
"B-b-but Zaaaan..." she said, doing her best puppy dog eyes, "you said you would play until you won, remember?" She looked so innocent you would almost believe she was. Zan sighed.  
  
"Fine. Deal."  
  
"Yay!" she exclaimed happily - as if Zan had a choice - and started dealing the cards. "Anyone else?"  
  
"No thank you," Ari said, resting her head on Sifian's shoulder. They looked very content.  
  
"Iie," I muttered. I sat down and pulled out a Rubik's Cube and started fiddling with it.  
  
"Oh, what the hell," Alexander said and sat down with them. Cat happily dealt the cards and they started the game. Zan started losing before a minute was up. I toyed with the Cube for a while until I finished half of it. Then I glanced up. "Where are Julio and Hagmore?"  
  
***  
  
"Julio!"  
  
Hagmore stumbled over the body of a dead ogre. He ran down the hall way, looking every which way, ready for anything. Julio would pay for this   
insurrection. "Where are you, Julio?!" A spider appeared before him - he hacked it apart before the battle could even begin. Just then Julio appeared.  
  
"Hey, thanks, Hagmore! I hate spiders," Julio said with a grin. Hagmore nearly erupted with rage.  
  
"JULIO! YOU ARE SO DEAD!" he shouted, shaking his Holy Avenger at him. "You aren't getting away with this! I am the main character!" He was about ready to start smashing something.  
  
"Uh...Hagmore? What are you talking about?" Julio said questioningly, scratching his head.  
  
"You know what I mean! Trying to usurp my authority!"   
  
"What?"  
  
"I'll kill you for this, Julio! RAAAARGH!!"  
  
"Oh, shit."  
  
***  
  
"I don't care...blue."  
  
"Damn! Not again!" Zan threw his hands up in anguish. "Why do I keep losing?"  
  
"Maybe you just suck." I murmured, carving a stick. "Plus, your favorite color is blue. Try picking something better."  
  
"Oh, shut up." Zan started to curse at me in Japanese. After a while. I gave him the finger and started ignoring him. He pulled out his notepad and started drawing. Zan had lost all his money to Cat, and Alexander wasn't faring too well either. Cat was gleefully taking a large sum of money from the middle while Alexander stared in disbelief at her cards. Ari and Sifian hadn't moved. My Rubik's Cube was lying in the dirt next to me, finished. I spat again and glanced at the cave. "Why the hell are we still waiting out here? This scene is just screaming for a boss to come and kick our asses."  
  
"I'm sure Hagmore is more than capable of getting Julio out of whatever trouble he's in." Cat said cheerfully as she raked in more money.  
  
"Yeah, but Julio is better at getting himself out of his own problems. That man is the most accident-prone person I've ever met. I'd be more worried about Hagmore than Julio."  
  
True to my words, Julio strolled out of the cave, carrying an unconscious Cardinal. He dumped him on the ground, dusted his hands, and looked around. "Zan, get me my shovel."  
  
"What?" Zan said, looking up from his drawing, blinking. I sighed and laid back as Cat and Ari berated Julio for beating up on Hagmore. Julio just sat there, arms folded, not moving. Eventually they gave up and forced Alexander to heal him. Hagmore just laid there for a moment, blinking at the sun. After a few moments, he tried to look around, but really couldn't.   
  
"Can someone help me up?" he pleaded, lifting his arms. "This armor is really heavy." Grumbling, I assisted Sifian and Julio in getting the Paladin up. He dusted himself off and pointed a finger at Julio. "I'll get you. Later."   
  
With that over with, we set out again. I walked, deep in thought, not paying attention to much around me. I do this a lot. So far, we were thirty-three hours into the quest, and still not even a hint of who or what the final boos might be. And we weren't delaying. We've been pushing the story line as fast as we can go. There hasn't even been an evil minion yet. We did save some kids from a burning house, and managed to stop a regicide, but other than that, everything has just been a random thing to do.   
  
A sudden crash brought me back to reality. I looked around and saw Zan diving to avoid being crushed by a giant foot. The foot was attached to a large storm giant, a huge grin on its face. "Ah, shit," I muttered. I reached for my blades, the quickly realized they would be ineffective. None of my magic would either, so I ran behind a tree.  
  
I watched the carnage. The giant was attempting to either step on people or grab them. Julio was hacking away at its ankle, with Hagmore attempted his sword skills. Neither did much damage. Cat threw some ninja stars at it and cast Flame. Zan unloaded a Quake spell on it, dealing some decent damage. The giant moaned and grabbed the Black Mage. As Zan squealed, it reared back and punted him as hard as it could. I watched him sail through the air, his scream of anguish fading into nothingness. I vaguely wondered if we would survive this encounter. Just then, there was rumbling. I glanced out and stared. Between the giant's stomping and Zan's Quake, an avalanche had started. I started cursing as the boulders came swarming over us.   
  
"Run for it!" Julio shouted, taking off down the path. The others weren't far behind him.  
  
"Why do we always run away when there's no possible way to outrun an avalanche...?" I wondered aloud as I followed them on silent feet. A cut scene began.  
  
We run down the mountain, dodging boulders as well as we could. I hurdle a broken log, narrowly avoiding being crushed. A flurry of smaller rocks begins to pelt us. A boulder nearly crushes Ari, but Sifian pulles her out of the way just in time. The boulders started becoming bigger.   
  
Suddenly, a giant boulder comes crashing down on us. We cower, but suddenly something stops it. It was... (dramatic pause) Julio!  
  
"Go!" he bellowed, and we quickly run. I take a glance back at him. (screen quickly pulls away from Julio)  
  
"Hurry up, Julio!" Cat yells. Julio grunts in reply as rocks start to pelt him. Suddenly, he simply sinks into the ground as the rock crushes him. (close-up of surprised/anguished Cat) I grab her and dart off, not looking back.   
  
We barely make it to the bottom alive. (scene of us gasping for breath) We stare at the rubble that is now Julio's grave. (camera pans on all of us, showing our reactions: Ari is crying, Sifian is comforting her, Hagmore is shaking his head and offering a small prayer for him, Alexander is bowing his head in respect, Cat is staring in astonishment, and I spit on the ground - with justice)  
  
"Well, that was all nice, but why are we waiting?" I asked. No one responds. I ask again, and get a little reaction. "Can we leave?"  
  
"How can you be so heartless?" Cat yelled at me. "Julio just died for us! Show some respect!"   
  
"He ain't dead. Can we leave?"  
  
"What makes you say that?"  
  
"Well, let's see." I started ticking items off on my fingers. "There's no sad music playing, someone's crying, we haven't given him a burial since his body isn't here, (which it would be if he were dead), and he's standing right over there!"   
  
"Hi, guys!"  
  
"So let's go!" With that, I started walking away.  
  
"But...he's going the other way..." Alexander started before I cut him off.  
  
"So? We have to follow the sign!" I pointed to a sign that stood a few feet away from us. It simply read:  
  
Plot this way --  
  
"Does that answer your question?" I finished and waited. The others just stared at where Julio had been a few moments ago (offscreen, by the way). I guess my curse had taken into effect again. It would be a very long day.  
  
To be continued... 


	2. Continue?

I'd like to take a moment to inform my readers of the developments of this story. Just so you know, I'll spend each chapter making fun of at least two games from now on, but every chapter will hold the basic humors of most RPGs each time. (The first chapter was just an introductory chapter, btw) With that in mind, read on...  
  
  
After our unsuccessful attempts to find Julio and Zan, we set out to the closest town on our map, which was a little village in Alenovian territory. It was mostly open plain all the way there, save for the border gate. We strolled on down, Hagmore in the lead, not really doing much except for talking. The conversation was mostly on random topics, like the time we were filming for a home movie when we discovered the time lapse control, and started doing all sorts of crazy things, like multiple fight scenes, and then Hagmore -  
  
Krrsh-krshhh!  
  
That was about when we got attacked by EvlDemons. Four of 'em. I waited patiently for the stupid camera to stop panning all over the place and settle on one spot so we could start the battle. They got the jump on us, so we had to wait for the time bars to fill...which I always hate because it purposely goes slower than usual...  
  
Anyway, the first Demon attacked Alexander, who took some pretty deadly damage. The second used a PowrUP spell on itself, and the third cast UnHoly on us. I was fine, but the others took varying amounts of damage. Alexander was now in critical, and Sifian was almost there, too. The others were all at about half their normal HP. The fourth Demon attacked Hagmore, but he blocked it with his sword.  
  
Me and Cat attacked almost simultaneously. I went for the one than had cast PowrUP, and Cat attacked the first one. I finished mine off with two consecutive hits from the wakazashi, and Cat left hers in the red. Sifian turned his quarterstaff into a trident and stabbed the weakened one to death. Ari supplied Sifian with a Hi-potion, and Alexander cast Cure 3 on everyone. Hagmore charged the third Demon and wailed on it with his Avenger, killing it. The fourth Demon was left alone.  
  
We all got ready to attack, ready to finish the fight. That was when it called on reinforcements. Six new EvlDemons showed up, all ready to cook our asses. We stared in shock at these new numbers.  
  
"Did we save?" I asked quietly, maintaining a calm composure.   
  
"Uhh...I don't think so..." Hagmore managed to get out. I nodded to myself.   
  
Three of the new Demons combined their strength into a forth, which powered up by drawing darkness into itself. After a moment, it raised one clawed hand and an enormous ball of dark energy began to grow. With that, it pointed at us with a growled, "Dark Flare!"  
  
The resulting explosion that followed was rather painful-looking. I personally didn't feel a thing, thanks to my coat, but the others were trashed. Alexander was wiped out first, quickly followed by Hagmore - he is a Paladin, after all. Cat fell after them, and Sifian and Ari were the last. I was left standing alone.   
  
"Fuck."  
  
The other three Demons closed in on me, and I pulled out my dagger. In a blur, I stabbed them all once, and the Venom quickly took over. I darted towards the other four and had to stab one twice to get the Venom to kick in. I was left waiting for my next turn.  
  
The first cast UnHoly on me again, which did nothing. But monsters always do that when you're in this kind of situation. The second swung at me with a huge, clawed hand, and I barely avoided it. What I hadn't counted on was its second attack. This one tore me apart. I knew I should have worn better armor, but no, I was getting cocky because I could never be hit...I went sprawling and lay flat on my face. My chest hurt...my head was pounding...panic and chaos ran through my brain like wildfire...I painfully waited for the end.   
  
Nothing came.  
  
After a moment, I opened my eyes, expecting to see the 'Game Over' sign. Instead, I saw something that amazed me. The three remaining Demons were bowing to someone who was approaching. My vision failed and blurred for a moment, and when It cleared, someone was standing in front of me. I tried to focus when a voice said to me, "Well, well, well. If it isn't a group of wandering heroes with good intents. Why am I not surprised? You king of people always try to kill my Demons."  
  
I finally focused and saw who the person in front of me was. It was a girl, probably not much older than me, with straight brown hair and bangs. She wore rather skimpy and skintight clothing, and she looked fairly evil. A pair of ninja swords hung at her sides. "But they always fail," she continued in a mocking tone, "just like you people. I'm impressed you managed to kill even one of them, much less eight. But they reproduce like rabbits, so I'm hardly worried." She seemed to be sizing me up. "You're a scrawny fellow. I'm not surprised you almost died with one hit. Weaklings like you shouldn't even be out here."  
  
I wanted to respond, but I barely had the energy to keep my eyes open. So I shut up.  
  
"Well, how should I kill you?" She continued lazily. "You've left me with a variety of options. I could torture you, feed you to my pets, hang you upside-down for a few days...so many choices, so little time."  
  
"Who...are...you?" I managed to get out. She gave a coy look.  
  
"What should that matter to you? You'll be dead in a moment anyway. Well, I guess the last thing I can tell you is my name. I am Seniana. Take that with you on your trip to Hell." Her ninja swords were suddenly in her hands, and she prepared the deathblow. I closed my eyes and waited calmly.   
  
Again, nothing. I looked at her, and saw that a small, flying demonish thing was flapping incessantly by her. She was looking at a small piece of paper. She glanced at me and smiled.  
  
"Well, you got lucky," Seniana said with a smile. "I've called back by my boss. But don't get too thrilled; I'll be back in ten minutes, at least. Bye-bye." With that, she created a portal and stepped through it.   
  
I wasted no time. With ten minutes counting down in my head (and at the top corner of the screen) I crawled over to the closest of the others, who was Alexander. I used a Fenix Down on him, and soon everyone was back on their feet.  
  
After we were all healed up, Cat turned to me. "So what happened to you? Did you fight off the rest of them by yourself?"  
  
"Sort of. I kinda got screwed over by the EvlDemons, but then this lady appeared, and she said some crap about killing people, all well and good, and then she left, but..." I trailed off as a portal reappeared where the last one had been. Seniana stepped through, looking a little pissed.  
  
"That goddam bitch, who does she think she is? I'm not her little puppet, I have my own agenda! I can't just drop everything and leave!" That's when she noticed us. Then she got really pissed. "What the hell? I thought you were incapacitated!"  
  
"Yeah, well, it just sucks to be you." Now that I was healed, it was back to the old cocky me. And that just threw her over the edge. She pointed at us and shouted, "Flame tech!" A burst of fire shot towards us, but Alexander cast Shell, which lowered the damage to minimal. Hagmore rushed her with his sword, but he couldn't lay a finger on her - she was just too damn fast. He used a sword tech, but she blocked it with a Dark Shield. Sifian tried to double-team her with Hagmore, but she made them look like bumbling fools.  
  
"Hey," Alexander started. "I think I just learned a new summon. Should I try it on her?"  
  
"Whatever works."  
  
"Alright, then." The sky went dark as several multi-colored ovals with kanji on them were drawn into him. He pointed towards the sky and shouted, "Summon Vose!"  
  
Somewhere in Nevada...  
  
A white pick-up is driving across the desert. "Huh? Someone call my name?"  
  
Anyway...  
  
"Nothing's happening."  
  
"Give him some time!" Alexander fretted. "He might be doing something!"  
  
"Whatever...I wouldn't count on it." With that, I entered the carnage.  
  
Seniana was running circles around Hagmore and Sifian. Ari was standing helplessly by, unable to get a clear shot in. Cat had been hit by Hagmore's rather large sword, and was rubbing her head and giving him evil looks. Since I figured she would have immunity to Venom (all bosses do), I drew my wakazashi.  
  
Finally seeing a chance to use some of my special skills, I paused for a moment to select a good one. Then the fun began.  
  
"Image Splice!" With that, six images of me all flew out and converged upon Seniana. She did a double take and tried to fend them all off; but they were all harmless. Just a distraction. When her back was turned, I ran in and attacked.   
  
The first hit was a critical blow. Seniana went sprawling as the damage was calculated. The second came as she was standing up. I hit her in the side, actually launching her into the air - another critical. I jumped after her, prepared to strike the third attack, but in midair she twisted and kicked me in the face - an unexpected counter attack. I hit the ground hard. As I rubbed my head, I muttered, "Where's the damn red boxes when you need them...?" I got back on my feet.  
  
The battle raged on - as well as any turn-based system could rage. Despite the fact that there were six of us and just one of her, Seniana was doing some serious ass whooping. Probably because she got about six turns for every one of ours.   
  
Hagmore went up to attack. He did a sword thrust, followed by two swings, then spun and hit her again. However, instead of continuing the attack, he jumped back to his original position. I stared at him. "Why didn't you continue attacking? What was up with that?"  
  
"Didn't you see?" Hagmore said, watching her intently. "I missed the fifth box, so I couldn't finish the Addition."   
  
I just stared at him. "Am I the only one who finds something wrong, here?" Just then, Seniana jumped foreword and attacked the Cardinal. Despite all the time he had to defend the attack, he simply stood there and let her hit him.  
"Ow," he said, picking himself up. "That really hurt."  
  
"Once again...why did you let her hit you, then?"  
  
"Well, duh. It's not like I can just dodge her attack. My evade percentage is so low, and her hit percentage is really high! There's no way I could have avoided it!"  
  
I rolled my eyes and slapped a hand to my head. "What did I do to deserve this?"  
  
As I was wallowing in self-pity, Cat ran up and attacked. She jumped back, and there was a pause, followed by Seniana suddenly doubling over, clutching her side. "Don't think you've won," she said. "I'll be back!" With that, she teleported out, leaving a large bag of gold and another labeled 'EXP'. These were collected.  
  
"You know, she said not to think we've won, but isn't this a victory?" I said to my self, not expecting an answer.   
  
"This is an empty victory until we can discover the true evil behind her intentions..." Hagmore said dramatically, staring into the sunset. Everyone else stared with him, while I beat myself on the head. As I sat down on the ground, another thought came to mind.  
  
"I don't want to spoil the plot line, but did anyone else notice Seniana looks amazingly like Catriana?" No one heard. "Never mind."   
  
With the spoils collected, we headed out to our original destination, that one town that we didn't know the name of until we entered. I glanced down at the words that appeared at the bottom of the screen. "Draobdrac, huh. What a dumb name for a town."  
  
We strolled in. Hagmore turned and addressed us. "Well, everyone, I guess we should split up. Ari and Sifian, you two go find the mayor or whoever he is and find our next subquest. Cat and Alexander, you two go collect information. I'll go find an inn and seek out the shops." He looked around. "Where'd Heath go?"  
  
"Right here."  
  
"Well, I'm sure he's around here somewhere," Ari said. "He'll show up eventually." But Hagmore was getting a suspicious look on his face.  
  
"Well," he finished, "I guess it can't be helped. Let's go." With that, they all headed out. I was left holding the map. There was a very long pause. "Whatever," I muttered.  
  
Draobdrac was a very stupid town. There was no activity, no interesting mystic items, no ancient legends, nothing good at all. Even the shops sold stupid stuff. I hated it. I kicked a barrel over and broke it with my foot. Even the barrels made a stupid sound when they broke. There was nothing in the barrel. Even more stupid. It was so stupid I wanted to repeatedly bash my head against a wall, but was afraid the sound of that would be even worse than that of the barrel. The people were boring and had no idea about anything. Stupid. They wouldn't talk about anything different, even if the world was falling apart, they would still say, 'I like the play rollerball!' or 'I just bought a blue jar!' or 'I hate my life and wish to kill myself!' No important event could change what they said.   
  
With all that in mind, I decided to go kill myself, but then I realized I couldn't because you can't target your own party members in this game.  
  
Damn.  
  
...  
  
...what the hell. Continuing the story...  
  
I decided not to stay in on one screen for more than five seconds, for fear that the boringness would rub off on me. I located the inn and hid in there. Townspeople never go into an inn unless something important is happening. I was sitting in a chair, trying to ignore the boringness of the walls, when Hagmore strolled in. He looked right at me and walked past to the innkeeper. After asking him a few basic questions, to which he got the same answer every time ('One night is 300 GP. Would you like to stay? -YES -NO.'), he somehow figured out where everything was. He turned and walked out, still not noticing me. As he was walking out, he misjudged which way the inn screen was facing as compared to the outside screen, and ended up walking right back in. He stared blankly for a moment; he glanced at me and did a double take.  
  
"YOU!" he shouted. "What are you doing here? How did you get here before us?"  
  
"I didn't. I was with you the whole time."  
  
"HA! A likely story!" He took a dramatic pose. "I knew this from the start, from the very first time I saw you!" He pointed. "You're a spy, aren't you?!"  
  
"No."  
  
"I knew it!" He threw back his head and laughed. "Now I'm definitely the main character! I just figured out who the traitor was! Julio can't stand up to my power now!"   
  
"The main character never figures that kind of stuff out until one of the lesser characters points it out to him."  
  
Hagmore grinned happily. "Now I have to go find him and show him who's the master here!" With that, he turned and ran out, taking the dramatic music with him. I just sat there, not really doing anything. About twenty minutes past before Hagmore returned, huffing and puffing. "I forgot we don't know where he is," he admitted. With that, he sat down and waited. It wasn't long before the others found their way to the inn. With that, we just hung out, Hagmore's accusation of my traitorism forgotten already.  
  
The next day came...  
  
After a boring rest at the boring town, complete with extra-boring rest muzac, we left and continued to our next destination. Wherever that was. But considering the world is made conveniently to force us to go in one certain direction, it wasn't hard to figure out which way to go.  
  
We ended up in a mountain again. Joy. We began our climb, entering the first cave that was conveniently cut out just like a tunnel. The first thing I saw was a giant yeti just standing there. As we got closer, I realized it was standing next to a switch. When we got too close, however, it finally noticed us and came charging at us. The battle ensued.  
  
"Why am I not in this fight...?"  
  
"Because you aren't in the active party! And neither is Sifian."  
  
"Sucks to be us..." We were suddenly standing on the opposite side we had originally been on, now next to that switch. And there were now three yetis. "I guess we can't let them throw the switch, then? So why didn't they do that before we got on this side of them...?"  
  
"Here we go!" Hagmore suddenly shouted.  
  
"Oh, goodie," Alexander said.  
  
With that, the battle really began. Both sides ran towards each other, now in a full active-time battle system. Hagmore and Cat charged as Ari shot at them, and Alexander used his mighty white magic. The three yetis ignored them, slowly advancing towards the switch.  
  
"You know, I could easily just walk up and block them from getting to it...but no, I'm not in the active party...when am I ever in the active party? And why the hell can't I fight? Its not there's anything that's going to stop me."  
  
The fight continued. I contemplated homicide. Sifian just sat there, playing the role of an inactive character well. One of the yetis died and the second was getting the hell beat out of it. But the third was slowly advancing towards the switch, with only Alexander blocking its path. "We are now officially screwed."  
  
Alexander simply watched the yeti advance. He looked at his staff. He looked at the yeti. "Oh, what the hell." With that, he walked up and swung his arm at the yeti. I expected zero damage at most. Instead, the yeti was cleaved in half. Alexander nodded to himself and sat back as I stared.  
  
"How...? How...?" The question was never finished, and, therefore, never answered. I just kept staring and pointing, but never got anything out. The experience was dished out and we continued on.  
  
After several more odd battles like those before, we came across the wonderfully accented save point. These things are always put where there is no way in hell that you could ever miss them. So of course we skipped it. We came across a bridge, which got its own screen, which means...plot time!  
  
There was a big flash of light, and a big machine thing was just kinda there all of a sudden. Don't ask how it got there, because I don't know. "Ha ha ha!" it 'said' it it's machiney voice. "Now you will meet your doom! For I will destroy you!"  
  
"And just who are you?" Hagmore challenged.   
  
It gave a dramatic pause. "There are those who call me...Plot Device C."  
  
There was a deathly silence, the only sound being that of me slamming my head against my fist as hard as I could. "If you're Plot Device C," I moaned, holding my head with the same hand, "then where the hell are Plot Devices A and B?"  
  
"That is of no importance to you!" it said very quickly. "What's important is demises! Or, more appropriately, yours!" With that, the battle started up.   
  
"How the hell did I get in the active party? Wasn't I just not in the active party?"  
  
"Heath! Glad you could join us!"  
  
"Oi..."  
  
The camera panned, as always. "This looks tough," Hagmore said.  
  
"Be careful," Cat warned. Like we needed to be reminded.  
  
As it turned out, though, we did. Plot Device C's first attack was on Alexander, putting him in critical. Cat managed to stop his onslaught long enough for me and Hagmore (No, no, no, it would be 'Hagmore and I') to join her. We then started beating the Christ out of the bitch. Then came his second form, in which he got a lot more in all his stats. Each attack started taking off 2000+, and he could get off several at once. He killed Hagmore, the one of us with the most defense and HP, in three hits. "Uuwaaa..." he moaned as he 'fainted'. He then hit me twice, putting me at critical. "Man, what a low way to go..." Next shot killed me. "Damn."  
  
As Plot Device C started killing Cat, Alexander suddenly started a summon, of all things. As Cat 'fainted' and PDC came for him, he raised his hand. "Summon..." he got cut off as he got hit, but the spell had already been cast. "...Author..." he whispered as he died.  
  
GAME OVER  
  
"Aw, man, that sucks. Now I gotta go way back and start over from the beginning of Part 2...well, I guess now I can include all those jokes I wanted to put in. This might not be so bad..."  
  
NEW GAME  
- CONTINUE  
  
SELECT MEMORY CARD  
- SLOT 1  
SLOT 2  
  
LOADING...PLEASE WAIT 


	3. Repetition: We Lost?

Well, in case you didn't figure it out, part 2 was Legend of Dragoon and Star Ocean 2.  
  
  
-File 0133:05Smoke Mountains  
Lvl 484013/4013 HP 210/210 MP  
214758 steps60183 GP  
  
File 0207:32Kamakura Village  
Lvl 12456/612 HP 31/31 MP  
5154 steps573 GP  
  
File 0317:56Jibun Trail  
Lvl 221391/1391 HP 102/102 MP  
11588 steps20134 GP  
  
LOADING...PLEASE WAIT  
  
After our unsuccessful attempts to find Julio and Zan, and much cursing/celebrating, we set out to the closest town on our map, which was a little village in Alenovian territory. It was mostly open plain all the way there, save for the border gate. We strolled on down (also known as South for those of you not competent in the mystic ways of RPGaming), Hagmore in the lead, just chatting.. The conversation was mostly on random topics, like the time we were filming for a home movie when we discovered the time-lapse control, and started doing all sorts of crazy things, like multiple fight scenes, and then Hagmore -  
  
Krrsh-krshhh!  
  
That was when the world got all fuzzy, then condensed onto one spot, leaving the rest in a black oblivion. I managed to stop myself from spinning in a circle as the battle loaded. "What the hell...? Stupid battle loading sequence..."  
  
That was when we heard insane laughter. We looked to see the cameraman running in circles, pointing the camera everywhere as he laughed maniacally. He ran in a circle around the enemy, then ran in front of us, then started jumping around for no reason at all, doing flips, then threw the camera into the air, caught it, and calmly walked back to where he would witness the battle. There was a long silence.  
  
Anyway, we were fighting four EvlDemons, which were big black things with claws and big muscles and wings it didn't use. Right. Anyway, the first Demon attacked Alexander, who took some pretty deadly damage. The second used a PowrUP spell on itself, and the third cast UnHoly on us. I was fine, but the others took varying amounts of damage. Alexander was now in critical, and Sifian was almost there, too. The others were all at about half their normal HP. The fourth Demon attacked Hagmore, but he blocked it with his sword.  
  
Cat and I attacked almost simultaneously. I immediately thought, Its Eva all over again...I went for the one than had cast PowrUP, and Cat attacked the first one. I finished mine off with two consecutive hits from the wakazashi, and Cat left hers in the red. Sifian turned his quarterstaff into a trident and stabbed the weakened one to death. Ari supplied Sifian with a Hi-potion, and Alexander cast Cure 3 on everyone. Hagmore charged the third Demon and wailed on it with his Avenger, killing it. The fourth Demon was left alone.  
  
We all got ready to attack, all taking confident poses, ready to waste the last one. That was when it called on reinforcements. Six new EvlDemons showed up, all ready to cook our asses. There was a long silence as we just stared.  
  
"I'm assuming we saved after that whole thing we went through..." I said quietly, maintaining a calm composure.   
  
"Uhh...just keep on believing that, and...we...can win! Right, uh, guys...?" Hagmore said with waning confidence. I nodded to myself. Right. As much of a chance as a fish on a grill with a Fire3 spell and out of MP while poisoned and paralyzed, and the cook is berserked and has a +4 to all stats and is armed with Drizzt's Defender, and the angry mob is screaming for blood...wait a minute...  
  
I blinked as three of the new Demons combined their strength into a forth, which powered up by drawing darkness into itself. After a moment, It raised one clawed hand and an enormous ball of dark energy began to grow. With that, it posed with style, then pointed at us and growled, "Daaku Fureiah!"  
  
Despite the horrible Engrish that could have dealt damage to me, it was so bad, the resulting explosion that followed was rather painful-looking, but used some nice CG. I personally didn't feel a thing, thanks to my coat, but the others were...well, let's just say they got fucked. Alexander was wiped out first, quickly followed by Hagmore - he is a Paladin, after all. Cat fell after them, and Sifian and Ari were the last. I was left standing alone.   
  
"Aw...shit."  
  
I looked at the three demons that had not gone yet. "So, you want a piece of me, eh?" I asked with a maniacal grin. Dramatic poses soon followed - but none were by me. A group of weird people in crazy outfits jumped in and started posing as fireworks and explosions went off in the background. A HUGE sweatdrop appeared above my head. "Nani...?" With that, they all jumped off, shouting phrases that made no sense. Then a guy with spiky green hair in an archeologist's outfit fell from the sky and made a crater in his shape. Another sweatdrop.   
  
The first cast UnHoly on me again, which did nothing. I laughed, both hands on hips. "Ha ha ha! You think you can beat me, Heath, the Lord of Darkness? Hoo hah!" The same people from before appeared and posed, then leapt away. I stared for a moment, and then returned my attention to the enemy. "None can stand up to my power! I am INVINCABLE! HAHAHAHAHA - " That was about when it hit me in the face. Critical success. I went skidding across the ground, feeling blood running across my face. I was surprised my nose wasn't broken.   
  
"Haso...that's some major painage..." I stared blankly into the sun, waiting for the end. There was a long pause.  
  
A shadow fell over me. Someone was apparently standing over me. I tried to see who it was when a voice said to me, "Well, well, well. If it isn't a group of wandering heroes with good intents. Why am I not surprised? You kind of people are everywhere these days, doing your damn 'good deeds' and killing my Demons. These cost me good bread - I mean money! Yes, money!"  
  
I sat up and saw who the person standing over me was. It was a girl, probably not much older than me, with straight brown hair and bangs. She wore rather skimpy and skintight clothing, and she looked fairly evil. A pair of ninja swords hung at her sides. "But they always fail," she continued in a more confident and also mocking tone, "just like you people. I'm impressed you managed to kill even one of them, much less eight. But they reproduce like rabbits, so I'm hardly worried." She seemed to be sizing me up. "You're a scrawny fellow. I'm not surprised you almost died with one hit. Weaklings like you shouldn't even be out here."  
  
I wanted to respond, but I couldn't think of a good retort that wouldn't get me killed. So I shut up.  
  
"Well, how should I kill you?" She continued lazily. "You've left me with a variety of options. I could torture you, feed you to my pets, hang you upside-down for a few days...so many choices, so little time."  
  
"Who are you?" I finally said, bored by her lame suggestions of 'torture'. She gave a coy look.  
  
"What should that matter to you? You'll be dead in a moment anyway. Well, I guess the last thing I can tell you is my name. I am Seniana. Take that with you on your trip to Hell." Her ninja swords were suddenly in her hands, and she prepared the deathblow. I closed my eyes and waited calmly.  
  
Again, nothing. I looked at her, and saw that a small, flying demonish thing was flapping incessantly by her. She was looking at a small piece of paper. She glanced at me and smiled.  
  
"Well, you got lucky," Seniana said with a smile. "I've called back by my boss. But don't get too thrilled; I'll be back in ten minutes, at least. Bye-bye." With that, she created a portal and stepped through it.  
  
I sat for a moment, thinking. If she said ten minutes, then did that mean I had exactly ten minutes, or about ten minutes? I hate when people say things like that. The EvlDemons were sitting off to the side, smoking cigars and playing poker. I wondered if they would bother with me. With that, I stood up and walked over to Alexander, pulling out a Fenix Down from the mystic item storage plane.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
I winced and turned. The Demons were all looking at me. "What'cha doin'?" One asked.  
  
"Oh, nothing much. Just reviving my friends so were can kill you guys and fight the boss is all."  
  
There was a pause as they took this in. "'Kay, whatever. Just don' make too muchuva racket, ya know?"   
  
"Cool wit it."  
  
After we were all healed up, Cat turned to me. "So what happened to you? Did you fight off the rest of them by yourself?"  
  
"Sort of. I kinda got screwed over by the EvlDemons, but then this lady appeared, and she said some crap about killing people, all well and good, and then she left, but..." I trailed off as a portal reappeared where the last one had been. Seniana stepped through, looking a little pissed.  
  
"That goddam mother f__king bitch, who the hell does she think she fu___ng is? I'm not her godd__ little se_ toy, I have my own d___ agenda! I can't just fuc__ng drop every-fu__ing-thing and leave!" I could see the censors off to the side trying to bleep out what she was saying, but they couldn't keep up. That's when she noticed us. Then she got really pissed. "What the fuc_!? I thought you all got the shi_ beat out of you!"  
  
"Yeah, well, it just sucks to be you." Now that I was healed, it was back to the old cocky me. And that just threw her over the edge. She pointed at us and shouted, "Flame tech!" A burst of fire shot towards us, but Alexander cast Shell, which lowered the damage to minimal. Hagmore rushed her with his sword, but he couldn't lay a finger on her - she was just too damn fast. He used a sword tech, but she blocked it with a Dark Shield. Sifian tried to double-team her with Hagmore, but she made them look like bumbling fools.  
  
Seniana was running circles around Hagmore and Sifian. Ari was standing helplessly by, unable to get a clear shot in. Cat had been hit by Hagmore's rather large sword, and was rubbing her head and giving him evil looks. Finally seeing a chance to use some of my special skills, I paused for a moment to select a good one. Then the fun began.  
  
"Image Splice!" I shouted, flinging my arms out and down. With that, six images of me all flew out of my body. They would have all converged on her, but the second tripped and hit the ground rather painfully. The third jumped out, got tangled in the seconds' legs, and fell flat on its face. The fourth just went flying. The fifth and sixth managed at dodge the pileup, but ran into each other and fell over. The first just stopped where he was and scratched the back of his head. With that, Seniana doubled over laughing. I sighed, my face shadowed in that evil and dramatic way, as a sweatdrop appeared again.   
  
"What's their problem?..." I muttered, my eyes twitching. "Oh, will you stop LAUGHING!" With that, my wakazashi came flying into my hands as I rushed foreword in classic anime style. I hit her once, bowling her over. She tried to get up, dazed, as I rushed in again. I hit her again, sending her flying into the air. I then ran under her, leaving a dust cloud behind. I stopped, and prepared to strike the third blow when something hit me.  
  
"Hey, wait a minute..." I pondered. "In DBZ, isn't it always whenever someone tries to hit someone while they're flying in midair always when they get the ultimate beating of a lifetime...?" That was when Seniana twisted and kicked me. As I pulled myself out of the long trench I made, I muttered, "Yep. Sounds about right." Pause. "STUPID RED BOXES! YOU DIDN'T WARN ME!"  
  
The battle raged on - as well as any turn-based system could rage. Despite the fact that there were six of us and just one of her, Seniana was doing some serious ass whooping. Probably because she got about six turns for every one of ours. I mean, if you think about it, each of us gets one turn about every eight seconds. There's then the delay in selecting the attacks and waiting for it to execute, making about a ten second wait. That totals up to six attacks total, at a rate of eighteen seconds an attack among us all. Seniana attacks once every other turn, including ours, meaning she attacks at a rate of once every fifteen seconds. This gives her a huge advantage in that aspect.  
  
Well, while I was doing math in my head, the rest of the guys were getting trashed by her mathematically superior battle skills. I knew I should have paid more attention in school.   
  
Hagmore went up to attack. He did the most predictable attacks ever, giving just enough delay in between to allow her to dodge them. With each miss, he got more and more frustrated. "Argh! Why can't any of my attacks hit her?"  
  
"Maybe it's because you're waiting too long to attack her...?"  
  
"I've been giving this fight my all!" he continued, ignoring me. "Is she that powerful...? We could be in big trouble, guys."  
  
I just stared at him. "Am I the only one who finds something wrong, here?" Just then, Seniana jumped foreword and attacked the Cardinal. Despite all the time he had to defend the attack, he simply stood there with an amazed expression on his face and let her hit him.  
  
"Ow," he said, struggling to pick himself up. "That...really hurt."  
  
I rolled my eyes and slapped a hand to my head. "What did I do to deserve this?"  
  
Just then, the sky darkened, and we all disappeared. I looked around. "The hell...? Alexander must've summoned something, but I didn't hear anything..."  
  
Just then, a text box appeared at the top of the screen, reading, 'White Wrath'. I just stared at it. In the distance, a dust cloud appeared. In no time at all, we could see that it was really a white Nisan truck, with a large, unshaven man with brown hair and arctic fatigues, talking on a cell phone while staring at something else at the wheel. A group of banjo-playing hillbillies were in the back, playing away.   
  
Vose was chatting away, not paying attention to anything going on ahead of him. He glanced up at the last minute in time to see Seniana right in front of him. He tried to swerve out of the way, but still ran her over. He winced at the sound, then glanced around to see if anyone was watching. He threw the truck in reverse and ran her over again, then put it in drive and ran over her once more. He waved to the hillbillies, who then jumped off the back and began to beat on her with their banjos. After a while, Vose motioned to them again, and they all jumped back in. With that, he drove off as they continued their song. We reappeared as Seniana stood up. I stared in horror, then looked at Alexander. "Never do that again."  
  
Seniana suddenly doubled over, clutching her side. "Don't think you've won," she said. "I'll be back!" With that, she teleported out, leaving a large bag of gold and another labeled 'EXP'. These were collected.  
  
"You know, she said not to think we've won, but isn't this a victory?" I said to my self, not expecting an answer. I didn't get one. Then some random idea came to my head.  
  
"I don't want to spoil the plot line, but did anyone else notice Seniana looks amazingly like Catriana?" No one heard. "Never mind."   
  
With the spoils collected, we headed out to our original destination, that one town that we didn't know the name of until we entered. I glanced down at the words that appeared at the bottom of the screen. "Draobdrac, huh. What a dumb name for a town."  
  
We strolled in. We kinda meandered around as I wrote in stuff on our map, then they all gathered in a small circle. "We should split up and collect information," Sifian said. "It's what all good heroes do - besides doing good deeds."  
  
"And since collecting info is easier than the deeds, we'll go for it!" Hagmore said. "Let's go in groups. Ari and Sifian are just kind of a must be, so I'll go with Cat, and Alexander and Heath...where the hell did he go?"  
  
"Right here."  
  
"They all looked around. "I don't see him anywhere," Ari said.  
  
"You know, even though this is so blatantly screaming that Heath could be working as a double-agent, I will ignore that fact and simply change the line-up. Just in case some random side-plot shows up, Cat will go with Alexander and I'll go on my own, despite my better judgment." With that, they all huddled together, then shouted, "Break!" and ran off in their groups. I was left holding the map. "Whatever."  
  
Draobdrac was a very happy town. There was lots of activity, a lot of weird mystic items, many an ancient legends, and was the center of all trade. Even the shops sold happy stuff. I hated it. I kicked a barrel over and broke it with my foot. Even the barrels made a happy sound when they broke. There was happiness in the barrel. The barrel even thanked me for breaking it. It was so happy I wanted to repeatedly bash my head against a wall, but was afraid the wall would appreciate the pain. The people were happy and knew about every little event about our party one could think of. They would always talk about anything different, no matter what had happened, they would still say, 'You guys have gone through 67 drawers!' or 'You've fought in 206 battles!' or 'Heath has a hidden past and would like to kill himself!' Anything could change what they said, and it would be in a happy tone.  
  
With all of that in mind, I decided to go kill myself, but then I realized I couldn't because you can't target your own party members in this game.  
  
Damn.  
  
...  
  
...what the hell. Continuing the story...  
  
I decided not to stay in on one screen for more than five seconds, for fear that the happiness would rub off on me. I located the inn and hid in there. Townspeople never go into an inn unless something important is happening. I was sitting in a chair (a happy chair, no less), trying to ignore the cheerfulness of the walls, when Hagmore strolled in. He looked right at me and walked past to the innkeeper. After asking him a few basic questions, to which he got the same answer every time ('One night is 300 GP. Would you like to stay? -YES -NO.'), he somehow figured out where everything was. He turned and walked out, still not noticing me. As he was walking out, he misjudged which way the inn screen was facing as compared to the outside screen, and ended up walking right back in. He stared blankly for a moment, he glanced at me and did a double take.   
  
"Whaa?" he exclaimed, a little thrown off. "When did you get there?"  
  
"I didn't. I was here the whole time."  
  
"Oh," was all he said, and he sat down next to me. "So what's up?"  
  
"Nothing, except for the repeated cheerfulness of life which is starting to slowly DRIVE ME INSANE."   
  
Hagmore simply watch me as my rage tried to surface, but was settled. "That's pretty tough."  
  
"You have no idea. I plan to resurrect a small, cute-looking but incredibly powerful being from our distant past and use him to destroy the entire universe."  
  
"What for?"  
  
"No reason. Just need something to pass time."  
  
The rest of the party gradually arrived, and in a plot-filled scene, we revealed that we hadn't learned anything of any use at all. But it all seemed really nice and spiffy.   
  
After a happy rest at the cheerful town, complete with extra-cheerful rest muzac, we left and continued to our next destination. Wherever that was. But considering the world is made conveniently to force us to go in one certain direction, it wasn't hard to figure out which way to go.  
  
We ended up in a mountain again. Joy. We began our climb, entering the first cave that was conveniently cut out just like a tunnel. I swear that there are a group of guys who are always just one step ahead of us, armed with shovels, picks, and drills, who carve out intricate tunnels in caves and mountains and reshape the landscape just so we go in the direction they want us to. It's really twisted.   
  
Anyway, the first thing I saw was a giant yeti just standing there. As we got closer, I realized it was standing next to a switch. When we got too close, however, it finally noticed us and came charging at us. The battle ensued.  
  
"Why am I standing off to the side...?"  
  
"Because you aren't in the active party! And neither is Sifian."  
  
"Sucks to be us..." We were suddenly standing on the opposite side we had originally been on, now next to that switch. And there were now three yetis. "I guess we can't let them throw the switch, then? So why didn't they do that before we got on this side of them...? And how did we get on this side, anyway? Must be one of those things that happens when the screen goes black."  
  
"Here we go!" Hagmore suddenly shouted.  
  
"Oh, goodie," Alexander said.  
  
With that, the battle really began. Both sides ran towards each other, now in a full active-time battle system. Hagmore and Cat charged as Ari shot at them, and Alexander used his mighty white magic. The three yetis ignored them, slowly advancing towards the switch.  
  
"You know, I could easily just walk up and block them from getting to it...but no, I'm not in the active party...when am I ever in the active party? And why the hell can't I fight? Its not there's anything that's going to stop me."  
  
The fight continued. I contemplated homicide. Sifian just sat there, playing the role of an inactive character well. One of the yetis died and the second was getting the hell beat out of it. But the third was slowly advancing towards the switch, with only Alexander blocking its path. "We are now officially screwed."  
  
Alexander simply watched the yeti advance. He looked at his staff. He looked at the yeti. "Oh, what the hell." With that, he dramatically ran up to the yeti and swung his arm. He cut off the yeti's arm, then reached under his robes and pulled out a bassoon, which turned into a bazooka, which he then used to blow up the yeti. He then put the bassoon-ka under his robes and stood in a bishonen-ey way.  
  
"How...? How...?" The question was never finished, and, therefore, never answered. I just kept staring and pointing, but never got anything out. The experience was dished out and we continued on.  
  
After several more odd battles like those before, we came across the wonderfully accented save point. These things are always put where there is no way in hell that you could ever miss them. So of course we skipped it. We came across a bridge, which got its own screen, which means...plot time!  
  
"Hold it right there!"  
  
We all turned and looked up the cliffside to see a giant, hulking robot standing there in a dramatic pose. "You shall all go no further!" it bellowed, doing more poses. "For I shall be your doom!"  
  
"And just where the hell did this Getta-Robo reject come from?" I asked, rubbing the back of my head.   
  
"Why should we listen to you?" Cat challenged. "And who are you, anyway?"  
  
It gave a metallic laughter. "Oh ho ho...such impudence. But I shall tell you my name." It gave a dramatic pause. "There are those who call me...Plot Device C."  
  
There was a deathly silence, the only sound being that of me slamming my head against my fist as hard as I could. "If you're Plot Device C," I moaned, holding my head with the same hand, "then where the hell are Plot Devices A and B?"  
  
It ignored my question, but I was getting used to that by now. "Hah hah hah...now, humans, prepare yourselves for the most terrifying power you have ever witnessed!" It struck the most ridiculous pose I had ever seen in my life, then jumped up and did several impressive-looking but rather simple flips and spins in midair. It came flying down to land in front of us, but it smashed the bridge to pieces with its weight. We all went falling down into the river below. As we were washed downstream, I saw that the cliff was lined with Bugrum, all doing their ritual dance as they sang...  
  
"Hubba hubba zoot zoot...eba uba zad zet...ah nam nam...hubba hubba zoot zoot...eba uba zad zet...ah nam nam...ah hureppa hureppa, bah hah hureppa, ah nam nam..." 


	4. Reunited Again: Yay?

Yes, part 3 was fun of part 2...and anime.   
  
  
Hazy...  
  
There was a thick haze in my eyes as I opened them. I felt really sore...and very wet. I opened my eyes to discover that we were lying on a small beach, washed up from the river. There was no sign of that ridiculous Plot Device C, but we were all here - what a coincidence. I dragged myself to a sitting position and wondered what I had done to deserve all of this. The others were all waking as well. After a quick check to make sure there was nothing missing, we got down to plot time. "Where are we...?" Cat asked, still a bit dazed.  
  
I looked up at the horizon. There was a rather tall tower off to the horizon, framed by the evening sky. I pulled out the map, which had stayed dry in the item bag, and checked it up. "This says we're several miles downstream...in the Plains of Hell."  
  
For once, people heard me, and it was deathly quiet. I traced my finger along the river. There were a few mistakes in the map that I would have to fix, but there was no problem with that. I was about to put it away when Ari asked, very quietly, "Plains...of Hell?"  
  
It was information time, so I figured I would have to say it. "The Plains of Hell. It's an area several kilometers large, down near the southern part of this continent. The constant temperature is so high that rain simply doesn't happen here. Only high-level Ice magicks will be able to withstand the heat. The plains themselves are so dry that any amount of heat will set off a flashfire, which is almost a common-day occurrence. The only way to travel through them is to find a way into the underground caverns that snake through the entire area. Of course, finding those is no walk in the park, either. Of course, this is an RPG, in which a walk in the park still means monsters...but who cares."  
  
There was a long silence. "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. What was that last bit?"  
  
I fell on my face. As the group discussed their current options, I began to mutter to myself, "Why do I bother living? What is the meaning of my existence? To be a convenient lackey for these people? No...I'm supposed to be a heartless assassin with strange internal conflicts...maybe a bagel...some blueberry cream cheese...and a nice cup of tea...yeah, that's about right. No! More like one of those cream-filled pastries with the really messed up filling, but they look good on the outside..."  
  
Sifian tapped his foot. "Well, it seems our only choice is to cross the Plains via the underground tunnels."  
  
Hagmore nodded. "The only problem with that is we don't know how to get to the tunnels."  
  
"...but definitely no sprinkles. Those can shut out the taste of the filling, so it still tastes good, but that also leaves a weird aftertaste in your mouth..."  
  
"I suppose the map doesn't say anything at all?" Ari asked. Hagmore shook his head.   
  
"I would suggest we split up to look for an entrance, but with how low our numbers are already, I don't think that's a good idea right now," Cat said.  
  
"...I suppose there's always licorice, but that kinda gets old after a while, and the black ones are so nasty, but there is a town just to the west of us that sells a mean rice bowl..."  
  
"Isn't there anything we can do? What about jumping back into the river?" Alexander asked.  
  
"Well, that is a good idea, but we would have no control as to where we would be going, and would most likely get swept out to sea," Sifian responded half-heartedly.  
  
"...I could really use a bowl of rice right now...it's like eating a half-cooked calzoné, but with less chance of food poisoning..."  
  
"So let's go," Sifian shrugged. "We won't get anything done just standing here. Might as well try to find a way out."  
  
"Agreed," Hagmore said, and they began to set out in search of a way out. I continued to sit on the ground, muttering to my self...  
  
"...and then there's that little place on Grand that sells those 'bake-it-yourself, asshole' things that they claim are Italian food, but it's really just some crap they threw together to look Italian...well, that is what Italians do, so I guess they can get away with it..." Noticing they had left, I stood up and followed them.  
  
"...like a bad pizza, actually...no, it would have to be the pizza without the toppings or sauce, which gets you bread and cheese...which isn't that bad, after ten years of prison with only that...no, wait, that's bread and water...damn, I hate it when they do this..."   
  
It was a while; filled with constant battles of annoying enemies that took too long to defeat, before we found the oh-so-happy-caves we were looking for. They were not all that pretty - okay, they were the ugliest things I've ever seen, and I've seen some really ugly things. I tried to get the group to get through this place fast so we could get to the next town and spend some money, and finally upgrade our shitty equipment, but of course they didn't, taking all the sidepaths to get all the treasures, which were all just as shitty as our equipment.   
  
The only plus to this was that we could sell that crap for more money. And more money means more equipment - provided that someone doesn't decide to suddenly buy a whole bunch of potions. Again.  
  
After what seemed to be an eternity, we finally reached the end - which means some contrived boss fight. And there it was - just an upgrade of an old monster, put into boss form. It would be a short fight.  
  
"And then there were three...dare I ask why only half of us are fighting?"  
  
"Because that's what the battle system says! So only three of us can fight."  
  
"Despite the fact that there are six of us..."  
  
The camera angles showed off the wonderful battle area, and then focused on our friendly boss. Just a large not-completely-unlike-an-insect thing that deserved to die. The three who were fighting were Sifian, Cat, and Hagmore. I started flashing back to the three generic party members: the balanced hero, the fast girl, and the strong guy.   
  
The fight started up. Going in order of their speed, it was Cat, Sifian, boss, and then Hagmore. Cat tore the boss up with a seven-hit combo, doing average damage. Sifian followed suit with a five-hit combo, doing just about as much damage. The boss walked up to Hagmore, and despite the fact that he all the time in the world to avoid it, went and wailed on the poor boy. Hagmore then laid out three hits, doing moderate damage, and about half of what Cat and Sifian had done.   
  
Next turn. Cat attacked again, doing a different combo from the one she had done last. Sifian ran up to the boss and hit him a few times before doing the strangest thing I've ever seen. He suddenly struck a huge pose and shouted out, "NEW ARTS!" These same words appeared also in midair, and time seemed to slow down. Ever so slowly, he punched the boss once, kicked him in the head, and finished up by poking him in the eyes and doing a spin with another pose. Time flow returned to normal as the boss got up and attacked Hagmore again, but he blocked the attacks. Hagmore did some weak attacks.   
  
Next turn. Cat powered up, while Sifian tried a spell. How he learned magic, I don't know, but he summoned a huge red knight of fire, who's name appeared as he did (-Meta-) and then the attack name followed suit (Inferno, how creative), all which blew the enemy to a state of being not unlike that of Rice Crispy's, except not. The boss got back up and beat up Sifian for his insolence. Hagmore attacked again, doing not nearly enough damage to be worth the lower attack times.   
  
Next turn. Cat just completely unloaded all death of the world on the dumbass, completely shattering all boundaries of time and space as she dished an incredible seventeen hits. This damage amount, which would have normally killed small armies, alerted the Richter scale, and forced parents to keep their children off the street, simply knocked the boss down. Sifian then powered up himself. The boss laid some smack on Cat, who felt the pain big time, but Hagmore healed her right up with a nice healing spell (wherever he learned that, I don't know).  
  
Next turn. Cat powered up again, while Sifian used an item to restore his HP. The boss struck a pose, said, 'Booyaka,' did a triple back flip with a one-half twist, three back summersaults, and ended with an unintelligible noise of death, handing out the pain in bucket-fulls. Hagmore powered up.   
"What a god-boring turn...couldn't they have planned that a bit better...?"  
  
Next turn. Cat unloaded the smack down again, which leveled the boss to new levels. Sifian then opened a can of Whoop-Ass, completely wasting the stupid thing that needed to die. The boss did some weak attack that involved a fish and two spoons, but it didn't know what was in store for it. Hagmore, who could now use a decent amount of attacks, brought the wrath of god down on the bastard. Literally. I didn't know one could echo one's voice so damn much without the eardrums exploding. As Hagmore's images finished ripping the boss's limbs off and eating them, while simultaneously doing an interpretive dance, the experience was totaled, and we continued, leaving a large, bloody mass on the floor.   
  
We entered sunlight. I normally hate the sun, but I was appreciative of some real air, instead of the damn manufactured stuff we were breathing underground. We had come out of a dry well in the middle of a town that was smack dab in the middle of the Plains of Hell. Quite convenient, if not just a little random, but after the last fight, it was pretty normal. How the village had survived sitting in the middle of this hellhole is beyond me, but I'm sure that at some point in the game, plot will destroy it.   
  
Well, after we got out bearings, we all set out to do our thing. I went in search of my rice. I found the restaurant/bar/local-eating place and walked in. After about six tries, the guy noticed I was there and took my order. I told him to just put the bowl on the bar when it was done. After the food was done, I took the rice to a nearby table, which happened to be occupied by Julio and Zan. I sat down next to them. "Hey, guys."  
  
Julio looked up, looked around, looked under the table, and then said, "Hey, Heath."  
  
There was a strained silence. Zan looked perfectly calm, sipping his tea, but Julio was sitting on the edge of his seat, like he had to go really bad. Or he was just bursting with excitement.   
  
I finally risked it. "So what's up."  
  
"I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D ASK!" Julio shouted, completely happy now. "We had to coolest adventure without you guys! It was so awesome I forgot it all last night and then I tried to remember it but all I could think of were the awesome treasures we picked up and by the way I bought a copy of Infiltration while we were at the mall and then I found my sword-chucks and I got really happy and then Zan was yelling at me about disturbing the entire inn and then this zombie dude jumped in but Zan used his ultra-cool magic ninja skills that involve a super laser and lots of stuff burning and then I gained a level and the cool music played and was happy again oh and by the way Zan's really undead and then we found this really super-cool pencil of +4 Drawing stuff and Zan got all happy..." Julio was talking so fast that I couldn't really understand, but he gesticulated well. Around then, the other party members walked in, and then we had to plot.  
  
"JULIO! ZAN!" everyone exclaimed, all rushing forward to gather around them. Julio was very normal about it ("Oh, hey, guys, how's it going?") while everyone had his or her own thing to say. Finally, Ari asked the fateful question. "Where have you been?"  
  
Julio got an ecstatic look on his face. "Well, that is quite an interesting story that I have to tell, and by the sound of that music, it looks like its flashback time! Sit down and get comfy." There was a blank moment where everyone sat down, and Julio and Zan began their tale.   
  
"Well," he began, "after our encounter with the avalanche, I was walking along to try and find you guys when I came across Zan in a crater. I picked him up and kept going to the next town, where we rested up at the inn, and then we hit the shops, but there wasn't anything of coolness there. Anyway, then we found this old guy who was complaining of some demons or something infesting this old temple, so we went and found it was big ugly thing that looked like a Jurassic Park rip-off..."  
  
"It was Diablo himself," Zan interjected.  
  
"Whatever. Anyway, I used my ultra-cool sword moves on him and tore off three of his limbs, and then he started lighting me on fire, but I had fire-resistant armor, and then there was all this killing and cutscenes and then I got a lot of experience, but no cool items. So then we went back to the old man and he was all happy and talking some stuff up about the Horadrim or something and saying how awesome we were, and then the press came in and was all like, 'JO, D1_13, Y01_1 $1_1P44 C00L!' 'cause they use words like $1_1P44 C00L, and they interviewed us, but Zan blew them all up, and I was sad, but then I found a quarter, and it was okay.  
  
"Then we went off and found the Cave of Scorpions! It was really weird and there were all these bug things that kept attacking us, and Zan kept getting pissed off because his magic didn't work right, but told him it was okay cause I've got L33T $K1lLZ, but he kept on looking at me funny, and then the super bug showed up, but I used my Whoop-Ass on him, and he was all like, 'Arrgh! You went and did the kill on me, dude! Now I'm all dead and stuff! Damn!' And then he DIED, and there was all this EXP, and I was all like, 'Yay! EXP!' but Zan was still looking at me weird, but there I found the +4 Drawing pencil, and he got all happy and stuff. Oh, and Zan's also an undead Lich." Zan spit out his tea as Julio continued.   
  
"So then we continued to the mystic town of Arthamorgiosia X, the place where all the super mages live, and Zan was all like, 'dude', and I was all like, 'no cool swords', and then this evil looking guy showed up and started killing everyone, and Zan was all like, 'damn', and I was all like, 'plot!' but then the guy saw us, and he said, 'aw, damn, you guys aren't all together, no plot.' Zan said 'argh', and I said, 'aw, no plot', and then the guy went away, and we left, cause the town was all blown up and stuff. Doom.   
  
"Then there was this super-weird side-quest we got into that caused the death of the greatest warrior, Tijuana Tanzor of the Greatly Huge Sword of Pain and Gore, but it was okay because I got to keep his sword!...well, a fifth of it, at least. And then there was all this DEATH, and PAIN and other stuff that could've been important, but it wasn't. Oh well. And that's what we did." Julio finally took a breath and sat back.   
  
There was a pause as we digested this, and for the flashback to go away. Finally Cat said, "You guys did all that in such a short amount of time?"  
  
Julio blinked. "It wasn't that short."  
  
"Yes it was! All we did was fight some weird lady, climb another mountain, and float down a river! You guys went on something like four different sidequests!"   
  
There was a moment of silence. "So?" Cat made an angry sound and sat down with a humph. With that, the conversation stopped being scripted, and we started talking about nothing. Well, they did. I simply tuned out and devised ways to slowly and painfully kill the last descendent of Genghis Khan. After we ran out of conversation, we took a room at the inn and slept.   
  
After sleeping in the wall for standing off to the side of the innkeeper, I awoke with the others at the exact same time. We all got out of bed, stood at the head of our respective bed, and struck a pose as the box at the top of the room said, 'Do you want to save? Yes/No'. We saved and left.  
  
Being that we were in a desert town, there was obviously a sidequest to find some bizarre item that would bestow the magical gift of water to the residents. I have always wondered why they don't just call a plumber and install some pipeline out there, but who ever said things had to be rational?   
  
Anyway, we asked around and found some clues as to where we could find such a thing (It was a magical piece of bleu cheese), and with that we summoned our flying flaming dragon to go get-  
  
"Now just a minute. When and where did we get a flying, much less flaming, dragon?"  
  
"Ah, Heath, you just don't ask these things! It makes your life so much easier."  
  
"All I wanted was some noodles..."  
  
"Can I have a candy bar?"  
  
"Hey! That looks like it should have some sort of side quest to it! Let's check it out!"  
  
"Or not..."  
  
"I'm hungry!"  
  
"I never knew you when you weren't."  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"Never fear, fellow adventures! I'm sure we need to take a left up here!"  
  
"How do we get lost with a map hanging in the corner...?"  
  
"Can I have a Snickers?"  
  
"If I had a hammer...I'd hammer in the morning...I'd hammer in the evening... All over this land..."  
  
"Not if I have anything to say about that..."  
  
"It's a good thing the player can't hear how hopeless we are..."  
  
"Oh, don't worry. They already know!"  
  
"Great..."  
  
"Can I have a Kit Kat?"  
  
"Okay! We're here!"  
  
"I vote that we never use this mode of transportation ever again..."  
  
We were sitting on a tiny little island that you never would have gone to if you had any sane say in the subject. I walked into the nearest little hut and found a weird merchant-like guy dancing in place.  
  
"Hey, buddy."  
  
"I'm the leader of this town! Everyone here is always happy!"  
  
"Fuzbunkintastic. You have any magic bleu cheese?"  
  
"Why, yes I do! Here you go!"  
  
You received the magic bleu cheese! (Dadada Datdada!)  
  
"Wait a moment...aren't I supposed to go on some insane quest for this mostly worthless item?"  
  
"Why would you do that? Everyone here is happy!"  
  
"Joyous days of pain. I hope you have a horrid afterlife filled with agony and despair."  
  
"Why, thank you! I hope to meet you another time!"  
  
"I would kill you if you weren't a townsperson. Dammit, why can't this be like BG2?" I walked out, dreading the trip back.  
  
During this horrible ride, filled with constant banter about whatever, I wondered why I had been stuck with these people. Well, since it would be more interesting than the conversation, I guess I'll tell you.   
  
Way, way back in the day, when going outside of the town and exploring the nearest cave of death was considered cool, we lived in an orphanage. All good heroes come from orphanages. Anyway, we all lived there, and worked at a local restaurant as dishwashers. Not a good living, but when you're poor and parentless, there aren't many options. Anyway, we worked there for about two years together, getting to know each other, playing when we weren't working (this was before my curse, so I had less angst). Anyway, we were all working one day when Julio suddenly asks, 'Hey, guys, want to go on an adventure?' Well, that seemed like fun, so we all agreed, picked up our stuff, and left.   
  
Now, one cannot just walk out of a town to start an adventure. One must first buy supplies. And, since we were kids, we had to go to the cheapest place around - the monster-infested grocery store Ripclaw's Hellhole. Not a happy place, but if you could make it to the end, you got the best prices around. We decided to go for it.  
  
As soon as we were in, we found a map of the place and decided to run through as fast as we could. I was assigned the deli. Mmm...fresh meat. Also hard enemies. Well, I couldn't complain, so I ran for it. But battles were inevitable.   
  
The first enemy I fought was some kind of large pastry thing. I decided to eat it. Next was some tiny jumping mold. I tried to attack it, but rolled a critical failure and stabbed myself in the leg with my own knife. It was around then that I discovered I'm immune to my own poison, which was cool. But it still hurt. I managed to kill the... thing...and grabbed the nearest chunk of meat. I ran for my dear little life as I was chased by something that could have once been a carton of ice cream, if it didn't have tentacles and fangs.   
  
We all managed to make it to the cash register, but what is a good dungeon without a boss? Of course, it was Ripclaw himself, a thin, slightly reptilian creature with huge Rending Claws. And we had to fight it.  
  
Of course, since he was our first boss, there was a degree of easiness to him. But when each hit he deals takes off about three-fourths of your life, it's hard to think of him as 'easy'. But, as always, justice prevails, as do small, child-size swords and bows and such. (Just imagine a little Hagmore with a two-handed sword...)  
  
With our victory over the storeowner, he then allowed us to buy from him. The equipment we were offered was ridiculously good for an even more ridiculously low price. That's where a majority of our current equipment came from.   
  
Anyway, we left the store, and started our legandary journey for fame, ultimate power, and little balls of rice. And some loot to go with it. And magical/god-like equipment that would be found on the way. And the rest, as they say, is history...  
  
"I'm really, really hungry!"  
  
"I'm going to stab you until he dies."  
  
"What do I have to do with this?"  
  
"Everything. Now shut up and give me my tea."  
  
"We don't have any tea."  
  
"Hey! Purple!"  
  
"Did he say no tea?"  
  
"If I squint my eyes enough, I can achieve immorality!"  
  
"I think its 'immortality'."  
  
"Immorality's good too, ya know."  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"NO TEA?"  
  
Land. I never thought I would be happier to see it ever.  
  
The next thing I know, I'm ready to stab Zan's face off.   
  
That's how our life goes these days.   
  
Long walks, filled with endless chatter, many fights that have no purpose but to beef us up so we can actually fight the final boss, who's actually really weak.  
  
No, I don't know that for a fact.  
  
I'm just praying for it to be so.  
  
My prayers don't ever come true.   
  
If I have to hear '1 Million Bottles of Beer on the Wall' once more time, there will be stabbing.  
  
We ride off to the stupid desert to save it from certain destruction.   
  
Why. 


	5. The Plot Begins!

Part 4 was Secret of Mana, Legend of Legaia, and Diablo (to an extent).  
Okay, it's time to cut the humor-only stuff. Now we get serious. (Yes, I can do that.)  
  
  
We landed in the stupid dying desert town. Why do people always build a town in the middle of the desert? It makes no sense. The town dies until some band of heroes comes along and brings them the item needed to save them...never mind, that's pretty common.  
  
Getting back on track, we walked over to the elder-type person and gave him the magic bleu cheese. Instantly a nearby empty ditch was filled with very, very blue water, and everyone who had been dying mere moments ago was suddenly healthy and happy. Why I bother wasting energy wondering about these things makes me wonder.   
  
Well, with our good deed done, it was about time to leave. But first, we had to figure out where we were going to go.  
  
"So..." Hagmore said, pondering. "What's around here, anyway? It's just a big desert. How do we continue plot from here?"  
  
"Well, there's a really big tower across the desert and over a cliff east from here that the townspeople have been talking about recently," Zan supplied. Julio snapped his fingers.  
  
"That must be the place we need to go to! Or at least should check out! It sounds full of plot!"  
  
"Hey, guys, sorry to burst your fun, but there's no way to get there," Cat put in.   
  
"Oh, right. Dammit."  
  
"Um, hello?" I said, scratching my head. "We have a giant flaming dragon thing, remember?"  
  
"We'll probably end up there anyway, Hagmore," Cat was saying to the paladin, who looked very sad at not being able to explore a new dungeon. "It's okay, you'll get there soon."  
  
"Yeah, I know...but...what if it's one of those one-time only places? We could miss out on some super treasure!" With that, he burst into tears. Everyone gathered around for a 'group' hug - I put a bullet through my head. When we were done with the tower bit, we talked around some more - but there was nothing of plot around. I knew what was going to come, but said nothing. With nothing better to do, we walked back into the cave and started finding our way back, fighting everything on the way.  
  
After some time, we made it back to where we had beached. There was nothing there. No odd treasures, no raft waiting for us, no secret revolutionaries coming to recruit us. When things like this happen, it makes me mad. I stabbed the nearest tree and watched it wilt. Poison is a beautiful thing. I've always wondered why evil guys don't create some super monster that poisons an entire population instead of trying to destroy them. It's much easier. But I image the heroes would find some way to cure the poison.   
  
Hours have passed...  
  
We still don't know where to go. We've walked the path of the cave about twelve times, and talked with everyone in town twice as many times. There was nowhere to go. I knew that this was going to happen.   
  
In our thirteenth attempt to find the path through the cave, I lost my mind when we walked into a dead end - the same one we had walked into twelve times. I have only been so mad once before in my life - in a situation that was very similar.  
  
"This...has now been enough."  
  
Eyes turned to look at me.   
  
"You've led us on this stupid run-about thing for long enough, girl."  
  
There was some confusion to that. What they didn't know was that I was hallucinating, remembering an old time, seeing old people. Most of them were dead now.  
  
"I have put with you for long enough!" I was raising my voice to a rather violent tone. "I'll show you that I can do more that the crap you've done! I can't stand you! I HATE YOU, BITCH!" With that, I released an attack I hadn't used for six years, unleashing a powerful blast that completely leveled the entire wall. Through the hole, it was revealed that there was a hidden passageway that continued onwards. Oblivious to what had just happened, Julio, Zan and Hagmore all continued on, with the other four kind of following, glancing back at me occasionally. I slowly followed them, trying my hardest to forget all the old memories that had come back. It was kinda nice to have some hidden past, but I still don't like those memories.  
  
With the new part of the cave opened up, we continued onwards, fighting all the little bug things and giant bears we wanted. After a little while, we came to a pond with a turtle in it. Across the pond was a doorway, of sorts.   
  
"Huh...I wonder what's over there."  
  
"Probably something we'll come back to," Julio said dismissively.   
  
"You know, not everything we come across it something we 'come back to'. Watch." With that, I walked right through the pond. It was only about three inches deep. I turned around and looked at them. "See? Real easy access."   
  
They looked at me blankly, then turned and headed for the exit. My thoughts again turned to homicide.   
  
When we walked outside, it turned out that night had fallen while we were wandering. We decided to set up a camp and I waited for the plot-filled discussion to start. Only problem was, we don't really know what we're trying to do yet. So why the sudden camp scene? Only time would tell...  
  
"You know...ever since our run in with Seniana, I've had this odd feeling in the back of my head," Cat said. This looked interesting.   
  
"What do you mean?" Ari asked, sitting across the campfire from her.   
  
"Like, there's something I know, or should know, but I can't place my finger on it...you know what I mean?"  
  
"I get what you're saying...but what does it have to do with her?"  
  
"Probably cause they're most likely related," I said flatly. No one listened. It would have been funny if they had.   
  
"I don't know," Cat said, lapsing into a silence.   
  
There was a pause in conversation. "Heath," Sifian said, "Where are we right now?"  
  
With a sigh, I picked up the map. "Just by a desert nearby this mining town far up north...it's quite a walk. We probably won't reach it until late tomorrow...if we were traveling by normal standards, that is." I pulled my hat down over my eyes. "Probably where we want to get to. That place is known for a rather extensive library of knowledge related to plot."  
  
There was a soft breeze blowing that slowly lulled me to sleep as the others talked of our situation. I never stirred once.   
  
The next morning, we packed up and started off. The easiest way to make it to the town was to travel along the mountains, so we did, fighting rather tough enemies who gave little EXP. After a long time, the desert ended, and we walked through plains, which were specked with trees and small forests here and there. The sun began to set. The mountains began to narrow off, and we were soon given our first look at what would become our most important destination we had ever been to.   
  
The mining town, Ralthen. It stretched up the mountains, house lamps burning brightly in every window, looking like stars in the late eve. Machinery seemed to hook everything together, keeping the town in a constant state of movement. I wondered how long it would take the copyright agents to get to us about this.   
  
We walked into the town and entered the first building. There were a lot of people who all looked the same walking around, spouting out random bits of how the battle system worked. "You know, I would expect these guys to be in the first town we came to, not one of the last," I mentioned.   
  
"They were," Zan said. Everyone turned to look at him.  
  
"What? What do you mean by that, Zan?" Ari asked.  
  
"This was where our journey started." Zan glanced at Julio, who nodded. "Julio and I met up in this town after the five years when we all separated. We found a bizarre jewel in the mines of this town, and it released a strange power and killed several soldiers who went to check it out. That's where I learned a lot of my high-level spells."  
  
"And where I found the Desert Eagle," Julio put in.  
  
"Plot hurts my head sometimes," I moaned.   
  
"This water in the bucket here will restore your HP/MP. Springs like this can be found all around the world," A random Joe told me.  
  
"Go to hell. There's only one spring like that in the world," I retorted.   
  
"This water in the bucket here will restore..."  
  
"Yeah, I've heard it before."  
  
"If you guys got such power after finding that crystal..." Hagmore started, then stopped. "Where was it?"  
  
"Deep in the mines, probably where we left it. There was no way to move it, since going near it released its power," Zan said.  
  
"Well, then, let's go check it out. We can probably get some power for ourselves if you guys did. " With that, Hagmore hauled his Holy Avenger over his shoulder and headed out, Julio and Zan right with him. Sifian shrugged and followed. The girls looked at each other, and then glanced at me. I sat with my hat down, my feet on a table. They looked at each other again and ran after the four others. That left Alexander and me.  
  
I sat for a while, and then looked at Alexander. He had pulled an oboe out from somewhere and was tuning it. "I think we should follow them, you know?" he said after playing a few notes, not looking at me.  
  
"Why."  
  
"The Seraphim. They may not have as much luck as they did last time." He glanced at my raised eyebrow. "Oh, come on. You didn't think that I wouldn't know about such an occurrence?"  
  
"Did you come in contact with it?"  
  
"Not in the way they did. I found it through the magic streams." He played a few more notes, the returned to tuning. "But I would think that a Demi would want to get that power."  
  
I smiled, in spite of myself. "That thing has no power for me. I gave into that other realm a long time ago. They, however, still can get its blessings. Except for one."  
  
Alexander raised an eyebrow. "Except one? What do you mean?"  
  
My smile widened. "Just that. One of them cannot get its power, but does not realize that. His realm of power lies elsewhere, like me. Like you."  
  
"You mean that...?"  
  
"Oh, yeah. It will be a show to see. I wonder who will replace him? There has to be eight." With the end of our mysterious conversation, the scene changed to the rest of the group. They were currently walking through the mine tunnels, getting into rather difficult random battles. More than once, they were forced to run, being unable to deal enough damage to the monsters.  
  
"What's up with these things?" Hagmore panted as they ran from another monster. "How in the name of Holy did you guys make it through here so long ago, without any sort of good equipment?"  
  
"I don't get it either!" Julio responded, also breathing heavily. "These things weren't this tough last time!"  
  
"Do you think..." Zan started, but was cut off by another random battle. They ran again. "...that the crystal could have mutated them?"  
  
"Could be," Julio shrugged. "We've seen its power. I wouldn't be surprised."  
  
"Well, then let's get through this place as fast as we can," Cat said, glancing around in a worried manner. "I don't like it here."  
  
"Agreed." With that, they started running, opting for speed rather than brute strength. It was risky, but they had to get there fast. After many twists and turns, much fleeing, and a good deal of healing, they made it to a large cavern. At the far end, glowing in the dim light, was a large crystal. It was impossible to see the shape that was held inside, but there was definitely something there.  
  
-Come forward, heroes.-  
  
The words echoed within their minds, resonating to the very core. They all looked around, searching for the source of the voice. Well, most of them. Julio and Zan continued to look right at the crystal.   
  
-Come forward, heroes, and receive what you have searched for.-  
  
The fighter and black mage walked forward. The others, unsure, were a little behind, stepping carefully.   
  
"Is this..." Ari asked in wonder, "...the crystal?"  
  
"Such power..." Sifian muttered.  
  
They walked until it loomed over them, the glare so harsh they had to cover their eyes. There was a silence, then again, words.  
  
-Fighter...Black Mage...you two return, like you promised.- Everyone stared at the two. The light began to grow more intense, to where they had to close their eyes. When it finally died, they could see the creature inside the crystal.  
  
Seraphim. They are considered the most beautiful of all Angels, and one of the most powerful. They grant powers to those who prove themselves as the Seraph wishes them to. This is why Alexander and I could not enter - I was too evil, he too pure. Well, pure in spirit. Not so in any other way.   
  
Most would stand in awe in the presence of a Seraph. Most would bow before it, stunned by its beauty. Not so this one. A Seraph will generally fall only once every few millennia. This one had fallen. It was hideous, and yet beautiful at the same time. Its golden hair was dirty and unkempt. Its robes were also dirty and torn, showing what was once purest skin. It hung in the crystal, crucified, its arms pulled way back, blood running from its wrists. Everyone gasped and stared, unable to look away.  
  
I smiled and stepped back into the area in front of the hall. Alexander was playing his bassoon, tuning every now and then. "Well, the show's gonna begin soon. He'll be revealed at any moment now, and then they'll get what they want." I grinned again and pulled down my hat.  
  
-You return,- the Seraphim whispered in their minds. -And you bring with you companions, like you said. Are they all prepared to receive this power I would give?-  
  
Julio and Zan looked at the other four. "You heard that, right?" Everyone nodded. "This...it will give what you want, if you fulfill its requirements."  
  
"What kind of 'requirements'?" Hagmore asked uncertainly.  
  
-Only those who are of heroes of past may receive it. Those who are of the kindest evil. Who are of the most evil kindness. There will be nothing than that. If you feel you are ready, step forward.-   
  
"This is what we're waiting for, Alexander...if that's even your real name." I glanced at the White Mage. He smiled back.  
  
"No more real than your name, Heath."  
  
"Heath is my real name," I said with a smile.  
  
"And it belongs to a fool," a voice boomed from the shadows. Out stepped a man in gray, his face twisted in evil. I knew him. Oh, did I ever know him.   
  
"Hello, Miskete. How are things with you?" I asked in a matter-of-fact manner. His face twisted into anger.  
  
"That's all you have to say to the one who will kill you? How boring!" He clenched his fists. "Prepare to die, Heath."  
  
"That would be Heath-sama to you, little one. Have some respect for your masters."  
  
"My only respect is how much of a fool you are. I used what you taught me of Dark arts, and trained in the Light arts as well. You cannot possibly defeat me now!" With that, he threw a ball of purest Light straight at me. I could have stopped it, but the other person in the room decided to get involved. There was a bright flash.  
  
When the light cleared, Alexander stood in front of me, his glowing wings grown out to their full length. His hair was let down, hanging down now past his shoulders. His robe rippled with the power he emanated. "Now, now," he said calmly. "You can't go throwing around such thing like that. It's dangerous. You could hurt yourself."  
  
"Shut up! I'll kill you, you gay bastard!" Miskete threw another ball of light, which dissipated before it even touched him.   
  
"How harsh of you!" he exclaimed. "Not only did you call me gay, but you also called me a bastard!"  
  
"Alexander," I painfully said, "I thought you were gay. You told us all years ago, remember?" Alexander looked at me coyly.   
  
"Oh, I know that. It's just that he's now being homophobic! People like that are always so mean. They tend to beat their wives, you know."  
  
Miskete was getting very peeved about being ignored. "DIE, BOTH OF YOU!" He threw a ball of purest black straight at us. This was where I come in. With a growl, I drew in my full potential and absorbed his attack. With the dark powers seeping off my body, I grinned.   
  
"Okay. Let's finish this one off." With that, Alexander and I drew in our respective energy, preparing to blast him into oblivion.  
  
Hagmore stepped forward. "Well, if no one else will, I'll take a chance. I'm ready to get this power you speak of."   
  
There was a silence. It did not last long, but it seemed to last forever. -You, Paladin...you are worthy of this power. Your purity as a Paladin is stained by want of fame...so I will grant you a more suitable form.- With that, Hagmore was engulfed in a pillar of light, and his scream echoed through the caves. When the light dissipated, Hagmore no longer had his enormous armor - he was now dressed in all red, with a red hat on. He had become a Red Mage. Surprisingly, he still had his Holy Avenger on his back, and could still wield it, as well as having his armor, though less huge.   
  
"Wow..." he whispered, staring at himself. "Whoa! This is awesome! I've got magic! I've got weapons! And I can wear armor! This rules!" With that, he went dancing around the cave, singing a happy little song. As everyone else stared at him, Sifian stepped forward.   
  
"If that Paladin can get such power...then so can I," he whispered. "I am ready. I wish for the power you grant."  
  
Again, the pause. Then, finally, -No.-  
  
Sifian was taken aback. "What?"  
  
-You, a monk...you are supposed to be the one in the middle, neutral of all decisions...but you are not. You are filled with greed, and carry no purity to balance out the evil in you. Those who are like you have their own fate.-  
  
Sifian was suddenly lifted into the air, flailing away at the crystal. "No! This can't happen!" he screamed. His arms were thrust out, in the crucified position of the Seraphim, and a light engulfed his body. He didn't have enough time to scream. When it cleared, he was gone.   
  
-Bring me the next.-  
  
"You...how could you?" Ari shouted at the crystal. "Why?"  
  
-You heard my judgment. He was not worth of this power, and so was destroyed by his greed. Whoever may be next, step forward.-  
  
Julio and Zan looked at each other. "You go," Julio said.  
  
"Oh, no, after you, good sir," Zan said, motioning.  
  
"Hell, no! You're the one who wants the ultimate power! I just want half ultimate power."  
  
"Then you should go first! What if it runs out of ultimate power to give?"  
  
"God, you two are such boys," Cat said disgustedly. "Fine, I'll go." With that, she stepped forward. There was the silence.  
  
-Ninja...you, too, fulfill the wishes. Your trade makes you evil by nature...but you are filled with kindness. Therefore, you will receive your gift.- There was another pillar of light, and when it cleared, Cat was holding two brightly shining ninja swords.   
  
-The demon-forged blades, Masamune and Murasame...forged in blood and purity. These blades will assist you in whatever way you need.-  
  
Cat made a cute noise of happiness. "Oh, wow! These are the coolest things ever! Not only are they hip and in style, but they make me invisible!"  
  
"You don't look invisible."  
  
"It only happens when we're in battle."  
  
-Also, for a small fee, they may become light-sabers.-  
  
"No way! These things are the coolest! Thank you soooooo much!" With that, she walked off happily humming to herself. As she and Hagmore started talking to each other about how great their new weapon/power was, Julio and Zan pushed Ari forward.   
  
"Here," they said quickly. "You go first, we'll wait back here." With that, they jumped back and hid behind a rock. Ari rolled her eyes and looked at the Seraph.   
  
"Well? Do I fit your requirements?" she asked loudly. There was that wonderful silence. Then, again, the words echoed in the minds of everyone.  
  
-Gypsy...you, too, fulfill my wishes. Your evil nature is overrun by kindness, just like the one before...but I will grant you a more acceptable form.- With that, Ari was engulfed in a pillar of light, like Hagmore. When it cleared, she was no longer in her shabby Gypsy clothes, but in the most bizarre cooks outfit one could ever have laid eyes on. It was like watching a cooking show go bad. An apron with knives in it, and a cook pot set lined with spikes? It was weird. As Ari hopped down to join the three, it was just Julio and Zan. They looked at each other, then at the Seraph.   
  
-Step forward, heroes.-  
  
Wincing slightly at the gasps from the others, they did so. A part of the Seraphim's forehead rippled and opened, and a large eye swung around to gaze at them. They cringed slightly, but did not step back.  
  
-You two...are still quite a sight. I still remember, all those years ago, when I fell to this land, and the first thing I saw that did not flee or try to attack me...was a child warrior and a short little mage.- They both stepped back at that. -So, one last time, I will give you my powers...- With that, there was another flash of blinding light. When it cleared, Julio and Zan seemed to practically radiate power.   
  
-I have increased your skills to the limit I can give...my power is fading, and I will not last long...-  
  
"Wait! Seraph! Don't go!" Julio shouted, stepping forward.  
  
-I must...for I have no more power to continue to exist...-  
  
"No! You have to tell us!"  
  
-Farewell...-  
  
"Tell us! What happened on that day? What was it that made us go our separate ways like we did? We have to know!"  
  
But it was too late. The Seraph's large eye had closed, and it was slowly crumpling into nothingness. No more words came from it. There was a deep silence, where nothing stirred for a long time. Julio sighed and turned about. "Let's go."  
  
"...Julio." Hagmore stepped forward. He paused for a moment, then continued. "What were you talking about? About...that day..." he trailed off, not sure how to continue.   
  
"When we're all together, I'll talk. But...not now." With that, he walked out of the room, followed by Zan. There was a pause and a look between the others, and they hurried after.  
  
This is the state they were in when they walked into the previous room. Alexander and I were lounging on the rocks, Alexander looking as bishouneney as possible. I sat smoking a cigarette. We did not move as they walked in. They stopped between us, looking at us. They had to notice the huge blood stain that covered the entire hallway before them. It was hard to miss.  
  
"Why...are you two sitting out here?" Zan asked, scratching his head. "Didn't you want some of the power we were given?"  
  
Alexander and I shared a look, then shrugged. "Neither of us fit the Seraph's requirements," Alexander said, stretching his arms, "so we decided that it would be easier to wait here."  
  
"Okay...that I can understand...but..." Zan pointed at the blood splattered all over. "What the hell happened there?"  
  
"Just someone making a courtesy call."  
  
"...courtesy call."  
  
"Yeeep."  
  
"Hence the blood splattered everywhere."  
  
"That's how they usually end up as. So, did Seraph tell you anything important? I hope not, cause we're supposed to be part of this, too."  
  
"Not really...?" Zan started and looked around wildly. "Oro? Where did he just go?" I fell over seven times. A sweat drop that could have crushed the Northern Continent fell into the ocean and killed a nearly extinct civilization. The moon's lunar cycle was reversed, and two kings who were fighting for the throne were assassinated by their underlings. I stood up painfully and shook my head sadly. Just when things were going good, too.  
  
"Well, then let's be off," Alexander said cheerfully. "We have a lot to do, still." There was a nodding of heads from all around. With that, we went back the way we came.   
  
It was around then that we remembered the rather insanely powerful monsters. However, we now all had increased powers (well, all but me and Alexander, but the lock on our powers seemed to have weakened), and wanted to try them out. The first to come was a huge armored turtle. Before, we hadn't been able to even scratch it. Now, Julio ran up to it and gave a mighty swing and cut its shell right off. Hagmore was right behind him, swinging his huge sword in an arc, slicing through its exposed skin. He followed up with a powerful ice spell that finished it off.   
  
Then came a large armored mecha, loaded with highly advanced weapons. Cat, who was now invisible, ran up and cut it into pieces, leaving nothing but the legs still standing. Another showed, and Zan blasted it into infinity with a level 4 Bolt spell.   
  
Then came the goblin horde. These things had been horrid before - now, after a quick stun spell, Ari threw them all into a pot and cooked them for dinner. It didn't taste too bad for goblin.   
  
Then came the big ones - ice elementals. While Zan and Hagmore's Fire magic did wonders on them, I had a better idea. Releasing some old skills, I sent one straight into hell. The other was shattered to pieces with a shockwave. Another pair came around the corner, and were blasted by a beam of light from Alexander.  
  
"Dude! This rocks total face!" Julio shouted as he killed another powerful monster and nearly drowned in the EXP. "We are now uber-powerful!"  
  
"Don't say uber!" Cat shouted at him, dicing another mecha up.  
  
"But you have to admit, this is pretty nice," Ari commented, cooking up more goblin. I was going to be sick of it soon enough.  
  
After a lot of battling, in which we exhausted most of our skills, we finally emerged, very happy (except for me) with how things were going. "Ah," Hagmore said, stretching, "this was a good day."   
  
"I had a good feeling!"  
  
"Shut up and die."  
  
"Well, as a result, we defeated him!"  
  
"WHO?"  
  
That was when the evil laughing started. I love it when that happens. The screen goes a darker color, and everyone looks around madly. Then the evil figure appeared, hovering high above us. It's been a while since we've seen someone new. This guy was a change from all the normal people we've only seen. He was a tall character, short sandy blond hair, and not too interesting of a look. He wore a white robe that rippled in the wind, and kept him looking badass, except for his none-to-interested look.  
  
"Hmm...heroes. Hardly." He examined us carefully, still talking. "Fighter, ArchMage, Priest, Cook, Holy Ninja, Red Mage, and Assassin. Quite a peculiar crowd."  
  
"Who are you?" Ari shouted, pointing a boiler pot at him.   
  
"Humph...what are names to those who care not of human traits? But if must call me something, make it something simple. The human trait of a overly complex naming system sickens me." There was an uncomfortable pause after that, where there was much shuffling of feet and glancing around. The floating man sighed. "You may call me...Mark, if nothing else."  
  
"Mark...? The hell kinda name is that?"  
  
"All right then, Mark, why are you here?" Hagmore shouted. Mark simply shrugged.  
  
"To kill you. Or, if nothing else, stall. You have gained far too much ground while Seniana was in the Sphere. So I will halt your progress."  
  
There was a pause while we all tried to understand, but failed at it. Hagmore rolled a critical failure and his brain froze, unable to work for the next (roll, roll...) two hours. "Great."  
  
The battle began. Since we could only have three people in the fight at a time, it was Julio, Alexander, and Ari. Mark was floating, so we had to have a Long Range Materia equipped to hit him-  
  
"Wait a minute! Materia? When did we use that?"  
  
"Just now!" Julio shouted as he hit Mark for considerable damage. Mark retaliated by casting some bizarre spell that smacked Alexander around. Ari responded by shooting a rocket out of the pot. Mark took the hit and countered with a powerful Fire 3. Ari took some serious damage. This didn't look like it would be a pretty fight. Alexander healed the entire party, and Julio ran in again and hit him. I still want to know where the Materia came from.   
  
Mark cast a bizarre spell called Calamity that was a full array of nasty status effects on everyone. Alexander was protected by his robes, which resisted all status effects, and Julio had a necklace protecting against Venom, Slow and Stop, leaving him Blind and Silenced. Ari was totally wasted, however. She took damage from the poison and was left in critical. Alexander cast Esuna on her, but Mark cast a Blizzard spell, hitting everyone for considerable damage. Ari fell, wounded.   
  
Well, with that, it was time to switch party members. Slightly changing the battle system, we switched Ari out for Cat and Julio for Zan. It was time to get down to business. Cat had a Ribbon equipped, so she would be safe against Mark's Calamity, and Zan had the Loudmouth ability equipped, so he couldn't be silenced. Cat threw Ninja Stars. Zan used the Enemy Skill Shadow Flare. Alexander drew the Holy spell from Mark. Mark cast some contrived Bolt-like spell, dealing decent damage. Cat used a Ninja skill, casting a flame wave on Mark. Zan used Focus.   
  
"HOW MANY BATTLE SYSTEMS ARE WE USING?"  
  
"That's nothing! Wait until you see the summon monsters! Hit it, Alexander!"  
  
Alexander made his choice and the bar that replaced his own life bar finished quickly. He drew in several multi-colored balls with kanji on them while expelling three green balls that circled around him and shot into the air. He then did a trippy dance and finished by pointing into the air.  
  
"Summon MonsterEsperGFEidelonAeon!!!!" a voice boomed from nowhere.   
  
{Bahamut Ñ!} It said at the top of the screen. It suddenly became night, and there were a lot of clouds - in fact, we were looking at above the clouds. The moon was full (it always is). Then a large shape came up out of the clouds. It was a very, very, very blue dragon, with rainbow-colored wings. It gave a big roar and came shooting down through a contrived magic circle. After landing with a crash, Bahamut Ñ bellowed, "Preparate para sentir la ira del Maravilloso Bahámut Ñ!!" (Doo di doo!) Zan and Julio could only boggle at the rainbow-colored dragon as a mariachi band's chorus filled the air.   
  
Mark boggled back at the dragon. "What the hell? I took French, not Spanish! What's wrong with this monster?"  
  
"Tus palabras ceman mi sombrero!" Bahamut Ñ bellowed back. With that done, it began it's attack.  
  
{UBER FLARE!} It informed us as more magic energy than there was free on the planet was absorbed by it. Three balls of energy, meant to conduct the excess energy, appeared and all the energy started going to one spot in front. There was a very, very large beam that shot out. And, well, you know what happens after that.  
  
Boom.  
  
Mark was pretty much annihilated in the blast. Kinda. He just took more damage than was humanly possible, and got back up. I hate that. After that, he responded with a powerful Flare spell. Cat took some hefty damage and was left in critical. We waited for the decision as to what would be done next to come, and nothing happened.   
  
"Well? What happened? The game didn't freeze, did it?"  
  
"No, it's still going. I think he just went to the bathroom."  
  
"Fine time for that."  
  
Suddenly, it kicked back into gear again. With Cat's turn up, and her in critical, it was a choice: have her heal herself, or attack? Which would it be?  
  
"Well? What's she gonna do?"  
  
"Hmm..." Julio muttered. "Mark's almost dead, but not everyone has gotten in yet. SO!..."  
  
"So...what?"  
  
"Heath! You're up!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
I was suddenly pushed into the battle. "Uh...huh...Right. Well, time to cut loose, I guess." With that, it was time to us some old stuff. After releasing the third seal, I broke out several demons from imprisonment and ordered them to go attack Mark. As they did, I drew in a good deal of Dark energy, formed it into a sword, and leapt towards my target. There was a big flash of light, and I landed on the other side of Mark as he collapsed. The demons were sent back to where they came from, and I brushed my hands off. It looked like the seal was almost broken.   
  
As the EXP was dished out to all of us -  
  
"Wait, since Ari died, wouldn't she NOT get EXP?"  
  
"Shut up and be grateful."  
  
There was a bit of staring at me, then ignoring of me. The curse was fluxing. I wondered if that was a good sign.  
  
"Well..." Mark said, clutching his side. "It looks like the reports are true to word. You are indeed powerful. However, do not think that this is the end. I will return, and the outcome will not be the same." With that, he vanished into thin air.  
  
Plot.  
  
To be continued later on. 


	6. More Than Just a Waffle in the Land of T...

Warg...anyway, so part 5 was as much FF as I could. Does your head hurt? I know mine does, and I'm the one writing this.  
  
  
Uh.   
That's all I have to say right now. With what just happened, my head is hurting like a mother. And I'm not the only one. Everyone else is sitting around, trying to figure out what just happened as well. Hagmore is putting together several notes to try and sort things out, with the help of Ari and Cat. Julio went into a coma about ten minutes after the fight with Mark. Zan's INT stat actually temporarily decreased from everything. Alexander, of course, knows everything, and is very smug about it.   
  
"...Okay..." Hagmore said after about three hours of pondering. "I think I kinda figured it out here." He looked at a very scribbled page, filled with all kinds of little side notes.  
  
"Well? What's the verdict?" Ari asked.  
  
"Okay...Julio and Zan met up with this Seraph thing a while ago, before we all met back together. They got some sweet abilities, but it seems to have been at a price. Zan turned into an undead Lich, despite the fact that he looks perfectly human, and Julio...well, he's in a coma, so..."  
  
"That's pretty much what happened," Zan said, holding an ice pack to his head.   
  
"Secondly, Sifian was killed because he was too much towards an alignment, instead of being neutral. From what I gathered, he would have been something like a Neutral Evil."  
  
"Right on the mark there."  
  
"And Mark is a minion working with Seniana for some greater power that wants us dead...or at least, out of commission. At the least, he managed to delay our progress with more plot."  
  
"What a cruel way to plan something like that..." Cat said, shivering.   
  
"On the plus side, we all class-upped, or gained some extra power, or something. Despite the fact that Alexander and Heath didn't even meet with the Seraph, they still seem to be stronger with us. While confusing, we can all simply say, 'Okay', and just keep going."  
  
There was a bit of silence as we digested the info. "Well," Cat said, "before we leave, there's a big library in this town. I'd like to check it out for a while first. I mean, there's soooo much I have to study before the next school year starts, and I only got a 34 on the ACT, so I should really be studying..."  
  
"Which is more important..." I asked, slamming my head on a table, "studying or saving the world from devastation by God?"  
  
There was a silence. I realized what I had said, and promptly wished I hadn't. Everyone was staring at me again. Alexander clicked his tongue in admonishment. "Bad move," was all he said, before continuing to knit some mittens.   
  
"When you say, 'devastation by God'," Hagmore said slowly, "You mean that in a metaphorical way, right?"  
  
I sighed. They were too interested. I could never talk my way out of this. By probability, they were going to pay attention to me until I told them what I meant. I hate plot sometimes.   
  
"Look, what's the main plot for all of the really good games these days?" I asked bluntly. "Something that involves killing God or destroying a religion, that's what. Look at Breath of Fire 2 and 3. Look at FF X and Tactics. Hell, look at Xenogears, the best of them all. And since this is supposed to be a damn good game, we need some sort of questionable ethics here. So why not talk about fighting God and going against all the rules of the ruling church, which is really corrupt and evil?"  
  
Well, it got them to shut up, at least.  
  
"Wait, wait...so you're saying we're supposed to go out and just start fighting the Church? Why would I do that? I was just a Paladin of the Church! The Church is not corrupt or anything you say!" I knew this was going to happen - better to get it out sooner than later. I slapped a hand on Hagmore's shoulder.  
  
"Well, it doesn't matter if you believe me or not. You will find whatever the real truth is soon enough." I started to walk out, then paused. "Then, you can make your own opinions. But for now, concentrate on what's the real problem at hand. I'm going to the library." With that, I walked out.   
  
Thankfully, the attention still stayed focused on the main party. They were all looking at each other a bit worriedly. Alexander was still quite calm. "Don't worry yourselves about him so much," he said calmly, still knitting. "This is something he's been at for years now. His backstory goes farther back than any of you can guess. He'll get over his emotions soon enough."  
  
With that, Julio magically came out of his coma, and the group, minus me, hit the town. At some point while we were gone, the arsenals had restocked with much better equipment, so we went and bought new stuff to replace our old equipment. Those who class-changed could now use much better armor, so weak stuff was removed. They all looked a lot better, too. After buying some extra items that we had used, the ransacking of homes began. I love that ability in RPG's. One can go into someone's house and just take all their stuff. It's so nice.   
  
While that was happening, they also talked with townspeople. And gained a lot of insight as to the future of this game. Apparently, an empire across the seas was starting a build-up of military weaponry. This was not a good sign. If they started to look overseas for conquering, then our plot would probably get suspended further than it already has. Also, a nearby town had apparently made a rare discovery - but no one knew what this discovery even was. Communications with the town had been cut off. It looked promising.  
  
Finally, they entered the last house to ransack. Which was also the Elder's house. After taking his Elixir from his clock, Julio walked up and talked to him. And drama began.  
  
"Greetings, travelers. What brings you to this distant town?" the Elder asked.  
  
"Well, we were kinda here for the thing in the caves, but..." Julio trailed off, not sure what else we were here for. No one really knows. The Elder nodded.  
  
"Ah, you wish to see the Seraph? We try not to let to many people near the mines these days. The monsters that have infested them are considerably powerful. Not many go in and come back out - in one piece, that is."  
  
Zan raised his hand. "No, we already saw it."  
  
The Elder took a step back. "Y-you what? You saw it? But how? Those who meet the Seraph are doomed for eternal punishment!"  
  
"Poor Sifian, then." Zan muttered under his breath.  
  
"You saw it? And did you speak with it? Did it grant you its power?" the Elder asked eagerly. Julio took a step back.   
  
"Well...yeah, we did. Why wouldn't we?" The Elder went into shock.  
  
"Impossible! No one has ever spoken with the Seraph and come back! Who are you people?"   
  
They all looked at each other. "Well," Julio started, "I'm Julio, this is Zan, this is..."   
  
"No, that's not what I mean! What are you? How can you speak with it?" The Elder seemed rather stressed about it. I would be too. Julio scratched his head.  
  
"Well...me and Zan were both here when the Seraph first fell, and we talked with it then..." Julio didn't get to finish, since the Elder had a coronary right then and there. After getting him to settle down a bit, we got to plot.  
  
"...now, then, why don't you tell everything about your meeting with the Seraph?" he asked, a bit calmer than he had been.  
  
"Well..." Julio started, "after running through those caves, we got to the Seraph thing, and we talked with it, and it said, you know, 'I WILL GIVE YOU POWER', and we were all like, 'sw33t', and it was all like, 'YOU AREN'T COOL ENOUGH FOR POWAA', and Sifian went, 'arrgh', and then..."  
  
"You know, how about I tell this story?" Cat said, a little peeved. As Julio continued to use hand puppets to display HIS Version of the Story(, Cat started on the real thing - without ninjas, mind you. That addition makes Julio's a lot cooler, I think. After a quick dimming of the screen, the story was finished. "...and that's about all that happened," she finished. There was a pause as the Elder digested the info.  
  
"Most intriguing...so that was how it decided who received power? Quite amazing..." he sat in thought. Then something occurred to him. "But what about your first encounter with the Seraph? What happened then?"  
  
There was a silence. Everyone was looking at the two in the room who had been there. Julio was still going off on a tangent, so that left Zan, who was calmly sitting, drinking tea. After a pause, he glanced up and saw everyone staring at him. "What?"  
  
"With Julio the way he is, you're the only one who knows what happened back then," Ari said, rather menacingly. "Why don't you tell us all about it?"  
  
"Uh...cause..." Zan floundered for a moment, then pointed. "I see a flashback coming!"   
  
"Dammit."  
  
The screen darkened for a moment, then we were shown the past. "Curses, it seems I'll still have to tell you," Zan muttered. "Well, al those years ago, when we were all still kids, we got our first sidequest. It wasn't anything big at first - just go and give this jewel to this guy over there, bring this towel to that other guy, give that one guy a piece of repossessed dirt cloth, simple stuff. But then, we took a sidequest from a mayor of a wealthy town."  
  
"That wouldn't be such a problem, except this guy had a lot of people who hated him. So we were working for him, meaning they were after us, too. Unknown to us, we were followed as we went out on the quest we had been assigned. It was to kill a monster that had inhabited a mountain nearby. It had been attacking travelers and making it harder for traders to get in or out."  
  
"Wait a minute," Hagmore interrupted. "If we were all still together, why don't I remember any of this?"  
  
Cat nodded fiercely in agreement. "Same here. I can't remember any of this."  
  
"Jeez, just hang on a minute, okay? I can't cover everything at once. Anyway, we went, and after a long, hard battle, we managed to kill the monster. After collecting the treasures around, we went back. And that was where the trouble started."  
  
"While we were gone, the mayor's enemies had decided that the time had come to strike. They invaded his house and killed him and most everyone in the house. Only some servants and maids made it out alive. That's what we came back to. A slaughterhouse."  
  
"But that wasn't all. Not everyone had left when we returned, and we were attacked by several of the enemies. After some fighting, we made it to the mayor's office, where we found him dead. However, there was also a mage there, and a rather powerful one, at that. He defeated us without any problem, and then used a mass teleportation spell to send us to the far reaches of the earth. However, the spell also seemed to cause some sort of memory loss, since when I awoke, I couldn't remember what had happened for the last few weeks. After I met up again with Julio, when we met the Seraph, our memories were restored. We managed to get everyone back together after some traveling, and here we are now."  
  
The screen returned to normal. There was a silence from everyone. "But...why?" Ari asked. "Why would they want to erase our memories? That doesn't make sense. We were just kids at the time. What could we have done?"  
  
"A lot of things," Alexander said calmly. "You'd be surprised at what children have done in the past." Zan nodded.  
  
"We seemed to be no exception. Especially since we knew their secret."  
  
"Their...secret?" Cat asked, head cocked sideways.   
  
"We found that the group was hiding an illegal smuggling ring, as well as running a slave trade. That was what they were going to use us for, but that mage saw something in that future that disturbed him enough to want to get us away from them instead of capturing us. Whatever it was, we may never know." Zan sat down and sipped his tea. There was a silence, then he said, "...I'm done now."  
  
Everyone let out a breath and relaxed. "Well, with that all done, we should go find our next destination. What can you tell us, old man?" Hagmore asked.  
  
"I'm afraid I can be of no help to you people. With all that I have heard, it seems you have visited every town on this continent. The only other place that could hold answers is the southern continent." The old man sighed. "Unfortunately, the Emperor there has gotten rather ambitious these days, and looks to be preparing for domination. There won't be any ships headed that way."  
  
There was a general sigh from around the room. "Well, I'm sure we'll find a way there," Julio said, coming out of his tangent. "Let's go get old What's-his-nose and head out."  
  
"You know, he does have a name..." Hagmore said, scratching his chin. "But I can't think of it for the life of me. How odd..."  
  
"It started with an 'H', I think," Ari supplied.   
  
"What was it...Health? No, that's not right..."  
  
You can see why I want to die.  
  
"I got it!" Julio exclaimed, snapping his fingers. "Neutron!"  
  
There was a dumb silence. "Julio, that starts with an 'N', not an 'H'. Besides, who would name their daughter Neutron?" Hagmore asked.  
  
"Wait, was he a she?" Zan asked, looking a little bewildered.   
  
"I'm almost positive it was a she. Or a he."  
  
"Maybe it was just an it. It could've been a demon."  
  
"You're almost right," Alexander said casually. "But not quite. He is a he. And there are girls I know named Neutron."   
  
There was another dumb silence. "How do you know?" Zan challenged.   
  
"Because I'm the bishounen. I know more than all of you combined plus a hyperbolic chicken. And his name is Heath."  
  
"That's it!" Ari said, punching her palm. "I was this close to figuring it out."  
  
"Does this mean we get to hear his backstory?" Julio asked anxiously. Alexander took a step back from him.  
  
"Well, that's actually not scripted till later on in the game, but..." he stuttered out.  
  
"TELL."  
  
"Right on. Heath is an inter-dimensional shifting being known as a Demi. They're called that because they live on the plane just below the Gods. So, in a way, they're like demigods. Heath comes from the Plane of Darkness, where he rules over the people there as Lord. Coming here put a damper on his powers, so he can't utilize his full potential until the seals are broken. Just last disk, when he finished off Mark, he had broken the third seal. I don't know how many seals there are, but it seems like there are a lot."  
  
There was yet another silence. All this backstory was annoying. Good thing I wasn't actually there.   
  
"Wow," Hagmore said after a while. "We have a really strange crew here, don't we?"  
  
"You have no idea, boy," Alexander said under his breath.  
  
"Well, now that we know we've been traveling with a demigod, we should be able to make things indefinitely easier!" Julio shouted triumphantly. Everyone stared at him.   
  
"And just how will that make things easier?" Hagmore asked in a worried voice. "It just keeps getting more and more confusing!"   
  
"Simple!" Julio responded eagerly, shaking his finger at Hagmore. "If What's-his-nose's power is mostly being sealed, then think of how powerful he'd be if it weren't sealed! You saw how much damage he did to Mark. That was almost as much as one of Alexander's more powerful summons! If we can go and find those other seals, and break them, he'll be back to full power, and we can end this evil in one quick shot!"  
  
There was the longest silence that I've ever heard of right then. Finally, Cat said, "Julio, that was so dumb that it's pure genius. Why didn't anyone think of that earlier? Arrgh! That means we could have done that years ago, if we had known! Why didn't he tell us?"  
  
"Actually, he did..." Alexander said quietly. "But no one ever listened to him. Heath's been cursed for a long time now, and you people only know he's alive due to plot. And now, at the most inconvenient time, I'm going to go shut up and not say anymore." With that, he did. There was a pause while everyone glared at him, then turned back to each other.  
  
"Well, then, we can use Julio's idea and go searching for the seals on Heath," Hagmore said. "But we have to remember about the curse, and try and fight through it. As soon as he gets enough power back, he should be able to break the curse on his own, and then things will become much easier."  
  
"Sounds good," Zan said, "but where the hell is he?"  
  
"He went to the library, remember?" Ari said, smacking Zan on the head. "Let's go!" With that, they all charged out of the Elder's house, who had been completely forgotten, and was sitting, looking very confused. After a moment, he sighed and walked over to a table, where a small radio was sitting. He tapped in a few things, then sat back and waited.  
  
Meanwhile, after that bizarre scene, the group went through the streets looking for the library. It wasn't hard to find, being the biggest building in the city. They entered, and it was time for more plot.  
  
I stood in one of the furthest corners, paging through a book, idly looking for any hint to cure myself. It didn't look like there was anything. With a sigh, I put the book back and hit my head against the bookshelf. "Nothing there, either. Isn't there any other way...?" I grabbed another book and started paging through it. "Damn that girl...Do I have to meet..." My thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of the rest of the crew.  
  
"Hey, uh, Heath!" Julio said. I looked at him for a long time before setting down the book I was holding.  
  
"Okay, what do you want from me, and how can you see me for once?" I asked bluntly. Julio floundered for a moment.  
  
"Alexander told us your backstory," Cat said, "though I'd like to know how he knew it, myself." She gave him a glare. He backed up a bit and whistled a tune. I sighed.  
  
"So, at least you understand?" There were blank looks. "Why I'm here. Why I'm with you people. And what I have to do."  
  
"Well, only the last part," Zan admitted. "But, we do get the part about you being super powerful! So we decided to help you look for those seals, and then we can defeat the evil that could be threatening the world!" There was a general agreement from everyone. I simply looked up towards the windows that allowed what little light there was remaining in the day to seep in.   
  
"Find...the seals, huh." I smiled slightly. "You don't understand at all, then."  
  
"Well, with that settled, we should go find an inn! I could use a good sleep," Hagmore announced. They all turned and walked off, chatting away about whatever. Alexander stayed behind.   
  
"They don't understand," was all I said. Alexander shrugged.  
  
"Give them time. They're a little headstrong, but they're good people. Maybe they're what you need."  
  
"I can't expect them to understand," I said, ignoring the bishounen. "How can they understand? The seals aren't anyone's...but it could be the thing I need to get out." With that cryptic conversation done, I walked after them, content to angst in the peace of company.  
  
We slept. It seems like it's been about seven days since we last slept, but this is in-game time. There is no real 'day' and 'night'. Until you go to an inn, or plot inspires it to be so. With all of us decked out in new equipment, we set off.   
  
We didn't get far from the town when Julio suddenly stopped and started rummaging through the item bag. We stopped and watched him idly. "What are you looking for?" Ari asked, bemused.  
  
"Just a moment...aha!" he cried triumphantly, pulling a small, black oval out. We all stared at it in wonder. "Here we go!"  
  
"Just...what the hell...is it?" Hagmore asked, scratching his head.  
  
"Need you ask? It is the bullet for my Desert Eagle! The Seraph gave me this when we met it. I almost forgot about it!" He looked about anxiously. "Dammit! No random enemies! But I HAVE to try this thing out! Aha! That tree!" He pointed to a nearby tree. It was a very ordinary tree. Julio whipped out his gun and loaded the bullet in. He took expert aim and fired.  
  
The results were definitely NOT what anyone expected. The tree was completely and utterly destroyed. And when I say destroyed, I mean DESTROYED. The poor thing was obliterated in a single blow. But that wasn't the end of it.  
  
From the remains of the tree came a large, black-cloaked creature. It held a scythe in one hand, and the power of God in the other. It was not a pretty sight to see. However, before it could say anything, the shockwave from the bullet being fired hit it and annihilated it in one blow. The bullet struck the mountains a good distance away and carved Julio's face in it, with only a 0.03% error. We all sat and stared. After a good long while, someone asked, "What just happened?"  
  
Julio managed to come out of shock, and then pumped his hands into the air. "Booya! Who is the man now? I think that the answer is clear! Shazaam!" He did a happy dance as everyone continued to stare.   
  
"Um..." Zan asked, slowly, "what...was that thing...that he killed?"  
  
I pulled out the Strategy Guide and paged through it. "Looks like it was the hidden boss that's more powerful than the final boss. He really took care of that mother." There was a silence.  
  
"Wait a minute!" Julio shouted, looking around. "If I just killed it, then where's my EXP?"   
  
"Well, being that the battle didn't even start, there was no way for you to even get the experience," I said blandly, putting away the guide.  
  
Julio stared blankly for a moment, then punched the ground. "DAMN IT! Now that really sucks! Wait...that means..." His eyes grew large. "If that killed the super mega boss in one blow...I COULD HAVE KILLED THE FINAL BOSS IN ONE HIT! Do you know how awesome that would have been? I would have more bragging rights than God!" Julio sat down and hit himself in the head with a large rock, yelling, "Damn it!" every time he did.  
  
After Julio got over his angst, we kept going. We walked for a good long time. It was nice scenery, with the birds chirping and soothing new BGM playing. I didn't really like the old one. This one was very calming - which didn't seem to fit the plot line. Then someone asked, "Where are we going?"  
  
Everyone stopped. The birds all died. The BGM cracked and spun into oblivion. The world spun the wrong way for a moment. I hit myself in the head. I should have known this would have happened. "You know, we never really did figure that out. Where do we go?" Hagmore asked.   
  
No one said anything.   
  
"Well, that's just fine and dandy," Zan said sarcastically. "Where can we go? Plot didn't tell us to go anywhere."  
  
"There was that town to the west..." Ari supplied. Cat shook her head.  
  
"The only access to that town is by boat. And even then, it's through a huge mountain range. We have no access there yet." Cat sighed. "This sucks. We really don't have anywhere to go, do we?"  
  
"The only was we can go right now is to backtrack," Alexander said calmly.   
  
"Well, might as well. Who knows, we might find a sidequest!" Julio said confidently. With that, we marched off, back to the cave we came through.   
  
As we entered the cave, we saw that damn door again. Across a shallow pool. And we couldn't walk to it. Until...  
  
"Uh...why is a turtle floating back and forth in front of that door?"  
  
"Obviously, we can use it to jump across!" Julio shouted happily.  
  
"Right...why couldn't we just walk across?"  
  
"I don't want to get my shoes wet! These cost me $60!" Cat said violently.  
  
"I don't understand people..."  
  
Well, we hopped across. Leading us into a series of bizarre looking caves that twisted and turned. We walked through, fighting off the monsters that had become more powerful than before. We walked through one last doorway and...  
  
...appeared inside of a castle. That really threw me off. It's not often you just show up in a random castle. While walking underground. Well, not one to ask questions, we kept going, still being attacked by the weird random monsters.   
  
After some time, we came across an engine room. That's even more odd to find in a castle. However, that was the least of our worries. Standing there, in the middle of the room, was Seniana. She still looked the same, but very pissed to see us.   
  
"Well, I was wondering how long it would take you people," she snarled, not one bit too happy. "Now it's time to send you all to Hell. I won't let this time be a repeat of what happened last time." With the formalities done, she drew her ninja swords and advanced.   
  
"Hold it!" Hagmore yelled. "Why are you fighting us? Why do you want to kill us?"  
  
"Why else?" she yelled back. "To get my vengeance! I will not allow my brethren to be lost forever! And for that, I'll kill you all!" She spun her swords and swung them across, creating a burning wave that forced us to scatter.  
  
"What do you mean?" Ari asked, as confused as everyone else.   
  
"If you people only want to damn their names even more by not even admitting to your crimes, then you deserve to die even more!" She flipped one sword around and pointed, shouting "Flame Wave!" A burst of flame engulfed part of the room. Ari and Hagmore were caught up in the flames.   
  
"Megaton Crush!" Julio shouted, striking the floor with his fist. The ground around Seniana exploded, causing her to loose her spell. Alexander cast a quick healing spell on Ari and Hagmore. Cat threw several ninja stars, which Seniana easily caught.  
  
"I won't be beaten by simple tricks like these!" she shouted, throwing them at Alexander. He took some hefty damage from the blow.   
  
"Ice Storm!" Zan shouted, causing sheets of ice to spray out. Seniana was engulfed in the ice, but only for a moment. She burst out in a blast of flame. Hagmore rushed in and tried to hit her with his sword, but she easily dodged it. She then made good use of her ninja swords. Hagmore was nearly diced apart by the twirling blades, only surviving due to his hefty armor.  
  
"Hagmore! Move!" Ari shouted, hefting up a boiler pot. Hagmore rolled to the side as Ari shot out a missile from the pot. Seniana threw up a shield, the explosion dealing no damage.  
  
"Blitz Crash!" Cat shouted, and bursts of lightning filled the room, striking at Seniana. She simply kept the shield up.   
  
"This is impossible," Julio growled. "If we can't hit her, then we have no chance. We need to break that shield!"  
  
"But how?" Ari asked, looking a bit scared.  
  
I sighed. "Oh, hell, this is gonna be a run." With that, I stepped out of the shadows, and into the plot.   
  
Seniana took just one look at me before shouting, "You!" and throwing another Flame Wave at me. I took negative damage, restoring my HP. Thank god for elemental defense. Swearing, she shouted, "Burst Wave!" causing a more powerful wave of fire to hit me. Again, HP recovery.   
  
"You know," I said calmly, "you should really check you opponents strengths before the battle." I glanced to the side. This little pause in fighting was enough to get Hagmore and Alexander healed up.  
  
"I won't let you get away this time! Heretic Heath! You will no longer walk this world again!" With that said, she crossed her arms across her chest and muttered something, ending by pointing and shouting, "Hell Breaker!" A burst of Holy magic surrounded me and exploded.  
  
"Is that all you have?" I asked as the light cleared. "You should know that any of your attacks are worthless against me. We are the same alignment, after all. But," I drew my wakizashi, "mine are much more effective than yours." I rushed her, being much faster than her. She tried to use her ninja swords, but her reflexes were too slow. I easily got around her and struck her in the back three times. She tried to spin and hit me, but I did several back handsprings to avoid it.  
  
"Far too slow," I said critically. "You have no really extensive battle experience, either. Should fix that."  
  
"Shut up and die!" she shouted. "You may be more powerful than me, but I will not die until you have paid for the pain!" She rushed me again. Her blades moved like blurs, but so did mine. The few hits that did connect did little damage to me. When she stopped, I quickly did a roundhouse kick to her face. She stood up slowly, blood running down her face.  
  
"Now's our chance!" Julio shouted. "C'mon, Hagmore!" The two struck a pose.  
  
"Dual Tech!" They crossed swords. "Holy Flame Cross!" Julio jumped up while Hagmore rushed in. Her struck her and jumped over her. He spun in midair and cast a powerful Fire spell. As Seniana burned, Julio came down in a spiral. Murderous damage was dealt.   
  
"Hell Storm!" Zan shouted, burning Seniana even more. She still didn't move to defend. What was she planning?  
  
"Holy ver. 2.3!" Alexander shouted. The newly released version of Holy slapped her for more damage. We paused in our assault as Seniana started laughing.  
  
"Ha ha ha...is this all you have?" She raised her head to look at us with murderous eyes. "If this is all, then I wonder how Mark actually lost to you! Perhaps he can stand to spend some time in the Sphere as well!" She lifted her blades. "Now, feel an Ultimate Technique!"   
  
"Cross winds of Hell..." She crossed the blades in front of her, and they began to glow a bright white. "White blades cutting through the winds of time." The power that was emanating from her was overwhelming. It was actually causing the engines in the room to shake and rattle. We all had to balance to keep on our feet. "Twin Hell Final Skill! Mirage Demons! Slayer Frontal Wind!" With that, we were able to witness the most beautiful and deadly killing attack ever created. Not like that's ever a good thing when you're on the receiving end of it.  
  
She came flying in at us, spiraling like a blazing white tornado. Then she split into three. If they were mirages like the skill implied, then they were pretty damn real. We all took serious damage from the blow. Alexander and Ari were both 'killed' in the first few blows. Hagmore was brought to almost no HP. Julio managed to defend against two of the attacks, leaving him simply in the yellow. Zan was only hit once, but he still was almost dead. Cat and I both had high Eva%, so we avoided most of the blows.   
  
"Ha ha ha..." Seniana laughed, softly, then increasingly louder. "That was pathetic! You all barely stood up to that! I will win!" Grinning ear to ear, she crossed her blades again. "Now, to end your lives. Cross winds of Hell..."  
  
"...Mirage Demons, Slayer Frontal Wind!" The words didn't come from Seniana. Well, who else could it be? I don't think I need to tell you for you to figure it out.   
  
As Seniana looked baffled for a moment, that was when the attack struck. The three images of Catriana all converged on Seniana, each one hacking away at her. With ultimate damage being dealt out, it wasn't long before she died. As Cat pulled back, Seniana fell to her knees, her ninja swords clattering to the ground.   
  
"H-how...?" she whispered, trying to hold all of her wounds at once. It wasn't working too well. Blood was almost pouring out of her, creating a growing puddle on the floor. "It can't be...how do you know that skill...?" She suddenly coughed, and a spray of blood spewed forth. Unable to stay upright, she managed to open a portal and fell backwards into it.   
  
Victory dance. Gained EXP and GP. The group all gathered together, then split apart to talk. What the hell? I don't know. Nor do I want to try and figure it out.  
  
"Okay, I want to know what just happened," Ari said.   
  
"Weren't you just dead?"  
  
"I...I don't know what happened," Cat stammered, looking rather confused herself. "It's just, when she used that attack, it just brought back an old memory, and I realized I knew the attack...so I thought I would stop her from killing everyone else."  
  
"Whoa...trippy," Zan said. There were nods of agreement.  
  
"Well, at any rate, we know that we've got some kind of group against us now," Julio said calmly. "We need to find some way to really fight back against them. We can't keep relying on random plot holes to suddenly save us. We're going to need superior equipment! Weapons that can crush the gods! Or at least a tree!"  
  
"I agree! And what better, than to go searching on individual quests to find it?" Hagmore said excitedly.   
  
"I couldn't have said it better myself!" Julio said, slapping him on the back. "So here's the plan. We'll all split up and go searching for new and improved equipment on our own, since that's what the mandate of heaven is telling us to do. We'll meet back here in...say, two weeks? That should be enough time. If you're going to be late, send a letter. Sound good?" Everyone else nodded (except me). "Alright! Break!" They all clapped and ran in different directions. Except they didn't get far, since we were still underground, in a castle. I hate it when people are stupid.  
  
"Um...how do we get out?" Zan asked. To answer his question, the ground suddenly shook, and the engines started to life. After a few minutes, we managed to get to our feet and explore.   
  
Outside the room, we were confronted by some guards who appeared there all of a sudden. "How did you get in here? Were you the ones who stalled the engines?" One asked rather threateningly.   
  
"Uh...no..." Hagmore said worriedly. "We did beat up someone who was in there, though."  
  
"Really? Thank you!" Confused looks. "We were traveling underground, and something jammed our engine. But no one could get to it. So now we can surface!"   
  
With that in hand, we were treated to a nice cut scene of the castle. It rose up out of the water, looking very majestic and such. "You know, how do you manage to not get water in the engines?"  
  
"With magical water-proof walls!"   
  
"...That's so dumb it makes sense."  
  
After the long revealing sequence, the guards took us to see the king. I could see where this was going.  
  
  
To be continued. 


	7. A New Character Has Joined Your Party!

Part 6 wasn't really much of anything specific...but there were some Chrono Trigger bashes there. There'll be more here.  
  
  
We were taken down the multiple hallways to the throne room. And, who would we see there, but the king. Makes sense, doesn't it? I always think so. However, in keeping with the bad parody that was going on, this guy was a lecher. And not in the nice, happy way that'll eventually get him a place in our party. This guy was bad. We walk into the room, get introduced (how did the guards know our names? They didn't.), and he's suddenly kneeling in front of Ari and Cat, a rose in his hand. "Young maidens from afar, I bid you welcome to my humble abode. I offer thee the finest lodgings we can provide for such beauties."   
  
Ari giggled over the flattering compliments. Cat just raised an eyebrow and forced a grin. "Right...thanks?"  
  
"Excellent! Then you will stay?" He stood up grandly and spread his arms. "Then we must feast, in honor of your deeds! Steward! Tell the cooks to prepare their finest dishes tonight! Our company is the finest in the world!"  
  
I wouldn't have gone that far.   
  
But hey, we get free food. So I didn't complain. Though it did take us a while to get the king to stop only hitting on the girls.   
  
The king's name was Ragde. The pun there made me want to kill my own hand, but it's hard to attack specific body points in an RPG. He was king of the castle we were in, called Cadenza. Despite his womanizing, he was a very good king, kind to his people but never blind to justice. He was also an amazing mechanic, caring for the castle along with his mechanics. He had even made an automatic crossbow at one point, but someone had stolen it long ago, along with the plans. He seemed to not care about the loss. "I can always make a newer and better version of the old one," he said, shrugging and laughing.  
  
The only other person who stood out in the castle was the master of guards, Enall. He was a fairly beefy guy, made of more muscle than fat, with black hair with blue streaks in it. He never wore armor, always preferring his own loose but tough clothing. He didn't say much, but when he did, he spoke with a very informal tone. Reminds me of someone.   
  
Of course, Julio just had to go and find out if Enall was one of the few Masters in the world who would teach us skills if we apprenticed under him. So he went up and asked. "Dude, do you teach random travelers super-powerful skills?"  
  
"Well, I suppose I can," Enall said, scratching his head.  
  
"Sweet! Can you teach me?" Julio shouted, jumping at him. Enall took a hesitant step back.  
  
"Um, well, I guess..." he said slowly, then grinned evilly. "Oh, of course I can. But you'd better be ready for the most INTENSIVE TRAINING of the ENTIRE world!"  
  
"Whatever it is, I can do it!" Julio said proudly. And, that signed his death warrant. After about seven hours, we dragged a very unconscious Julio to his room to rest until tonight, when all of his injuries would be healed. Enall had a good laugh for a long time after that. I don't think that, even if he is a Master, anyone would want to train under him.  
  
Wandering the castle was fun. It always is, no matter what the game is. I think it's because most all castles always have a treasure room somewhere, or just a whole bunch of sealed rooms with treasure in them. The only problem is dealing with camera angles. I hate them with a burning passion. And, to make things even more annoying, all of the items were stored in little nooks and crannies that normally you would be able to see with incredible ease, but due to the fact that you don't look through your own eyes, it's impossible. I still haven't figured that one out.  
  
Skipping a few hours of boredom. That night, we all sat around a large table, with a multitude of people everywhere. It seems the entire castle was present at the party. Ragde stood up and motioned for silence. When he had everyone's attention, he spoke. "My people of Cadenza, we have gathered in this room today to give honor to these braze warriors who saved us from our terrible plight. Thanks to them, we are alive, and will continue to live!" There was a burst of applause. Everyone basked in the glow of praise (well, except me, but I don't think I need to tell you that anymore). "Now, let us feast!"   
  
With that, we got right down to food. Julio ate enough for a country in one sitting. The rest of us took as much as we could, and enjoyed every last bit of it. Well, until the usual stuff started happening.  
  
When we finished the second course, we all sat back for a moment to let the food settle. We started up some small conversation with the other guests, and learned some crazy info. It seems that Cadenza was actually spying on the Empire to the South, having several insiders in the higher commands. They seemed to have an extensive knowledge of their plans. What those plans were, however, weren't going to be revealed to us just yet. And then the commotion started.  
  
It sounded just like some people yelling at each other. Well, that's what it was. But there was the sense of something wrong in the air. Then the cooks came in. I don't understand what it is with cooks, but here they came, looking so stereotypically possessed I had to wonder if they actually weren't. Then they started attacking people. That's not a happy thing, yah? So of course, we sprung into action, starting up a battle immediately. And got a weird result.  
  
The cooks, being cooks and all, used some messed up attacks. "Carving Knife spray!" one said, throwing several carving knives at us. Julio caught several on his shield, while Hagmore stood triumphantly and let them bounce of his armor. Those less fortunate hid behind them if they could. I had to dodge rather complexly just to avoid being killed.   
  
"Peanut butter!" another shouted, flinging a huge glob of peanut butter at me. Not entirely sure if that would be dangerous, I had to choose how I would counter something like that. So I grabbed two slices of bread, caught it between the bread, added some jelly, and had a snack right then and there, putting me out of the battle for a while. Devious plan, if I do say so myself. Good peanut butter.  
  
Another cook came flying in with a frying pan and hit Zan on the head. As he stood dazed, Cat walked over and stabbed the cook in the head. He fell over. Ari threw some can openers at the cooks, which exploded quite violently. Another came running at Hagmore.  
  
Hagmore stood tall and dipped his hand under his cloak. He drew it out and threw some dice at the cook's feet. "Ha!" he cried triumphantly. "You failed to hit me! And now, it's my turn!" He scooped up the dice and rolled again. "I hit! Take 3d6 of damage!" The cook fell over backwards in pain.   
  
"Hmm...it seems you've all improved."  
  
The voice was very familiar. Mark appeared overhead, floating as usual. "However, this time won't be quite so simple. I am ready to defeat you this time." He waved an arm, and several earth golems grew out of the ground. "Go forth, my minions!" he cried, and they lurched forward.   
  
Julio jumped up and stood firm, grinning. One golem raised a hand and hit him square on the head, dealing no damage. That helmet of his is really too cheap...  
  
"Ha ha! You can't hurt me!" Julio drew his sword. "And now, it's time to lay down some smack! C'mon, Hagmore!" Julio jumped up, and Hagmore dipped into his cloak again, pulling out a shit load of dice.  
  
[Dual Tech! Buster Frontal Perception Check +3!] Julio came flying in at the golems, his sword gleaming. With that, he started beating the golems like puppets. He then delivered one huge bash that knocked them into hell and back. Hagmore then threw all his dice. He totaled all the dice, then drew two more and rolled them. The golems all leaned over to see the result. He shook his head sadly.  
  
"Too bad...you guys were beaten so bad, you couldn't even realize the pain you went through. So you just flat out die now." The golems shoulders sagged sadly, and they crumbled into dust. Julio punched his hand into the air.  
  
Mark raised an eyebrow. I don't think anything we could have done would have surprised him. "Well. That was interesting. Then try these!" The swung his arm again, and all kinds of golems appeared: fire, wind, water, earth, holy, ground beef, tastes like orange tang, that stuff that collects under your bed after a while, you name it, he got it, Toyota. To say the least, things looked bad.  
  
That was when the obligatory why-doesn't-this-happen-more-often scene occurred. Enall jumped over us and landed in front, his sword drawn. He pointed the sword and simply moved it in a slow arc. The golems EXPLODED. That doesn't happen ever to us. I took a glance at his stats, and saw why. He was the level 99 character. His stats could kill just by seeing them.   
  
Mark looked unhappy. "How dare you. I should smite you for that." With that, he raised a hand, and [Smite] appeared at the top of the screen. Enall was hit, and simply stood there. Mark narrowed his eyes. "Well. That was no good."   
  
Enall turned to us and examined us. "You all look like you're in good condition. Can you fight?"  
  
"What?" Hagmore asked, baffled by the stupid question.  
  
"Can you fight him? I want you to prove to me that you have power!" With that, the battle started.  
  
"Just a minute, I need to choose party members!" There was a quick survey of characters. We needed people who could stand up to Mark's status affliction spells, so Zan and Cat were in. Both Alexander and Hagmore could cast Remedy, and I could dodge magic like no one's business. But I was still eating, so there was a [Temporarily Unavailable] sign next to my name.   
  
Then the battle started. It was weird to fight another boss so soon after the one we had just fought. And it was a major boss battle, too. They all took their positions around the battlefield, with Mark in the center in front of them. Mark opened up by using a new spell, Silent Wave Crush. It was a strong, unbased magic attack that took a fair chunk out of everyone's life. Hagmore cast an area Cure 2 spell, getting everyone in it, and Zan pulled out his new stuff.  
  
"Lateral Cross!" he shouted, and two beams of blue light crossed over Mark and brought a hail of ice shards stabbing into Mark. He took some nice damage. Cat ran up and attacked Mark, then jumped back to her original spot. Alexander waited in case a healer was needed, and Hagmore ran in and chopped Mark in half - not really, but with how he swung his giant Holy Avenger, Mark should have been cut in half.  
  
"And, you know, that's something I've been wondering about for a while. If the Holy Avenger is a weapon for Paladins only, then how can Hagmore, who is no longer a Paladin, use it? Paladins can't dual class, and Red Mages aren't something that's even in D&D. Someone wanna give me some insight, here?"  
  
"Ninja Skill #5!" Cat flung her ninja swords at Mark, and cast a fire/lightning spell on them. He took more decent damage.   
  
"That's what I thought."  
  
"Pearl!" Zan shouted, and some pearls came down and hurt Mark. How does a pearl hurt anyone? Another unexplained mystery.   
  
"Ethereal Wave!" Mark cried, a wave of more unbased magic hitting everyone. This one also caused confusion, mute and darkness. Fortunately, Alexander was immune to Mute, so he cast Remedy on everyone. Hagmore followed up with another Cure 2. Cat ran in and attacked again. Mark seemed to be slowing down, as if he weren't giving the battle everything he had.   
  
"If God Were a Hammer!" Alexander cried, and a large, glowing hammer showed up and bonked Mark. More damage. I wonder about these attacks, though.  
  
"Taste of Fillet!" Mark shouted. He suddenly tasted like fillet. How that was an attack, I don't know...but I'm sure that it has some kind of use, in the right situation.  
  
"Well, if you're not going to be serious, then we'll pull out the stops!" Hagmore waited patiently while Zan and Alexander's bars filled, then he scrolled the bottom of his Tech list and selected the attack.  
  
[Triple Tech!] Zan jumped to one side, Alexander on the other, with Hagmore in the middle. Zan chanted and ubër powerful black spell, whilst Alexander called upon hella strong white magic. Hagmore chanted a combination of these two, and soon they were all filled to the brim with power. [Lambda Gun!] Hagmore pulled out a huge cannon, aimed it at Mark, and channeled all the magic through it. Mark was blown into space, and then he came back and took major power damage.  
  
"Well, that hurt. But, it's time for me, now..." He charged up, and his spell name showed up. [Drain Supreme VI mark 4!] He cast the spell, which was an area spell, catching the three who had just hit him. He drained them for all but 1 HP, and took their life as his own, nullifying most of the damage he had just taken. And, since he tasted like fillet, he received twice the HP, completely refilling his life bar.   
  
"Oh, that's so not cool," Julio said, kicking a rock. "I wish I tasted like fillet."   
  
"If you did, how would you know?"  
  
Julio had to think about that one. "Good point!" He then began to gnaw on his arm.  
  
Hagmore and Alexander tried to heal everyone, but they couldn't cast the spells quick enough. Mark was already casting another spell. "Hell's Chant! Death Spell!" He pointed right at Alexander, who dropped dead. Not cool. "Hell's Chant! Glare Break!" They all took damage, Zan and Hagmore dead, Cat near critical. Mark pulled down his right sleeve, where a bracer with a large jewel on it was attached to his arm. The jewel began to glow a bright violet. "Death Chanter! Bound to me! Soul Taker!" The Demon of Souls appeared and moved in to take Cat's soul.  
  
Then the bell rang.   
  
Yeah, that sounds weird, right? But that's what happened. And the demon froze in its tracks. There was the sound of footsteps, and the bell rang again. The demon shivered, as if afraid.   
  
Through the doors behind us strolled in a girl who looked younger than us all. She had sandy blond hair, down to her shoulders, and very piercingly blue eyes. She wore a crimson corslet, a shield on her back, and carried a large halberd over her shoulder. A bullhorn hung from her belt. The bell sound came from that halberd, where a bell was attached to the bottom of the large blade.   
  
"Hah. Another demon trying to take my place? Go back to whence you came!" With that, she swung the halberd in an arc, the bell ringing loudly. The demon shook violently, howled, and exploded. There was a general 'oto' from everyone. Mark looked upset again.  
  
"I can't believe this. How could this one have the power to defeat the Demon of Souls?" The jewel glowed again, and he shouted, "Devil summon!" Several high-level devils appeared around the girl. She gave a sigh of exasperation.   
  
"Don't you understand? Break away! Banisher!" She swung her halberd again, the bell tolled, and the devils were dispersed without her even touching them.  
  
"Why is this happening?" Mark shouted. By then, Cat had revived everyone, and they were preparing for another power attack. "Very well. This is only temporary." With that, he vanished.   
  
With Mark gone, the cooks who we had defeated all came back to normal. They all looked around confused. Even the one Cat had stabbed through the head.  
  
"Weren't you dead?"   
  
"Dead? Where am I? I was cooking only a minute ago!" With that, they all walked back into the kitchen, leaving us to deal with plot. I'm beginning to despise it.  
  
"Well, that was another drearily boring display of demonic power. I can't believe he was actually controlling them. Devils of that level don't let those so weak control them," the girl said strolling over.   
  
"Indeed," Enall said, appearing out of nowhere. "There is definitely something going on that requires an explanation." He turned and gave us a serious look. "And you!" he exclaimed, pointing at me. "Where did you come from?"  
  
Not sure how to deal with this again, I decided on a rational approach to the question. "I'm just a random Joe!" I sang, dancing off-screen. With me no longer on screen, they couldn't see me, so the conversation picked up where it had left off.  
  
"Well," Julio said, sitting down calmly, "that guy, Mark, is part of this group trying to kill us for some random reason. We're not sure why, but we get the beat the living crap out of him every time, so we don't complain."  
  
"I do."  
  
"Normally, I would disregard a story like that as absurd. However..." Enall stroked his beard. Did I mention he had a beard? He does. "After seeing that man in action, I'm inclined to believe you."  
  
"As am I, though I still don't think he's that powerful. You shouldn't lose to a weakling like him," the girl said.  
  
"And who are you, anyway?" Ari asked. "And how did you kill those demons so easily?"  
  
"Ah, pardon me," Enall said. "This is one of my former pupils, Aerynne. She died quite some time ago, and has become a Valkyrie." Aerynne gave a little wave of hello.   
  
Unphased by the statement, Hagmore asked, "Okay, what is that weapon? How does it kill so easily?"  
  
"Oh, this old thing?" Aerynne said, looking at the giant halberd. "This is a little something I got when I died. It's called Astarael. The bell is the doorway to death. It's very effective against demons and such. Don't you like it?" There was a general nodding. "I thought so! It's such a nice thing to have given me."  
  
"So anyway, it seems that plot is in order. We need to find where Mark and Seniana are coming from, so we can stop them. These attacks are getting real annoying," Cat complained.   
  
"Finally, someone sees things from my point of view..." I muttered under my breath. "And if I'm right, they should lead me to her..."   
  
"Say, if you're not too busy, would you join our group?" Julio asked Aerynne. She gave him a confused look.   
  
"Why would you want that?" she asked.   
  
"Because you can kill demons like no one's business! And that is incredibly helpful, considering that our enemies summon them like breakfast cereals! Whattaya say?" He loomed over her, waiting. Aerynne shrunk back, a little intimidated.   
  
"Well...okay, whatever."  
  
"EXCELLENT!" Julio did his happy dance. "Now, we have eight party members again! Time to go out and lay some smack!" With that, he marched out. We followed, leaving the room in shambles. Well, not like we would clean up.  
  
We left the castle and didn't get far before we were reminded of what we were GOING to do. "Hey, remember we were gonna split up and go find weapons of ungodly power?" I mentioned nonchalantly.   
  
"That's right! I almost forgot!" Julio jumped up. "Well, since we're an even number now, we can split into fair groups! Hmm, who should go with who..." He evened out the differences in party quality and finished up. "There! It'll be Zan and me, Alexander and Hagmore, Ari and Aerynne, and Cat choose one of the groups to go with!"  
  
"I find that somehow offensive to my well-being," Cat complained.   
  
"Besides, you haven't thought this through at all," I explained. "You have to two most damaging characters together, the only two who can heal decently together, and the two who are only average warriors together. And no matter where Cat goes, it still will be uneven. And what about me?"  
  
"Well, now we need to find a ship!"  
  
"HAVEN'T YOU LISTENED TO A WORD I'VE SAID?"  
  
"Oh, alright. Who should go with who, then?"  
  
"Well, thinking about it logically..." I pulled out a flowchart. "Cat already has weapons of doom in her hands. So she doesn't need to find any, so she can go wherever. Aerynne's weapon is more powerful than all of us, so she won't need one either. They don't need to go anywhere. In fact, half of us don't need to go anywhere, since Alexander and I also already have all the weaponry we need. So, really only you, Zan, Hagmore and Ari need to go anywhere. So, we should put -"  
  
"Hagmore and Ari, and Zan and I! And you other guys can just kinda do what you want for a while. See ya!" With that, the two groups walked off in search of a ship.   
  
"...I suppose you won't listen to me anymore, will you." A ship to where? They didn't even have the slightest clue WHERE they were going! And what were we supposed to do? Sometimes, I think life makes my head hurt. To make things even more confusing, as I turned around, Cat and Aerynne were walking off.  
  
"See you guys later! We're gonna go check up on some stuff. We'll see you in two weeks!" They called back, waving. I was left, standing alone with Alexander, who had found a didgeridoo somewhere and was belting on it.   
  
"Now, I know that I have been forsaken. Well, might as well go do some plot." With that, I walked off, sullen, and Alexander belted more low notes as he followed me.   
  
  
To be continued. 


	8. Side Story 1: Evil and Evil

Well, who knows what part 7 was all about...I was kinda lazy there...here comes some more totally random stuff.  
  
Well, since we're split up, I'll just do this from a third-person sort of deal. Not like any of you care. I wonder, if you're reading this, how you got this far. You either have a lot of patience, or are really bored.  
  
Side-Story #1  
  
Julio and Zan walked down a cliffside. "Why are we walking down a cliff?" Zan asked.  
  
"Simple!" Julio yelled back. "All good treasures are on cliffs! You of all people should know that, Zan!"   
  
"Well, yes," Zan said, scrambling for footing, "But doesn't one usually climb the cliff instead of going down it?"  
  
Julio had to stop for that one. "That is true, isn't it," he mumbled to himself. "That is always true. Hmm...but that's strange. The dungeon started at the top of the cliff. Does this mean that this cliff does not follow the cliff standards? Maybe it's a special case...but that would mean that we would keep going on past this cliff. But, from what it looks like, there isn't anywhere to go past this cliff."  
  
"Can we at least get on better grounding?" Zan wailed, looking at the unsteady footing they were on.  
  
"So, does that mean that this is...a special cliff?" Julio's eyes burned with passion. "It could! And when something is as special as this, then it is undoubtedly guarding some kind of special treasure! And that treasure can only be..." Julio slammed his foot on a nearby rock, preparing to reveal the name of the treasure. However, the rock was so loose, that it came loose and fell, taking several rocks with it, as well as Julio and Zan. They both fell far down, both wailing the entire way.  
  
Time passed...  
  
They came to at the bottom of the cliff, both bleary-eyed and without any bearings. "Julio..." Zan growled, "I hate you so much."  
  
"Are you kidding me? That cliff was so asking for it! I showed it the power of justice!" He laughed and pounded his chest. "See? Look! Not a single scratch."   
  
"That's cause we're just sprites. They aren't gonna make a new sprite for an injured you. Unless you lost an arm or something."  
  
"Hey...where are we, anyway?" Julio asked, looking around.  
  
"No changing the subject!" Zan shouted. "We almost got ourselves killed! Did you not even realize that?"  
  
"No, seriously, there's something weird about this place," Julio said. There was a strange green glow that emanated from the caverns nearby.  
  
"Almost killed! And you're worried about our location! What's wrong with that? Do you not even realize the consequence of your actions?"  
  
"Zan, not to burst your bubble or anything..."  
  
"I don't want to die by falling off a cliff!"  
  
"But this is really important..." The glow was getting more and more intense.   
  
"I'll tell you what's important! My living!"  
  
"Zan, there's something coming from over there!"  
  
"What?" They both looked over, only to see a hideous monster come lurching out of the cave. It was a hideously rotted corpse - undead. It looked right at them with one eye that barely stayed in its socket and gave a guttural moan. It took another step, and some of its rotten intestines fell out.  
  
"GAAAH!" They both screamed. Zan jumped into Julio's arms, and Julio turned and ran, both still screaming. They didn't stop running for a while. When they finally did, Julio threw Zan down and walked in a circle, rubbing his arms and sweating. "What the hell was that?" he yelled, still shaking slightly.  
  
"Undead," Zan whispered. "Why would they be here?"  
  
"That's what I wanted to ask you. You're the Lich. You should know these kind of things."   
  
"I should," Zan said. "I know where all the necromancers are. But there aren't any around this area, and no one has moved nearby here for over two thousand years. There's no way a spell to bind the dead could hold for so long."  
  
Julio shivered. "Jeez...two thousand year-old undead. How nasty." He rubbed his arms again. "But there's no other choice now. We know that there's something down there that's controlling the dead. This is something that needs to be ended."  
  
"Even though I don't want to, I agree. We need to put these souls to rest." Zan stood up sadly and started walking. "Man, I wish Alexander or Hagmore were here. They would be so helpful right now."  
  
"Can't rely on everyone all the time. Hey, we made it for a long time together, just the two of us, remember?" Julio prodded Zan with his elbow, grinning. "Remember all the crazy adventures we had? Stealing from old men, and that crazy vase quest?"  
  
"Man, that vase quest pissed me off. I knew I should have invested in a players guide for that one."  
  
"You're such a wuss. It only took us three days!"  
  
"Three days wasted! Think of what we could have done in three days!"  
  
"Hmm..." Julio thought. "Looked for other vases!"  
  
"Gah!" Zan fell over, and into the water. "Uh? Hey, the river."  
  
"Wow, we're back already," Julio said, looking around. "No sign of our friend."   
  
"Don't call him a friend. He may decide to become friendly and bring some of his friends along."  
  
"That's what friends are for!" Julio kicked over a boulder. "He doesn't seem to want to see us. I feel a bit rejected."  
  
"Well, we did kind of run away screaming from the sight of him. I would too."  
  
"Dude, you have a piranha living in your hat."  
  
"What does that have to do with anything?"  
  
"Nevermind. Let's just go looking through the cave. Maybe our undead friend was just an illusion." Julio grinned and stared forward. However, he didn't get far before something squished under his foot. He glanced down and saw that he was stepping in the rotted guts of the undead corpse that had fallen out. He shivered and washed off his boot. "Okay, so it's not fake..." Before he could finish, a low moan came from the cave. Zan and Julio looked at each other.  
  
"This is not gonna be fun. You lead."  
  
"Me? Why should I lead?"  
  
"Because you're the big strong Fighter, and I'm the weak Arch Mage. Go." With that, Zan pushed Julio into the cave, and they were swallowed by the darkness.   
  
A lot of time passed. Julio led the way, a large torch in his hand, Zan right behind him. Both looked around constantly, keeping their eyes open for undead. As they walked, a large lizard came crawling out of a side tunnel and growled at them.  
  
"Burst Lightning!" Zan shouted immediately. The lizard was killed instantly.   
  
"Dude, mellow out," Julio said. "Save your magic for the big guys. I'll take care of these little guys."  
  
"Little?" Zan shouted, a little paranoid. "It's bigger than both of us!"   
  
"So?" A small bat came flying out at them. "Ah-ha!" Julio cut the bat in half.   
  
[Gain 16EXP and 203 GP. Acquired x1 Pipe Organ]  
  
"Gah -" Zan sat and stared at the pipe organ that now occupied most of the cavern. "Wha...how are we supposed to use this in our quest to conquer evil?"  
  
"By playing it and increasing our rate of item creation, obviously!" Julio said, grinning. He sat down at the organ bench and began to slam out a horrible melody.   
  
"You may kill us with the act of playing it!" Zan shouted over the noise. "Anyway, let's get going. We don't have time to sit around..." His stomach suddenly growled loudly. Zan gave an embarrassed laugh. "Well...what time is it?"  
  
"Hmm..." Julio rubbed his chin. "Probably well after dusk."  
  
"Really?" Zan said, looking a bit confused. "That late already?"  
  
"Not surprising." Julio shrugged. "It was almost dusk when we entered these caves. We should probably rest and recover here for the night."  
  
"I would agree, but what about those undead?" Julio twitched.   
  
"Well, they won't be that much of a problem. We'll just have to set up a watch for them. I'll take first watch. Now, for some food." He dipped into the item bag and pulled out some assorted breads, cheeses, meats, and cereal. Zan threw some sticks together and cast a fire spell on them to make a fire. The two wolfed down on the food, basking in the warmth of the small blaze. Zan settled down in a sleeping bag as Julio continued to sit on the organ bench, his arms crossed, looking down the two tunnels leading out. His sword rested on the bench, in easy reach. Time passed.  
  
A while later, Zan came out of a restless sleep to silence. He glanced around. The fire had gone out, and in the dim light, he could see Julio, still sitting, arms crossed, his head bobbing in sleep. Zan was about to throw a rock at him when he heard that low moan again - this time, it was closer. Shaking violently, Zan jumped out of his sleeping bag and rushed over to Julio. "Julio! Wake up!" he shouted, shaking him by the shoulders.  
  
"Eh...don't wanna go to school...lemme sleep..." Julio mumbled. Zan twitched.  
  
"Dusk Bolt!" Julio was electrified by the lightning blast. With lightning still coursing through his body, he jumped up.   
  
"What is it? What's going on? Time for ass-kicking!" He then looked around. "Whoa, Zan, what's up?"  
  
"T-t-the undead..." Zan stammered, pointing to one of the tunnels. Julio grabbed his sword and drew it. Zan hid behind him. Another moan came from the caves. There was the sound of dragging and shuffling, and a hideous slippery sound. Julio tightened the grip on his sword. They both waited, tense.   
  
Julio saw a shadow in the tunnels and wasted no time. Coursing with lightning, he rushed forward with a yell. "Blitz Howlnado!" he shouted, spinning. A whirlwind of electricity kicked up and tore through whatever it was hiding in the shadows. There was a squeal and a tearing sound as the whirlwind did its job. When the battle was over, Julio and Zan both rushed over.  
  
It wasn't undead. It had been a large, amphibious lizard. The lightning attack had done a thorough job on its life. "Well..." Julio said, breathing a bit easier. "That's reassuring. I thought it was another damn corpse." They both laughed a bit sheepishly as the EXP was dished out. Their laughter was cut off by another moan from the depths of the caves,   
  
"That's it, I'm not sleeping." Zan said stubbornly. "I will not have some rotting corpse trying to defile me whilst I sleep."   
  
"In that case, let's just keep going. I'm not about to sleep anytime soon until we know that those undead stay dead." Julio gathered up the camp equipment and they set out.   
  
It wasn't easy to try and make it through an unexplored cave. There was little sign of any human contact with the entire area. Bugs and lizards ranging in all sizes were scattered all over. They ran into an occasional wolf or large beast. But never once did they see a single corpse. Which made them all the more paranoid.   
  
"Julio, can we turn back?" Zan pleaded, cowering behind Julio as they stood before a fork in the road. Julio stood in silence, considering which path to take. "Please, let's go back. This place creeps me out."  
  
"Ah, you sissy. A few undead scare you? You are one! C'mon, I think we should go this way. It looks like it could have treasure down it."  
  
"Don't they all these days?" Zan asked worriedly as Julio marched down the right path. A few moments later, there was the sound of a quick scuffle and an explosion. Julio came running back, looking a bit wide-eyed and grinning wildly.   
  
"Not that way," was all he said, taking the left path. Zan followed him this time, though he was still uncertain. The path began to twist and turn, slowly leveling out and widening.   
  
"I have the feeling we have stumbled onto the end of this cave," Zan said sarcastically.   
  
"Ya think?" Julio said, drawing his sword. "And, we know what the end of the cave means.  
  
"Yeah...boss battle."  
  
An enormous beast loomed above them, roaring and flailing about. It was a minotaur, with broken shackles still clasped to its wrists. Its eyes burned in the shadow, and its horns gleamed in the dim light provided by the torch. It took a heavy step into the light, and moved its head closer to get a better look at them.  
  
"Julio, I have the feeling of impending doom..." Zan whimpered.  
  
"I think I may just agree with you..." Julio whispered back. "But I don't think this guy's going to let us go so easily..." They both began to slowly creep back, keeping their eyes on the minotaur the entire time. As they were creeping, Zan's boot hit a pebble and he slipped slightly. With that little movement, the two lost their confidence and broke into a dead run back into the tunnels. The minotaur roared and came barreling after them. The tunnels quickly became too small for the minotaur to fit through, so Julio and Zan ran down until they hit a bend in the path that hid them from it. They stopped and sat against the wall, breathing heavily.   
  
"What in god's name is a minotaur doing in a place like this?" Zan asked. "We could never beat that, even with everyone else."  
  
"No kidding...look at that thing go," Julio said, peeking around the corner. Zan did so, and saw that the minotaur was tearing apart the entire room. They looked at each other and swallowed nervously.  
  
"We're so dead if we try and fight that thing," Zan said with utmost confidence.   
  
"I completely agree with you," Julio said, ready to back his statement up with evidence.   
  
"So, the only thing we can do is..."  
  
"Leave, logically."  
  
"All in favor?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then, we go." With that, the two turned and began to stroll out of the cave. They didn't get far. A few feet away, they ran into the edge of the battle screen.  
  
"Damn! The battle's started officially now! We can't get out!" Zan wailed. He beat the edge mercilessly. "C'mon! Let us out, just this once!" Nothing happened. Zan sighed and sank to the ground. "We are so fucked."  
  
"In times like these..." Julio's eyes were shadowed dramatically. "There's only one thing to do." He drew his sword with echoing sound effects. "FIGHT TO THE BITTER, PAINFUL END!!" With that, Julio charged into the battle with a scream.  
  
"Julio, you are so very dead." Zan made a quick prayer. "Well, it was nice knowing you."  
  
"Taste my exposition!" Julio shouted, jumping up. "Whoop-Ass Supreme! Pigeon Flogging!!"  
  
"What the hell kind of attack name is that?" Zan shouted over the din of battle. Julio swung his sword, and a flurry of pigeons appeared from nowhere. They swooped about, causing a large distraction to the minotaur. As it flailed about, Julio touched onto the group and leapt towards the minotaur's stomach. He thrust his sword in deep and tore it out, ripping away flesh and causing large amounts of damage.   
  
"WHAT!" Zan shouted, baffled. "If he can do that...then we can win!!" His eyes flashed with determination. "IKUZE!" He stepped out from behind the wall and his hands began to glow with magic power. "Nightmare Calling! Darkness Overwhelming! Burst Drop!" Lava began to pour down upon the beast, and dark power consolidated onto the settling magma. It suddenly burst, causing more massive damage.  
  
The minotaur now took it's turn. It slammed its hand onto the ground, causing parts of the ceiling to come crashing down on them.  
  
"Let's-see-how-quick-we-can-make-this-battle-attack!" Julio shouted. "Magnum Breaker!" He struck the ground with his sword, and the ground exploded, causing massive damage to the boss and painful damage to Julio himself. "DAMN."  
  
"And-now-I-will-follow-through-magic!" Zan said, raising his hands over his head. "Thunderbolt!" Intense lightning crashed down through the ground. More powerful damage. "Julio! This thing has low defense! We can do this!"  
  
"EXCELLENT!" Julio shouted, posing.  
  
"NOT ANYMORE," said the sign the minotaur held up, giving Julio a bitch slap of a lifetime. Julio was left in critical.   
  
"Okay, so we are all officially going to die." Zan said.  
  
"We can do it! Dual Tech, Zan!" Julio jumped up, his sword shining brightly. The dramatic music began.  
  
"But...you'll die from it! You don't have enough HP!" Zan cried. Julio ginned, despite the blood that was dripping from his wounds.   
  
"It's okay! If this won't kill it, nothing can! Let's GO!!"  
  
Zan nearly didn't cast the spell. He didn't want his best friend to die. But then he remembered all their friends. They were counting on them to find the weapon hidden here. To save the world, they would need to be strong.   
  
"Orraaah!!" Zan screamed, drawing in more magic power than he ever had. "Dual Tech! Hispanic Justice Might Fusion!" Their power shone brightly, like a beacon of Justice for the entire world to see and marvel. "Aluminum Linoleum! SOUTHERN CROSS-BREAKER!"  
  
There was a huge explosion.   
  
Yeah, huge. It shook the Richter scale. It made people have heart attacks. It caused a distant planet to lose its orbital axis and fall into the sun. It blew up then entire solar system.   
  
And when the smoke cleared, the minotaur was still there.   
  
Julio dropped to his knees, having no more strength. He fell, unable to support his own body anymore. "No...after all this time, we couldn't do it..." A pool of blood began to form where he lay. Zan clutched his side, having used up all his MP and gotten hurt in the process.   
  
The minotaur reared back and roared, the toppled over, dead.   
  
A huge sweat drop appeared on Julio and Zan's heads. EXP was dished out, and the gold bag dropped from the sky into their wallet. Zan managed to limp over to where Julio lay on the ground, bleeding to death. There was nothing he could do - he was no healer, and there was no potion that could heal this. "Julio...why'd you have to go and do that? We could have pulled back and regrouped...you're always like this..." He coughed violently, blood spitting out. "Ah ha...ha ha ha...what irony. We kill the boss, only to die ourselves from the wounds. I need to find something...anything, to heal us..." He began to limp forward, blood trailing behind him.   
  
Zan didn't know how long he walked. It could have been a few minutes, or it could have been hours. All he knew was that he had to keep moving forward. Eventually he was crawling, unable to control himself. It was like his body was forcing itself to keep going, no matter the cost.  
  
It suddenly was just in front of him. He didn't see it from a distance, or feel it - it was just there, sticking out of the ground a few feet away; a large, shining blade that emanated an aura of pure evil. The Masamune. Zan wondered idly in the back of his mind why it was there, but the thought was banished with how he would get by it. The evil was like a wall - he couldn't get any closer.   
  
That was when he heard the footsteps behind him. He couldn't turn - that took too much effort. Might as well let whatever it was stab him in the back while he lay here, unable to move any further. He saw the boot fall next to his head, then lift and keep going. He managed to look up, and saw Julio, his eyes blank, walking towards the evil blade. He still had the wounds from before, but he must have bleed his blood all away - there was no more coming out. Julio walked up to the large sword and stopped in front of it, his mouth moving silently. He suddenly reached out and took hold of the hilt. The blade crackled with energy, but Julio ignored it and drew the blade out of the ground.   
  
The blade tried to corrupt him with it's evil - but Julio was almost dead, and his spirit had already left his body. There was nothing for the blade to corrupt. Unable to do anything, the weapon submitted its will to Julio's. With that, Julio fell to his knees, only supported by the sword, which had lodged into the ground.   
  
Without the barrier stopping him, Zan kept going. He could see what it was that was pulling him - a large, metal staff that was imbedded into a pedestal. He crawled up to it and saw that there were words inscribed in the base - but he could barely see clearly, as such could not make them out. He reached out and took hold of the staff.   
  
It was like awakening from sleep. Zan suddenly felt more aware than he had ever felt in his entire life. He could FEEL life around him, breathing, heartbeats, a soft glow of existence. He felt the wound in his side close up, and could feel strength returning to his body once again. He turned to look at Julio, who's body had nearly stopped working now. His spirit still hung about, unsure as to where to go, and unable to leave until the body fully died. Zan pointed with his staff and a bright light shone, tracing a symbol along Julio's heart. He would live, now...his soul tied to his body, and his body tied to him. Zan felt power unlike he had even known.   
  
"Zan, if you're going to possess my body, please ASK me next time," Julio moaned, holding his side painfully. "You have no idea how much that hurts."  
  
"Sorry," Zan said apologetically, "but I didn't have much of a choice. It was either that or letting you die."  
  
"Well, ask me still. I might not want your help."   
  
"Whatever."  
  
"So...what did you find there? Must be something powerful." Julio peered at the plain staff, looking at it from every angle. "I don't get it...what is it?"  
  
"I don't know myself..." Zan said, turning to look at the pedestal. He then remembered the writing on the base, and peered at it. He read it aloud: "My Mind is My Power, My Power is My Mind. I Control the Living and the Dead. Let All Who Breath Live to Serve Me. Umbrath." Zan straightened. "Umbrath...that sounds familiar. Do you remember ever hearing that name before?" He didn't really expect Julio to know.  
  
"Sure, it was the one guy who was turned into a Lich...what, two hundred years ago? He was real evil and controlled a whole bunch of kings and such, 'til some Heroes stopped him." Zan boggled at him. "What? I was a history buff in school."  
  
"Well, then." Zan looked at the staff in his hands. "This should be very helpful to us in the future, don't you think?"  
  
"Not as helpful as my awesome powerful Masamune! Man, I emanate evil from every pore!"  
  
"No, the sword does. Let's get a-movin'. We have to meet up with the others in eight days." With their wounds healed, the two walked out of the cave, now ready to face any evil that would stand in their way.  
  
  
NEXT: Side-Story #2 


	9. Side Story 2: Holy and Holy

I don't think I need to tell you that I was bashing Chrono Cross back there.  
  
Side-Story #2  
  
  
"North - Cursed Shrine. East - Topoly. West - South Rosedale." Hagmore straightened. "Well, there isn't much on the way of choice here, is there? They seem to want to make it very apparent where we should go."  
  
Ari strolled past him, humming a happy little tune. "Well, let's relax for a little bit. We've been walking ever since we got off that boat, and my feet hurt."  
  
"With destiny," Hagmore agreed. "Well, there's a bazaar going on here, we can look around and see if there's anything worth buying." Ari skipped away, and Hagmore tromped after her, clanking with each step. At that, he paused for a moment. "Ari!" She paused in her skipping to look at him curiously. "I'm gonna go find an inn first and get rid of some of this armor. I'll catch up with you later." Ari smiled and waved back, then disappeared into the crowd. Hagmore nodded to himself and trudged off to find an inn.   
  
It didn't take long, since there was only one building in the entire town that said 'Inn' over the door. Hagmore walked in and purchased a room for 70 GP/night. He deposited his armor and Holy Avenger in the room, locked it, and strolled off to try and find Ari. He failed to see the pair of gleaming eyes that watched him in the shadows like a plot point waiting to strike.  
  
Hagmore walked out into the crowded street, filled with street vendors and merchants from around the world, hawking their foreign goods to the people who wandered about. Hagmore saw all kinds of wonders about the street, strange animals from distant lands, all kinds of foodstuffs, pumpernickel, and the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota. He was staring at the ball of twine when he felt someone pulling on his belt. He glanced over to see a small child trying to get his purse. He idly slapped the child away and strolled off.   
  
"Hagmore!" Hagmore turned to see Ari standing on a barrel waving at him. He weaved through the crowd to where she stood. "You have to come see! I found all kinds of neat places with all kinds of stuff! There's all these cooking stores, and they sell all these rare ingredients, and there's item shops, and and and you have to see it! C'mon!" The over-energetic cook grabbed Hagmore and dragged him away.   
  
The cooking section of the bazaar was a bit more than the average person could handle. As soon as you entered, you were accosted by mothers claiming to be the best cook around, overwhelmed by the men who cooked Manly Meals, and attacked by giant frozen tuna that you could use as a weapon if you wanted to. Ari blew past most people and weaved around those she couldn't, still dragging the helpless Red Mage behind her.  
  
"What do we need from here?" Hagmore asked painfully, fending off another Manly Cooker.   
  
"There are so many great shops, why do you need to even ask?" Ari bubbled excitedly, running from one stand to the next.   
  
"My arm wants it's body back..." Hagmore moaned, praying that she would stop soon.  
  
Just then, a man with impeccable timing appeared in front of them. His timing was so impeccable, that the whole world slowed down for a moment as they paused to let him pass. It was like having a cut-scene, but totally unrelated to anything.   
  
Distracted by the impeccable timing, Hagmore almost didn't see the warning sign that flashed at the top of the screen. "Oh, look, a plot point," he said, pointing. Several townspeople looked up as well.   
  
"Take cover!" someone shouted, and everyone dove for cover - under carts, inside houses, under dresses, inside fruits, wherever they could find shelter. Hagmore and Ari simply stood blankly as everyone scattered. A cloud of dust blew up; when it cleared, the plot point had arrived.  
  
It was in the shape of a group of rather tough-looking group of men, all wearing tattered blue cloaks with shifty faces. There were four of them altogether. One was a thin, average man with spiky blond hair, one a huge boulder of a man with no hair and a nose ring, one a shorter fat man with short black hair, and the fourth a tall man whose face was half obscured by a mask. They faced Hagmore and Ari, the wind blowing at their cloaks.  
  
"Well, well...what do we have here? Travelers?" The spiky-haired man sneered at them, looking them up and down. "And fairly well-off, too, it seems."  
  
"Not many people come through here so well provided," the fat man gurgled. Hagmore and Ari looked at each other, then at themselves.   
  
"If this is what you consider 'well-off'..." Hagmore said slowly, "then you guys must be really poor. Here, have a quarter. Don't spend it all in one place." Hagmore tossed a quarter at the four. There was a flash of movement from the masked man, and when the quarter hit the ground, it was in five pieces. Hagmore raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Don't mock us, kid," the big man said in a deep voice. "Give us your money or we'll take your life."  
  
"This is all very dramatic," Ari said quietly. "Do they really think that we have to fight them for our money? It's not even a challenge." The fat man heard her and sneered.  
  
"I'm glad you see it our way, girl. Now drop your cash and leave!"   
  
Ari blinked, confused. "What? No, I meant you guys against us. You'd lose in a flash. Not even worth a mini-boss fight." The four of them all stepped back, anger showing on their faces.  
  
"What was that? Do you even know who we are, girl?" the spiky-haired man yelled. The four went into a series of intricate movements, jumping back and forth between buildings. They all landed in formation and struck a pose as they announced their names. "Lucius!" the spiky-haired one shouted.  
  
"Grandorn!" the big man bellowed.  
  
"Omlette!" the fat man screamed.  
  
"Ardor," the masked man said softly.  
  
"Together we are!" They all struck a Brand New Pose. "The Deirias Squad!" Drama shook the walls. There was a deafening silence, then the four looked at Hagmore and Ari. The two were squatting down, Hagmore rolling some dice. He added modifiers and made a total, then the two nodded.   
  
"Sorry, guys, but you failed your roll to impress us," he reported. The four fell over, then quickly regained their composure.   
  
"You dare to mock us so? I will show you no mercy!" Lucius yelled, crossing his hands across his chest. He ran towards them with a scream.  
  
"Wait, Lucius!"   
  
Everyone turned to look at the new speaker. It was a boy, barely looking twelve, also wearing a blue cloak, but a much nicer one, with matching blue hair. The boy walked over to the Deirias Squad, and the four went on their knees. He walked over to where Lucius knelt.  
  
"There's no need to waste your time on these people. They no longer interest me." He shot a chilling smile to Hagmore and Ari, who still hadn't moved. "You two may go about your business again. We have no more business with you. However-" His eyes flashed dangerously. "If your try to interfere with us, we will not hesitate to kill you." He smiled pleasantly and walked away, the Deirias' following in tow. Hagmore scratched his head in confusion.   
  
"That was very odd. What was it all about?" Ari shrugged. Hagmore shrugged back. "Whatever. Oh, right, I found the inn. Let's take a rest there, I'm beat." With that, the two walked out of the area. As they left, a single man was left standing in the still empty square, standing with impeccable timing.   
  
The two walked back to the inn and Hagmore unlocked the room. He stepped in and threw himself on the bed, exhausted. "Man, what a day. So much exposition in this town. Can't we ever find someplace normal?" Ari laughed and sat down on the other bed.   
  
"But this IS normal, Hagmore! Besides, I like this town. I think, when we're done with our adventures, I might come back here. I could probably find some good work."  
  
"What, cooking monsters?" Ari threw a pillow at him.   
  
"No, dummy, cooking REAL meals! People do like to eat real food, you know. Just because the only ingredients I have while we're on the field are monsters doesn't mean everyone eats them. Speaking of which, can I have your wallet? I wanna go buy some real food."  
  
"Yeah, sure, it's in my armor." Ari jumped up and looked around.  
  
"Well, where is it?" she asked impatiently. Hagmore groaned and sat up.  
  
"What do you mean, where is it, you can't miss..." Hagmore looked around the room. His armor wasn't there. Neither was his sword. Hagmore looked around the room slowly, then with increasing franticness. "Where is it? Where's my armor?!" He looked like he was going to hyperventilate. "That armor was given to me when I became a Paladin! My instructor would have my head if he found I had lost it!" He sat down on the bed, his face in his hands. "I'll never live this up..."   
  
"Don't give up so soon, Hagmore, it must be around here somewhere..." Ari began to explore the room, checking the closets and opening trunks as Hagmore angsted. She peeked under the bed and blinked. "Hello, what's this?" She reached under and there was a hiss from under the bed. Ari withdrew her hand quickly, sticking her finger in her mouth. "Something cut me!"   
  
Hagmore jumped up and peered under the bed. There was something under there that looked almost human, but definitely wasn't. "Hello, who are you?" There was no response. "C'mon, now, I won't hurt you. Won't you come out here? It must be awfully cramped under there." There was a hesitant bit of movement.   
  
"Don't worry, we won't hurt you," Ari said, coaxing the thing out. Slowly, the creature came out. It was a catgirl, barely coming up to Ari's shoulders, with flaxen blond hair and big green eyes. She wore rather worn clothes and didn't look too well fed. Hagmore scratched his head.  
  
"How did you get in here? The door was locked when I left, and when I came back. Which reminds me, how did my armor get stolen if the door was still locked...?" His eyes narrowed. "Did YOU steal my armor?!" he said menacingly, looming over her. The catgirl cringed and hid behind Ari.  
  
"Now, Hagmore, be nice to her." Ari chided him like a mother. She pet the catgirl on the head, stroking her ears. "See how cute she is?" Hagmore looked at the catgirl. The catgirl looked at him with the most pathetic and sad eyes anyone had ever seen. The look was so cute that it cured Hagmore's cancer that he didn't even know he had until it was cured.  
  
"Alright, so she's too cute," Hagmore said with a sigh. "But how did she get in here?" He knelt in front of the catgirl. "What's your name, little one?"  
The catgirl squirmed a bit, seeming to be torn between keeping quiet and talking. Finally, she said quickly, "Ruppi."   
  
"Aw, what a cute name..." Ari gushed happily, hugging the poor girl. "She's so cute, Hagmore! Can we keep her?"  
  
"Ari, you can't keep a catgirl. For one, she's not a pet, she's a person. For two, we don't have any money right now, so we can't even afford food for ourselves, much less anything else. Much as I hate to say it, she can't come with us."  
  
Ruppi looked at him with sad eyes again. Hagmore would have gouged his eyes out so he didn't have to see them, they were so cute. He was about to blindfold himself so he could outside take the catgirl when she said, "I saw who took your things-nyo."   
  
Hagmore rounded on her and nearly crushed her with his grip. "You did?! Who was it? Where did they go? What did they look like? I'll buy you a car if we can find our money! Who was it?" He was so anxious he shook her like a rag doll. Hagmore realized what he was doing and stopped. Ruppi swayed back and forth, looking terribly dizzy.   
  
When she regained her composure, she finally started talking in her quiet voice. "I came in here not long after you left, by going in through a secret passage I found a long time ago-nyo. I was tired and was asleep under the bed when a little boy with fancy clothes came in and threw everything into a big bag-nyo. He looked really scary, so I stayed hiding-nyo." Hagmore rubbed his chin thoughtfully.  
  
"This boy...was he wearing a blue cloak?" Ruppi nodded. "It must have been that kid form before! No wonder he said that he wasn't interested in us!" Hagmore shook with rage. "That little brat...I'll rend him limb from limb! Let's go, Ari! We're gonna go kick some pre-pubescent ass!"  
  
"Yay!" Ari jumped up and down happily. She turned to Ruppi. "You wanna come with us? It'll be lots of fun!" Ruppi looked at her a bit oddly.  
  
"Um...Do you even know where he is-nyo?" she asked quietly.  
  
"Of course not!" Hagmore said proudly, breaking apart a chair to use for a weapon. "But that's what the townspeople are for! We'll ask them for all the info we need!" With that, he marched out, chair leg over his shoulder, with Ari dragging Ruppi along.  
  
The town was big - but that just meant all the more information there was to be gathered. Hagmore went through every area, interrogating every person he saw for whatever info he or she had. Far too often it was unless info. After a while, Hagmore started getting a little peeved. When he had gone through almost the entire town, he was getting severely upset. After the last area, he was ready to do war on someone. "This is insane! A huge town like this and not a SINGLE person knows where the hidden thieves' hideout is? What's wrong with these people? Don't they have priorities?"  
  
Ari sat down, no longer enthused at the prospect of some ass kicking. 'This sucks. I'm tired now. Can we go and find some food? I'm really hungry!"  
  
"Damn that kid! He must have threatened the people to keep his hideout secret!" Hagmore stamped the ground to show his anger to it.   
  
"You know..." Ruppi said quietly. "There is a cursed shrine to the north of here-nyo. Do you think they might be in there-nyo?"   
  
Hagmore stopped to consider. "Good enough! And even if they aren't, then by God, I'll whoop someone's ass!" He jumped up and ran outside. On the world map, they traveled north a few feet and entered the shrine.  
  
It was white and run down, as cursed shrines are wont to be. The first room had a big sign that said some ancient gibberish. They ignored it and headed forward to the next room.   
  
Then the puzzles began.  
  
"'Putting two blocks of the same color down causes all blocks in between to change to that color. Move one green block to change all of the blocks to green!' Why is there an exclamation at the end?" Hagmore sighed. "Well, let's take a look at this."  
  
There were seven different colors.  
  
"I give up already. Let's go home," Ari begged.   
  
"Never! I used to MAKE puzzles like these! One so simple won't stop me!" He observed it for a moment, then snapped. "Got it!" He then went and kicked one green block over a square. This somehow started a chain reaction and turned everything to green. The door to the next room opened. "See? Piece of cake."  
  
The next room was about the same, but more blocks and a new puzzle. "'Move one mauve block and one teal block to change all the blocks to off-red!' This could be slightly more difficult." Hagmore once again observed the blocks for a while. Then, he threw a mauve block randomly across the room and kicked a teal one a few squares away. Somehow, again, this caused the solution. The door to the next room opened.  
  
"This isn't so bad," Hagmore commented as they walked into the next room.  
  
"You just had to say that, didn't you?" Ari moaned, pointing. There were millions of blocks, with dozens of colors, scattered all over, even on the walls and ceiling. Hagmore peered at the sign.  
  
"'Move two grape blocks, one cow block, and one invisible block to change all the blocks in the room to happy!' I never even knew happy was a color!" Hagmore sat down and looked at everything. Hours passed.  
  
Ari took a nap to pass the time. When she awoke, Hagmore was still at it, testing out theories and making adjustments. "Alright! I think I got it this time!" Hagmore pushed two grape blocks, one cow block, and the invisible block around to cause a chain reaction. Everything turned to the color happy...except for a small group of blocks in the corner. Hagmore studied them with an evil eye. He then walked over and kicked the blocks until they were broken to pieces. The door opened. "See? Victory!"  
  
"I'm so hungry, Hagmore..." Ari wailed.   
  
"Then we'll just have to cook their corpses for keeping us from food! I'm hungry, too!" The two proceeded on, Ruppi still in tow.   
  
They had barely gone anywhere when some monsters attacked: a large lion thing with two smaller zebraish creatures. Ari instantly cooked the lion into a meal as Hagmore beat the zebras to death with his chair leg. They sat down and had a quick meal, then continued. Monsters avoided them after that.  
  
After some exploring and such, they came to the large chapel area. And who else was there, but the Deirias Squad and the boy. They were lounging about, a mountain of wealth surrounding them. The boy noticed them and smiled. "Oh, you're finally here. What took you so long? Did you get lost?"  
  
"You're funny, kid. Real funny." Hagmore stepped forward menacingly. "Give me back my armor!"  
  
"Get lost!" Omlette said with a laugh. "What do you think you can do to us if we don't?"  
  
Hagmore thought for a moment. "Beat you to within an inch of your life."  
  
They all looked at each other and burst into laughter. "Oh, that was classic," the boy said, holding his side. "But we knew you were coming as soon as you entered. Before that, even. So we've prepared a little surprise for you." The doors slammed shut. "There's no escape for you...we'll just have to kill you." The boy stood up calmly. "Now, come here, Ruppi."   
  
There was a pause, then Ari and Hagmore turned to look at the catgirl. "What? You mean...you were working for them all along?"  
  
Ruppi cringed. "I-I'm sorry, nyo...they forced me to do it-nyo. I didn't have any choice-nyo..." With that, she scampered away to near the boy. He grabbed her roughly and stroked her ears.  
  
"That's a good girl. See, it wasn't so hard, was it? Now, beat it." With that, he threw Ruppi into the pews. She yelped in pain, but he just kicked her to keep her quiet.   
  
"You can't treat her like that!" Ari yelled.  
  
"And why not?" The boy sneered. "She's my pet."  
  
"You can't own a person!" Ari yelled back.  
  
"Shut up, girl!" Lucius yelled. He threw a large golden cup at her, which Hagmore intercepted. "Don't you dare talk that way to Master Ysverdanya!"   
  
"I'll talk to him however I want!" Ari shouted. "Besides, I'm hungry! Give us back our money!"  
  
"You'll have to fight us for it!" Grandorn bellowed. He charged, and Hagmore jumped to the side to avoid him.   
  
"Ari! Look out!" he shouted. But Ari did not move. At the last minute, she whirled and point at Grandorn with a frying pan.  
  
"Babushka!" she shouted. Grandorn was enveloped with a bright glow. Suddenly, he was compacted into a small babushka doll. Ari picked him up and pocketed him. The rest of the Deirias were all in shock.  
  
"Grandorn...beaten so easily..." Omlette growled. "I won't let you get away with this!" He pointed at Ari. "Fire 4!" A huge burst of fire erupted from the ground. Ari walked through the blaze, her eyes full of hunger and anger.   
  
"Don't you DARE try to burn my hair!" she shouted, throwing several forks at him. They struck, each dealing surprising damage.  
  
Lucius charged at Ari, but Hagmore stepped in between. "You have to get through me first, kid." Hagmore said with a growl.  
  
"Easy enough!" Lucius reached into his belt and drew two short swords. He began to swing at Hagmore, who tried to block with his chair leg, but it was quickly cut to pieces. He was forced to dodge the flurry of attacks, trying to find an opening. Lucius swung a bit too hard on one swing, and Hagmore tried to get close to hit him. Lucius was expecting that, however, and struck Hagmore with his shoulder, then cast a wind spell. Hagmore slammed into the wall and crashed through it, landing propped up against something. Lucius entered the room, about ready to say something witty when he stopped and stared in horror. Hagmore raised and eyebrow and looked at what he was propped against.  
  
It was a sword. Not just any sword - clearly a holy sword. He took one look at the base and grinned. He stood and drew the blade from the stone it rested in. "Now, try to fight me with the Holy Blade Excalibur!"   
  
"Shit! Excalibur?! That was here?" Lucius ran in to try and attack Hagmore before he could do anything. Hagmore swung his sword and a wave of holy fire poured out. Lucius swore and ran out. Hagmore followed and froze.   
  
Lucius was holding Ruppi, a sword against her throat. "Don't come any closer, or I'll cut her throat! I mean it! Not a step closer!"  
  
Hagmore looked at him oddly. "Whatever." With that, he cast Bolt 3. Lucius was sufficiently fried into meat. Ruppi was spared from the spell. "You alright?" Hagmore asked her. She nodded, her eyes wide and afraid.  
  
Ari struck Omlette with a frying pan and cooked him into - what else - an omlette. Just then, Ardor came floating down. "You must now fight me for the honor of fighting Master Ys."  
  
"Ys? You call him Ys for short?" Ardor nodded. Ari sighed. "What a bad joke..." Just then, Hagmore hopped up, now clad in his armor again, with the Holy Avenger over his back and the Excalibur in his hand. "Hey, you got our stuff back!"  
  
"Yep! Which means it's time to go eat!"   
  
"Yay!" They turned to leave, but were stopped by the large sealed door. "Damn. We have to fight them."  
  
"Oh, well." They turned to face Ardor. He flew in and disappeared suddenly. Hagmore idly stuck out his hand, and there was a resounding thud. Ardor reappeared, holding his nose.  
  
"How were you able to see me? No one has ever been able to see me!" Hagmore shrugged. "Grrr...damn you! Take this!" He created a large ball of destruction and hurled at them. Hagmore drew the Holy Avenger and crossed his two swords, holding the ball where it was. Ari drew herself up and drew several painful-looking kitchen utensils.   
  
"Armashmeddon!" She cried, and threw them all at Ardor. He was sufficiently maimed by all the utensils. Ari then pulled out a large rolling pin and smacked him on the head with it. Ardor fell over and was defeated. EXP for the whole of the fight was totaled and delivered.   
  
"Very interesting," Ys said, appearing out of nowhere. "The Deirias Squad has never been defeated before...and never so easily. You two definitely aren't people to take lightly."  
  
"Well, we have to beat him to get out of here, right?" Hagmore asked. "Let's get this over and done with. I'm really hungry." Ys smiled.  
  
"You two don't seem to realize the danger you're in...allow me to show you how helpless you really are." He suddenly vanished. Hagmore and Ari looked around, trying to find him, but there was no trace of him. "Looking for something?" Ys' voice came from behind Hagmore. He spun and tried to hit him, but her was gone before he even finished turning. "No, no...over here!" Again, from behind. Hagmore whirled again, but no sign of him. "Where are you aiming?" Hagmore, frustrated, spun in a continuous circle, his swords out.  
  
"Watch where you're swinging those!" Ari yelled, ducking to avoid the huge swords.  
  
"Ha ha ha...you are helpless against me. There's no way you can match my speed!" His voice came from all around. Hagmore was suddenly struck rather viciously in the back. He stumbled forward and tried to look to see Ys. Ari was then tripped and hit several times in rapid succession. Hagmore narrowed his eyes, then smiled. He swung his sword and stabbed behind him, hearing a satisfying crunch. He turned to see Ys staring at him, clutching his bleeding side. "How...did you see me...?"  
  
"You weren't moving fast at all...just invisible. Then you used ventriloquism to project your voice to confuse us while you got in position." Hagmore pointed his sword at the boy. "You're finished."  
  
"Not likely!" Ys began to glow, then split into seven. "See if you can see through this, now! Each one of these copies is just like me in every way! Meaning, they can also hurt you! Try and kill me now!" The copies converged on Hagmore. He attacked them all, but as soon as they were cut down, they regenerated. Not only that, but their attacks were powerful. Surrounded, things looked bad. Until several explosions sent the copies scurrying. Hagmore turned to see Ari, holding a shining pot.   
  
"Where'd you get that? It's a holy...cook set..." Hagmore said, trailing off, not sure how to come to terms with that.  
  
"Oh, I found it somewhere. Who cares? Let's finish this!" Ari pointed it at the copies and fired again. The explosion blew them apart, but they reformed. "Damn, how are we supposed to kill him?"  
  
Hagmore pulled himself up as the copies advanced again. Suddenly, Ruppi came running in and tackled one of the copies. The others suddenly flickered and disappeared. "Quick!" she shouted, her arms wrapped around Ys' neck. "Finish him-nyo! I can hold off his spell!"  
  
"B-but, you'll die too!" Ari shouted. Ruppi smiled a little.  
  
"It's okay-nyo...I don't have any family or friends. All I did was steal for them-nyo...but I didn't like that life. So let it end for me-nyo..." A tear ran down her check. Ys continued to thrash about, trying to get her off him.   
  
Hagmore reversed his swords and brought them over his head. "I'm sorry, Ruppi." he whispered.   
  
"Growl Breaker!" He stabbed the swords into the ground. Two sparks shot along the ground to Ys. As soon as they reached him, the earth beneath him exploded upwards. Ys' scream was terribly short. In the midst of all the noise, they could hear a small voice say, "Thank you."  
  
When the dust cleared, Hagmore managed to limp over to the crater. He knelt in front of it, staring at the place where the poor catgirl had sacrificed her life. He folded his hands in prayer for her soul, one forced to do such sins, and giving her life for a noble cause. "May you be remembered and find peace," he whispered. With that he stood.  
  
"Hagmore...?" Ari whispered.  
  
"Let's go," he said shortly. But there was no way to hide the tear that escaped from his eye.  
  
  
NEXT: Side-Story #3 


	10. Side Story 3: Rebirth and Death

That was some fun mocking of Lufia II. Okay, so those puzzles weren't THAT bad, but that third one had me at it for a while. Mostly because I fail at puzzles. Brace yourselves, people, this one is long.  
  
Side-Story #3  
  
Catriana stepped off of the boat slowly, a bit unsteady after their long trip over seas. They had set out from the Cadenza port and traveled all the way north to the port town Porting. Aerynne was still on the boat, 'bargaining' with the captain about their price to cross. As she argued with the stubborn man, Cat looked around the harbor a bit. There really wasn't much to see, aside from all the boxes and barrels that harbors always have. She chatted with a few sailors, who gave her some insight as to the local area from a foreigner's eye. Porting was not a very large town, being the only city on a fairly desolate continent, but the people who lived here were strong people who were used to the harsh conditions.  
  
The northernmost continent was made up of a large plateau area, with varying levels of height and depth; the rest was all desert. The area where Porting was built was the only green area, and even that was slight - grass had a hard enough time growing here that little green showed.   
  
And yet, to Cat, it all felt so calming. The desert, the plateau, it all seemed so...right, was the only way she could think of it. It seemed normal for her, the harsh desert and nearly impassable plateaus, just like being in a place you knew well...  
  
Or home.  
  
Catriana wasn't sure if she could say it felt like home - the only home she had known was the orphanage she and the others had grown up in, and even that didn't feel very homely, since they had to work to stay alive. But here, there was a feeling of rightness, of calmness. Serenity. She could almost soak in it, it felt so good. She stood there, letting the soft breeze bring hints of the desolate land that lay ahead and smells to her mind. She closed her eyes, relaxing in the feeling.  
  
"Alright, Cat, let's go, I don't think that the captain wants to be around here to much longer." Aerynne said, coming over. Cat didn't respond, still relaxing. "Cat?"  
  
"Let him leave," she murmured. Aerynne raised an eyebrow. "I doubt we'll be needing him to get back to the castle. We can catch a ride with another ship."  
  
"Whatever you say, but I don't like it." Aerynne sighed and walked back to the ship, a purposeful glare in her eye. Cat leaned against a crate, sighing happily. This place felt good. She looked at the town, built strong and thick to protect against nature, rather than please the eye. For some reason, that also felt good. Safe.   
  
Something fast caught her eye and she lazily followed it as it zipped across the square. It stopped for a moment, and Cat's eyes widened. It was a man, dressed in all blue, his hair almost completely white from age. But his clothes were the same style as Seniana's. That in itself was suspicious, but she also vaguely recalled those from another time. She didn't know when that was, but she recognized that type of clothing. She started to run to the old man, but he suddenly jumped on top of a building and was gone. Cat jumped up to follow, but there was no trace of him. For an old man, he was fast and very skilled.   
  
"Cat!" Catriana glanced over her shoulder. "What are you doing up there? Let's get going! Stop horsing around!" Aerynne had her large halberd slung over her shoulder and had their bags at their feet. Cat gave another quick glance for the old man, but there was still no trace of him. She hopped down and picked up her bag.  
  
"Sorry about that," she said with a cheerful smile. "I was just...getting a look of the town." Aerynne gave her a look that almost seemed sad. Was there something wrong with what she said? Cat couldn't understand.  
  
The moment was forgotten as they entered the center of the town. Chatting happily, they explored the area, talking to the inhabitants and searching for all the shops. After finding the item shop with some difficulty ("I thought ALL item shops had the same symbol on the building," Aerynne grumbled), they stocked up on necessary items, since neither of them could heal with magic.  
  
As they stepped outside the item shop, Cat glanced over and blinked in surprise. The old man in blue was there again, sitting on top of one of the nearby buildings. Cat wasted no time in dropping her belongings and sprinting towards him. Aerynne's voice called after her, but she didn't listen. The old man noticed her immediately and darted across the rooftops. Cat scurried up the walls of a nearby building and gave chase.  
  
The two practically flew across the rooftops, their feet seeming to barely touch the tiles. The old man was in incredible shape for his age. As they ran, the old man gave a flick of his arm and something small shot from his hand. They looked like pebbles for a moment, but then Cat realized that they were explosives. She jumped over them as they exploded, the force of the explosion knocking her off-balance. She managed to catch sight of the old man just as he threw something at her. Cat twisted in midair to avoid a dart, but two more caught her left arm. She shook them off and tried to manage a safe landing. However, a critical failure in her roll to land gracefully (despite the fact that she had a level 18 in gracefulness and balance) resulted in her slamming straight into the roof.   
  
Hoping nothing was sprained or broken, Cat forced herself to stand quickly - only to find that her left arm wasn't moving. At first she was afraid that she had broken it, but there was no pain - it simply felt like it was gone. She could feel it with her other hand, but couldn't feel her hand touching her arm. She realized that the darts must have had some kind of tranquilizer in them.   
  
Cursing her own hindsight, Cat fished into her pouch for any projectile weapon. The old man was drawing more darts - she knew that if any of those struck her now, she would be helpless. She came up with three tack stars and prayed that they would be enough. The old man had three darts in each hand. Things didn't look too good.   
  
He threw one set of darts right at her. Cat judged quickly where they would go and dove to her left to avoid them, simultaneously throwing one star. The old man spun and threw the second set, drawing a third even as he did. Cat twisted to allow herself to hit the roof back first, kicking at the same time to get herself back on her feet. Even as she did so, one of the darts struck her already numb left arm. Still off-balance from her rather excessive move, she threw a second star, which went a bit wide. The old man was still cautious of it and stepped to the side. Even as he did, Cat regained her footing and ran right at the old man, throwing her third star even as she did. The man spun again and threw his third set of darts.  
  
Cat rolled and grabbed the dart lodged in her arm. In a quick, desperate move, she pulled it out and threw in the same movement. The dart struck home right in the man's leg. After only a brief moment, he toppled to the side, unable to support himself. As he tried to stand, Cat drew one sword and pointed it at his throat. "Don't try anything," she said, breathing a bit heavily. There was a tense moment in which the man eyed her and her sword, then raised his hands in defeat. Around then, Aerynne came scrambling up the side of the building, rage in her eyes.   
  
"Damn it, Cat, don't you EVER do that again! I don't care how skilled you are, don't make me worry like that!" She stabbed her halberd into the tiles and began to inspect Cat. "Are you hurt badly? Anything broken?"  
  
"My arm is numbed." Cat gestured to the old man. "Something in his darts."  
  
Aerynne looked at the old man still lying on his back and at Cat's arm. "Neurotoxins, of some sort. Relaxes the muscles to the point where you can't even move them, and puts all the nerves to sleep. Fairly dangerous stuff to be running around with." Aerynne knelt next to the old man. "You have any cure or antidote for this? I'm sure you do, in case of situations like these."  
  
The old man said nothing. He sat quietly, waiting. Aerynne looked at him crossly. "That's not very helpful. Perhaps if I give you a reason to tell me, you will?" She hefted her halberd, but Cat stopped her.   
  
"Don't, Aerynne. He won't tell us if he doesn't want to, and he's expecting death right now. Don't give it to him." Aerynne sighed.  
  
"I suppose so. Damn you and your logic."  
  
Cat knelt in front of the old man. "I need to ask you something. I think you might be able to answer some of my questions. Can you do that for me?"  
  
"What is it you wish for?" he said simply. Cat was a bit taken aback.  
  
"You'd just answer me, like that? No refusal?"   
  
"If your request is not too extreme, I will help as per the honor code. You defeated me in combat...your skills are truly remarkable. No one has ever defeated me in over fifteen years." The old man sat, still waiting.  
  
"Then tell me," Cat pleaded, looking into his eyes. "Why do I feel like I know you? Know the outfit you wear, know this area, know these skills that I never remember learning? Who are you? And who am I?"  
  
The old man looked at her for what seemed to be a long time. Finally, he said, "Everything you wish to know you already know...you just have not yet realized it yet. In time, you will know yourself."   
  
"That's not an answer! What do you mean, I already know?" The old man sat quietly for a moment, then jumped up suddenly. Cat realized that she could feel her arm again - the neurotoxin must have worn off. The old man threw a smoke bomb on the ground in a flash - when it cleared, he was gone without a trace.   
  
Aerynne coughed, waving the smoke away from her. "I don't like that method of escape. Smells horrible." Cat didn't respond; she was still staring at the spot where the old man he last stood. "Cat?" Cat stirred and looked at her sharply. There was something in her eyes that shone brightly now - ambition? Hunger? To know who she was? Aerynne could practically hear Cat's thoughts as they spun through her head.   
  
"Let's go, Aerynne," Cat said briskly, a bit of a smile on her face as she sheathed her sword. "We have a long journey in front of us."  
  
***  
  
Catriana blinked at the glaring sun and looked around suddenly. "What did you say, Aerynne?" she asked, her mind already wandering before she finished the question. Aerynne sighed. There was no way to talk with the girl now, she decided finally. Ever since they had met with and fought that strange old man, Cat had spent most of her time deep in thought  
  
The route the two had taken brought them across the Corbett Lake and into the Wenstrom Plateaus. They were camped out on a ledge overlooking most of the area, watching the sun slowly set. Aerynne sat cross-legged next to the fire, her halberd lying across her legs. The weapon rarely left her side. Cat sat on the other side of the fire, staring into it idly, her eyes far away. The sunset was harsh and very bright, which made making out any details difficult. Fortunately, few creatures came out at this time.   
  
However, the reason for that made Aerynne worry. There had been talk in the town that a dangerous creature prowled the lands at night, killing travelers in their sleep. It wasn't so much that she was worried about the monster - unless it was from a different plane, she had little to worry, and most of such creatures were easily banished by Astarael. What she was worried about was whether or not Catriana would be able to defend herself if they had to fight it. They hadn't had to fight anything yet, for which Aerynne was concerned of. She would rather something attack them to get Cat to realize what danger they might be in.   
  
Aerynne sighed and poked the fire a bit. "Nothing, Cat...just an idle question." She shifted her sitting position to a more comfortable one. "You should get some sleep. We have to cover as much distance as possible tomorrow. I'd rather get out of here as soon as we can."   
  
Cat nodded halfway in agreement, her eyes never leaving the fire. Aerynne let the silence rest for a while, glancing at the sun. "Cat, did you hear me?" There was no response. She wasn't asleep, and from the looks of it, wasn't going to anytime soon. Aerynne cursed slightly. That left one option. "Sorry about this, Cat...Sleep."   
  
The spell washed over Catriana like a balm of healing, relaxing her muscles and easing her mind. Her eyes flicked, trying to stay open, but eventually gave in and closed, bringing her to a soothing sleep. Aerynne spread out a blanket and gently lay her on it, covering her with her cloak. "Sleep well, now. I'll stand watch." With the, the Valkyrie sat herself in a place to be able to keep watch over everything, and waited for the sun to set.  
  
***  
  
Dawn came.  
  
Cat blinked at the piercing sunlight and rubbed her eyes. She realized she had slept through the entire night, without giving Aerynne a chance to sleep. "Oh, shit," she said, looking around, quickly trying to think up an apology for her, though she didn't know what excuse she could have for it.  
  
As Cat looked around, however, she realized that Aerynne was nowhere to be seen. Briefly she wondered if something had happened to her during the night, but there was no sign of a scuffle or even of anything passing by. The only footprints were their own. Cat threw on a spare shirt and began to make a short area search for the Valkyrie. She had gone several yards from the campsite when she realized that she was unarmed. That was odd, since she couldn't remember when the last time was she had gone without some kind of weapon to protect herself with, and here she was, in a strange land, without even a shaving razor to defend herself with.  
  
A sound came from behind her, and Cat immediately whirled, automatically reaching for her swords that weren't there. Aerynne stood a few feet away, her arms crossed lazily. "It's about time you got yourself up and about. I thought you would sleep forever."  
  
Cat lowered her head in shame. "I'm sorry, I didn't even realize it when I went to sleep. You could have woken me up to take the second watch."  
  
"It's not needed," Aerynne said, dismissing the subject with a wave of her hand. "I don't need to sleep anyway. I'm dead, remember? I don't need human requirements anymore."   
  
Cat felt some color rise to her face. It was odd, traveling with someone who didn't require normal human support like food and sleep. Cat wasn't sure how to act around Aerynne because of it. Aerynne seemed to read her thoughts, since she looked at her and laughed. "Oh, don't worry about it. I've grown used to this, so it's not like you can do or say something that will offend me somehow. Besides, we're in this together, so we might as well get used to each other. Okay?"   
  
Cat blinked. "O-okay! Why not? We may as well be friends!" The two shook on it, then both burst into giggles at the strangeness of the whole thing. The rift between them already being filled, they walked back to the campsite, both in much higher spirits. They gathered everything up, buried the fire, and set out again, heading east.  
  
The days were long and the sun beat down almost constantly. The two were saved by the multiple valleys and overhangs that blocked the sun out for even a small amount of time. They had plenty of water, but in this heat Cat had to be cautious, drinking sparingly. Aerynne drank nothing, but still carried several canteens with her.  
  
The plateau were filled with the sound of creatures howling and barking, birds chirping, the wind blowing and rocks occasionally falling from their perches, as well as the constant sound of the gravel under their feet. It was a mindless, dulling march, seeming to be nonstop.   
  
As they walked, Aerynne noticed that there was something wrong with the feel of the place. Cat walked on, barely even paying attention to where she was going, lost in her thoughts. As they walked farther east, the wind died down more and more, until it was a slight breeze. However, there was the feel of uneasiness in the air, and soon the only sounds were that of their footsteps. There was something out there, hunting them.   
  
"Cat," Aerynne called, hoping to warn her, something that should have been completely unneeded, but Aerynne wasn't about to take any chances. Cat didn't respond, just kept walking forward. "Cat," Aerynne called louder, starting to get worried. Still no response. "Cat!" she shouted then, halting in her steps. Cat still kept going. "Catriana! Wake up!"  
  
Cat stirred slightly and glanced behind her. When she saw that Aerynne had stopped, she paused and turned slightly. "Aerynne...? What is it?"  
  
Aerynne crossed her arms and looked at her crossly. "You're what's wrong here. What is wrong with you? Why aren't you paying attention? Do you even realize what's going on around you? The danger we're in?"  
  
"What do you mean," Cat protested weakly. "I've been paying close attention to everything that's been going on. There's nothing to worry about."  
  
At that point, the ground behind Cat shuddered and churned. Behind her two giant claws thrust out of the ground and anchored themselves. Up from the sand rose up a huge insect-like beast - the Antlion. Aerynne froze where she was, staring in shock. From her knowledge, the Antlion had been dead for centuries, slain by Tijuana Tanzor when she was only a baby. Either the beast had been laying low for all these years, or this was its offspring...either way, things didn't look good. If Tijuana had had difficulty defeating it, then they didn't have a chance in hell.  
  
Aerynne then realized Cat wasn't reacting to the monster. "Cat! Move!" How could she not notice it? The thing was enormous! Cat looked at her a bit oddly, almost dismissing the warning. Aerynne swore and dropped her bags, drawing her halberd. However, a failure at doing both at once resulted in her halberd being tangled in the straps of her bags. Aerynne swore and tore it free, even though she knew she shouldn't, but right now saving Cat was more important than her bag straps. Aerynne charged forward.   
  
Cat was looking right at her, but didn't seem to really see her. She glanced around a bit, then looked a bit behind her. She regarded the Antlion without much reaction, just staring at it lazily. The Antlion looked right at her, then raised on giant claw. Aerynne knew that she was never going to make it in time. As the claw descended, time seemed to slow.  
  
Cat was still staring at the Antlion even as the claw neared her. She didn't seem to realize at all how much danger she was in, or the painful death that was nearing her. Suddenly, her eyes seemed to focus, and she blinked in surprise at the beast that reared before her. Her hands instinctively went to her swords, but before she could draw them the Antlion's claw slammed down like a hammer. Aerynne threw up an arm to block the shockwave from the attack.  
  
She looked up to see the claw embedded deep into the earth. "No...Cat! CAT!" Rage and emotion filled Aerynne. She held her halberd before her and chanted quickly. "Barrier!" A protective shield appeared around her. With that in place, Aerynne rushed forward, her halberd poised to strike. She jumped onto the Antlion's arm and thrust deep, trying to remove the arm in its entirety. The Antlion roared and shook it's arm vigorously, but Aerynne held on tightly, refusing to let go. The monster slammed its arm against the ground, the force of that ripping the halberd free and slamming Aerynne against the ground. The Antlion raised its other arm up to deliver the finishing blow.   
  
The claw came down hard on her, the top half of the claw stabbing into her chest, tearing through her barrier and chain mail and pinning her to the ground. The pain Aerynne felt was minimal, but even her abilities were being pushed to the limit to keep herself alive and moving. She kept a tight grip on Astarael, praying that she would have enough power to heal herself and kill the beast. The Antlion raised its claw up high, Aerynne still impaled on it.   
  
Quite unexpectedly, the arm that the claw was attached to simply fell off. Aerynne had almost no time to remove herself from the claw before striking the ground again. The Antlion was so surprised that it just stared at the stump blankly, not even sure what had happened. Huge gashes suddenly rent themselves in the monsters torso area, running up to the head. A huge gash was rent into the side of its face, and one of its eyes suddenly gushed blood as it was bisected. The blood landed on something that was definitely not part of the Antlion, and Aerynne suddenly could see again with her magic-enhanced vision.   
  
It was Cat. The two ninja swords in her hands were making her invisible, and completely immune to the Antlion's attacks. Aerynne could also see a bright glow coming from both weapons - Cat must have paid whatever the price was for the light saber enhancement. Aerynne tried not to think about what that price must have cost her - she had known many such deals to take parts of the human's soul or worse. Aerynne concentrated hard, and cast the most powerful healing spell she could manage in her condition. Her flesh and muscles reformed and regrew.   
  
Painfully, Aerynne stood. Cat continued to dance along the Antlion, tearing it apart with her dual swords. Knowing that she had little chance in this fight using her weapon, she fell back onto magic. "Vigor!" she shouted, casting the spell on Cat. Cat's physical abilities were significantly enhanced, and the Antlion took more damage from each powerful blow. It flailed about helplessly, unable to find Cat or even hit her. "Slow!" The Antlion's movements slowed down, though whether that was the spell or lack of strength, Aerynne didn't know. Whichever was good, since the beast was weakening. Soon, it would be dead-  
  
The thought had barely crossed Aerynne's mind when the Antlion suddenly surged with power. Right before their eyes, it evolved into a bigger version of itself, with eight arms now and a huge teethy mouth: a Desert Kraken. The slow spell shattered off it and it batted Cat out of the air. Cat came up quickly only to be knocked back down again by another arm. A third came down on her to crush her, but Aerynne impaled it on her halberd. The Kraken retreated its arms for a moment, giving Cat the time to stand.  
  
"Give me some kind of distraction!" Cat yelled at her, not taking her eyes off the beast. Aerynne thought quickly and chanted another spell.   
  
"Illusion!" she shouted, and several versions of her appeared and rushed at the Kraken. It ignored them completely, staying focused on the two. "Damn! It can see right through illusions."  
  
Cat swore. "What do we do then?" she asked, tightening her grip on her swords.   
  
"Have to just use the real thing then!" Aerynne shouted, rushing in. The Kraken's arms surged around her. "Freeze Barrier!" she cried, creating a shield of ice around her. The many arms struck repeatedly, but each time they did so, they also took damage. Aerynne kept her guard up, blocking as best as she could.   
  
Cat rushed in and ran up along one of the arms. Another arm shot at her, but she cut it off and kept going. She leapt up high and brought her swords over her head. "Flight Skill! Falling Albatross!" Her swords shone brightly with the combined power of Darkness and Holy. She plummeted down, straight towards the Kraken's mouth, seeming to have wings. The blades tore through the Kraken, rending flesh from bone and cutting the whole thing in two. It shuddered loudly, then lay still forever.  
  
Cat rose to her feet somewhat unsteadily. She had used a lot of strength up in that fight, and prayed that they wouldn't have another one any time soon. She turned and gave a thumbs up to Aerynne, who was leaning on her halberd for support. "I think we won," she said a bit hesitantly. Aerynne smiled.  
  
"Though not without a bit of worry there. I thought you were dead for sure." Cat looked away, a bit ashamed.  
  
"I'm sorry...I don't know what was wrong with me. I wasn't thinking straight, I guess." She sheathed her swords slowly. "Maybe the rest of the trip will go a bit smoother." The words were hardly out of her mouth when Aerynne suddenly collapsed. Cat gasped and rushed over, kneeling next to her. "Aerynne? What's wrong?" When Aerynne didn't respond, she asked again, starting to get a bit afraid. Cat dug into her pouch and pulled out a potion, which she sprinkled on her. Aerynne stirred slightly.  
  
"Sorry..." she whispered, grinning painfully. "I used too much power...and I have nothing to feed on out here...just my luck, as always." Cat looked confused and worried at the same time.  
  
"What do you mean, feed? I thought you said you don't need to eat..." Aerynne laughed slightly.  
  
"Not in the way humans feed...I need souls to live...souls of the dead, of warriors, of emotions to keep myself still in this plane." Aerynne winced painfully as she tried to move. "Out here, there's nothing but the still violent soul of the Kraken...hardly a meal I can deal with right now."  
  
Cat was silent, thinking hard. "Aerynne," she said slowly. "Could you use my soul?"  
  
"Not on your life," Aerynne said immediately. "You already paid a price for those sabers, I won't have you paying another."  
  
Cat looked a bit abashed. "Um...I forgot to tell you...the price is five thousand GP."  
  
Aerynne stared at her, wide-eyed. "What?"  
  
"The price...is just that. It's money." Cat looked almost ashamed. "I didn't want to say anything, because it seemed so stupid at the time...sorry about that."   
  
Aerynne just sat there, staring at her. Then she laughed. "I can't believe it...and here I thought you were paying with your soul. I guess demons are getting more modern these days." Her laughter turned to a violent cough that doubled her over. Cat put her hands on her shoulders, trying to steady her.   
  
"Aerynne," she said again. "Can you use my soul? Can you feed off me?" Aerynne took a moment to compose herself, not looking at Cat.  
  
"Your soul still exists within your body, so there's no way I could gain strength from it." Aerynne paused. "However, I can still draw off your will to keep myself alive for a while. It will cost you your own strength, however."  
  
"If I can keep you alive long enough to find something, that doesn't matter. What do I have to do?" Aerynne was a bit taken aback by Cat's determination, but she knew that this was the only was she was going to live.   
  
"Open your mind to me...I need to establish a link between us to do this." Cat closed her eyes and relaxed. Aerynne reached a visibly shaking hand to touch Cat's temple, her thumb running along her forehead. She traced an ayin on her forehead, and the Hebrew symbol shone brightly for a moment before vanishing to the naked eye. To Aerynne, it still shone, but much dimmer than before. "There...that should do it."   
  
Somewhat painfully, Aerynne stood with help from Cat. She could already feel strength returning to her. Cat looked a bit dazed, and was likely feeling the effects of the spiritual connection to her. "Don't worry about it - you'll get used to it soon enough. Let's go, before we both run out of strength."  
  
***  
  
Cat pulled her veil tighter around her face and squinted into the distance. They had been trekking across the desert when a sandstorm had picked up around them - as time passed, it had only gotten worse. The wind howled around them, making conversation impossible, and no matter how tightly they tied the veils around their faces, the wind still found a way to loosen them. If they didn't pay close attention for even a moment, the wind could tear the veil off, leaving them unprotected and very vulnerable.   
  
Cat glanced back at Aerynne. The Valkyrie was struggling to keep up with Cat, and Cat could feel her strength slowly depleting along with her own. Aerynne would pause occasionally, resting on her halberd, then would pick up again, moving in short, rapid bursts. Cat knew that it wasn't helping anything, but she didn't know what else she could do.   
  
"Aerynne!" she shouted, stepping closer so she could hear. "Do you know if there's any shelter around here?"   
  
"What?" Aerynne shouted back weakly. Even her voice was weak right now.  
  
"Shelter!" Cat shouted again, making some kind of gesture to represent what she meant. "Is there any nearby?"  
  
"I don't know!" Aerynne shouted back. "I don't know this area very well!"  
  
Cat swore. There was nothing they could work off of. She wracked her memory, trying to think if she knew this part of the world at all, thinking hard. She knew, deep down, that there was something about this place that brought back memories...but she couldn't think of what they were.   
  
The wind picked up violently for a moment, and Cat's veil was torn from her face. She made a desperate grab for it and felt it slip from between her fingers. Quickly, she threw up an arm to shield her face from the harsh wind and went down on one knee. She turned away from the wind and tore off part of her sleeve, quickly wrapping it around her face. This wasn't the first time that had happened - her sleeves were tattered now from how many times she had been forced to make a new veil.   
  
Aerynne coughed and leaned on her halberd again. "Cat, I don't know how well I'm going to fair against this weather...nature is working against us today."  
  
"We have to keep going!" Cat shouted, standing again. "C'mon, lean on my shoulder. We'll make it through this." Cat put Aerynne's arm over her shoulder and helped her along, supporting her with her own failing strength.  
  
However long they walked, neither knew. The wind beat at them, the biting sands stinging every step of the way. Slowly, they plodded along, both fighting to keep going. Eventually, the sandstorm lessened, the wind slowly dying down. Cat finally allowed herself a moment to breathe normally, relaxing for just a moment-  
  
And then everything went to hell again. The sands burst upwards, something huge coming out from right in front of them. When the sand cleared, they saw a large black mecha standing before them. It stood around three times their height, roughly humanoid, and two machine guns on it's shoulders pointed straight at them.   
  
"What...is that...?" Aerynne asked weakly.  
  
"The Gun-MSG..." Cat responded quietly, trying not to look threatening. Aerynne rolled her head up to look at her.  
  
"The what...?" she whispered, her voice barely able to make sound.  
  
"Gun-MSG...the Giant Ninja Mecha Soldier Guard." Cat tried to keep herself relaxed, but it was hard not to, with two large machine guns pointed right at her. "It's a mechanized patrol guard. This isn't something we want to have to deal with now..."  
  
"Too...late for...that..." Aerynne whispered. Before Cat could respond with a query, Aerynne pushed her away and let herself fall to the ground limply. No sooner had she done so than the Gun-MSG opened fire on the spot where they had been.   
  
"This isn't what I wanted to have happen," Cat moaned as she took off into a limping sprint. She wasn't in any shape to fight, especially not this thing. She drew her swords and vanished, even though she knew the mecha could still see her. "Blitz!" she shouted, a bolt of lightning striking the mecha. It hardly did any damage - she was far too weak right now to cast any powerful magic.   
  
"Shock Barrier," came the weak cry. Cat was surrounded with a barrier of lightning, thanks to Aerynne's support skills. She whispered a silent thank you and ran right towards the Gun-MSG. Thanks to the barrier, the bullets were ineffective; seeing this, the mecha stopped firing and took a stance, a blade coming out of each arm. It charged, bringing one arm back.  
  
"Dual Skill - Heaven Above, Hell Below!" Cat made three rapid swings straight on towards the mecha, removing one arm and tearing open it's core. The Gun-MSG thrust it's other arm at her, but Cat was no longer there, now high up in the air, both swords poised. With a scream, Cat came down on the mecha, stabbing both blades into its head and tearing down. The Gun-MSG fell apart, unable to withstand the blow or the shockwave that followed.  
  
Even with the victory, the strain was too much - Cat fell to her knees, drained of every last bit of strength she had. It took every bit of her energy just to keep her on her knees, though she didn't know what doing so would accomplish now.  
  
"I guess...this is it..." she whispered. "Everyone...I'm sorry..." She closed her eyes, letting her last memories soak up before she fell. "I couldn't keep my last promise to you..." With that, Cat let herself fall limply.  
  
She felt herself falling into oblivion, and for a while, it wasn't so bad. The pain slowly left her, replaced by a soothing glow that clamed her fears and kept her still. She wanted so much to just loose herself in that glow, letting it wash over her and let her sink quietly into eternal sleep-  
  
And with a jolt, she came back.   
  
Her first attempt to breathe sent shooting pains through her chest, and she coughed violently. Strong arms held her, and when she regained control of herself she looked to see whom they belonged to.  
  
A man was supporting her, clothed in all sandy brown with his face hidden by a mask of the same color. A sword peeked over his shoulder, and he held a water canteen in one hand, which he offered to her. She drank from it greedily, nearly drowning herself in the water. Cat allowed herself to breath a bit easier and looked around. There were several people here, all dressed like the man: full brown that blended in with the sands around them, with faces covered. Not all bore swords, and some had weapons hidden on them so well Cat couldn't begin to understand how they were hidden. They were ninja.  
  
Cat felt a surge of relief when she realized this. If there was anyone who they would be safe with, the ninja were the ones to hide them. Relief turned to confusion almost immediately - she couldn't understand how she knew of this. Unsure of herself suddenly, she watched as two ninja knelt next to Aerynne's still body. One traced a symbol in the air with two fingers, and a yellow glow emerged from his fingertips. He pressed his fingers to Aerynne's forehead, and the glow encompassed her entire body. When the glow faded, Aerynne gave a soft moan, and Cat could feel like returning to her.   
  
Relieved, Cat turned to the man who still knelt near her. "Th-thank you, for your help." She wasn't quite sure what she should say. "Um...I'm really sorry about what I did to your mecha...I didn't really want to break it, but..."  
  
"There's no need to apologize," the man said in a deep voice. "The fact that you could even defeat the Gun-MSG is worthy of praise. In all my years here, not a single warrior, alone or accompanied, was ever able to defeat it." He bowed respectfully. "You are truly a warrior with great skill." The others were also bowing. Cat was a bit embarrassed by the praise.  
  
"Oh, well, um, please, you're flattering me," Cat forced a laugh. "Really, I was so weak from the long walk I didn't think there was any way that we would have a chance to beat it. I mean," Cat looked to Aerynne, who still lay on her back, for support. "C'mon, Aerynne, how long were we walking for, anyway?"  
  
"Since we beat the Kraken, it's been three days and seventeen hours," Aerynne said in a monotonous voice.   
  
"And yet, even still you were able to defeat our greatest guardian?" The man took a step back, then went down on one knee. "I misjudged you...your skill is beyond even our wide understanding."  
  
"Jeez, cut it out!" Cat moaned. "More importantly, can you provide us with some food and shelter? We're both worn out..."  
  
"Certainly. Asaki! Raiun!" Two of the ninjas appeared at his side. "Go ahead and tell the others we are returning with guests. Tell them to prepare rooms and a meal."  
  
"Ha!" both said simultaneously, then vanished as they darted off into the distance. The man turned back to them and bowed again.  
  
"Forgive me, I have yet to introduce myself. My name is Hiro. This is Hitai, my second in command, Eisaburou, our communicator, Daisuke, our healer, and Butou, a warrior. Asaki and Raiun are our scouts." They all bowed as he introduced them. Cat nodded to each one, a bit lost at the moment. After a moment of silence, she realized that she had to introduce themselves.  
  
"Oh, um, this is Aerynne, a Valkyrie, and my name is Catriana. You can call me Cat, though." For some reason, her name caused a stir among the ninjas. They all exchanged sideways glances, and some kind of exchange took place between Hiro and Eisaburou. Whatever it was, Cat wasn't about to find out right now, because he was bowing again.  
  
"Will you follow us, then, Lady Catriana, Lady Aerynne? We will be expected soon." Without even waiting for a reply, he turned and began to jog off, Hitai and Butou right behind him. Daisuke offered a small hand to Aerynne, and Eisaburou watched them with careful eyes.   
  
"Don't worry, it's not far from here," Daisuke said in a light voice that had an aura of calming to it. "There's no demons or such in this area, so you'll be quite safe. Not like you wouldn't be anyway, but this place is sometimes crawling with monsters, and we haven't had a cleaning in quite a long time now. Best for you to hurry." Daisuke turned and peered at Cat. "I can heal your physical wounds, but there's nothing to be done about mental strength. Only rest can restore that. Come, now, let's go." With that, he took up a light jog, motioning them to follow. Cat took up a stiff jog, her muscles still stiff and sore from the long hours of walking. Aerynne seemed to be doing fine, but her head was down and she seemed empty to Cat through the link they now shared.   
  
It really wasn't a long run to where they were going. In just a few minutes, it loomed up in front of them - an enormous black castle, sitting in the middle of the desert, it's towers and walls gleaming in the sunlight.  
  
"The Data Haven," Hiro said, appearing at their sides. "The home of our Ninja clan for hundreds of years. This is where we watch the world in secret."  
  
Daisuke stepped before them and bowed eloquently. "Won't you please be our guests?" he said as Hitai and Butou pushed the gates open wide.  
  
Cat walked in slowly, looking around in awe. It was like stepping into a dream, the entire compound a huge open area surrounded by thick towers that reached to the skies. People walked about almost carelessly, some dressed in the ninja outfit, but in varying colors, and some dressed in casual clothes, but each one was, without a doubt, a ninja. Cat stared in dazed amazement, unsure as to what to do or say.  
  
Cat was saved when Aerynne, who had been leaning on her shoulder, suddenly collapsed. Cat was at her side instantly, trying to get her back on her feet. "Aerynne! We need to get you to a doctor or something, quick! Hiro-" She had only begun to turn when three new ninja were at her side, gently lifting Aerynne onto a stretcher and silently carrying her off, leaving Cat very alone in the vast courtyard. She knelt where Aerynne had fallen, still a bit surprised, before coming to her senses and standing.   
  
As she looked around, she noted that people were having an odd reaction to her. It was different from the fact that she was a stranger - people would exchange looks over her, or quickly whisper a message to a friend nearby when they saw her. She turned to see Hitai standing a few feet away, his arms behind his back. "I have been asked to lead you to the throne room. Please, follow me if you will." With that, he turned and walked towards one of the larger buildings. Cat followed, still a bit overwhelmed.  
  
After leading her through a series of hallways, Hitai pushed open one last door and motioned her in. Inside, the enormous room was fairly empty, save for a large throne that stood empty. In front of the throne stood several ninja, each one clothed in a different color for a total of ten. It seemed that every sect of the ninja clan was represented here. As she entered, each ninja respectfully removed their mask. Of them, there were three women and seven males.  
  
The man in sandy brown stepped forward from the semicircle and spoke to the others. "My friends and comrades, I have gathered you together to witness what may be a miracle for us." It took a moment for Cat to recognize the man's voice as Hiro's. He was surprisingly handsome. "I have reason to believe this girl is one of the two we have been searching for for all these years."  
  
This caused a stir among the others. "You can't mean...one of the Princesses?" one exclaimed loudly.  
  
"I mean just that." Hiro said. "Though she herself may not even know it. She has not expressed any remembrance, but I have no doubt that she is one of our missing Princesses." Hiro turned to face Cat. "Forgive me for being so bold, but there have been far too many signs of this. Your very coming here was the most prominent one. Your victory over the Gun-MSG. The traces of many secret or forbidden skills on you. Do you know of your past, Lady Catriana?"  
  
Cat stared a bit blankly. After all those days of walking, all that horrid fighting, and now this - what was going on? "I...don't really know what you mean, I mean...this is all..."  
  
"Lady Catriana?" Cat turned to see an elderly woman, supported by a much younger ninja, enter the room. She hurried over to Cat and grabbed her hands, inspecting them. "You ARE Catriana! Thank the gods you're alive! When we never heard from Gilgamesh, we all feared the worst, but now...!"  
  
"You...you know Uncle Gilgamesh...?" Cat whispered, almost going into shock.  
  
"Of course I did. I was his assistant as one of your caretakers. But during the attack, the Queen feared for your lives, and sent him and Enkidu out with you two to try and spare you."  
  
Cat, unable to take all of this in her state, slid to her knees in a daze. Everyone rushed around her, all with concern on their faces. "Princess! Are you alright?"  
  
"Please..." Cat whispered, tears coming to her eyes. "Please, tell me! Everything about my life! I've never known anything beyond what I could guess...please, tell me about my life!" Her tears were flowing freely now, but Cat barely noticed them.   
  
"Let us retire to a more suitable room for this," the ninja in blue said calmly. There was a general agreement, and in a few moments they were in a room with several couches and chairs. Servants and maids went around offering tea as the whole story was told to Cat.  
  
"You are Princess Catriana, one of the Princesses of this clan. You were taken from us when we were attacked by a demon army many years ago. The Queen Camille ordered Gilgamesh and Enkidu, your personal servants and bodyguards, to take you as far from the castle as possible. Gilgamesh must have made it. Your twin sister, Seniana, has not reported to us either, so we feared that you both had been lost. It is clear from your equipment and bearing that Gilgamesh passed his warrior soul on to you when he died. You know many skills and techniques that you never learned from someone, correct? That is from the warrior souls passed on for many generations."  
  
Cat sat quietly, staring at her cup. "Uncle Gilgamesh was...my guardian?"  
  
"Correct," the ninja in red, Kaidou, said. "Gilgamesh's clan has always had their strongest warriors as the Royal family's personal guard, and the strongest of them was the personal guard of the sons and daughters of the King and Queen."  
  
"The personal guard...so, he wasn't my uncle at all...?" Cat felt empty from the news - Gilgamesh had been her only family she knew, and now to find he wasn't even related to her... "Then, what about the rest of my family? My mother and father...?"  
  
Kaidou shook his head sadly. "Your father passed away not too long after you were born from an illness. Your mother...died defending you two when the demons came."  
  
"Mother...died..." Cat whispered. "Defending...us? Wait, what do you mean, 'us'?  
  
"You and your twin," Hiro said calmly. "Your twin sister, Seniana...don't you remember her?"  
  
Cat's cup slipped from her fingers at the mention of Seniana's name. "Sen...Seniana...is my sister...?"  
  
"You know her? Do you know where she is?" Kaidou asked earnestly. The others all leaned closer, their faces intent.   
  
"Sen...no, I can't believe it. It can't be! If she's my sister, then why..." A single tear escaped from Cat's eye. This tear opened the path, and more followed as Cat stared in disbelief at the floor. "If she's my sister, then why doesn't she recognize me?! Why did she try to kill me?!" Overcome with grief Cat ran from the room, blinded by her tears. She could hear the shouts of the others following her, but she refused to listen. It was all too much for her to bear right now...  
  
When Cat's grief had run its course, she found herself outside the castle, near a cliff that overlooked the ocean. It had started raining at some point, and Cat was beginning to get soaked, but she barely noticed. She unsteadily walked to the edge of the cliff to look out at the raging waters. The sun had already set, but you could barely tell through the think storm clouds. Cat stood on the edge of the cliff, letting the rain pour down on her, trying to wash away her sadness.  
  
"Sen...why don't you remember me either? I forgot you, and you forgot me...and now we're enemies. Why did this happen?" Cat felt her knees beginning to weaken - she had been on her feet so long without any rest that her last bit of strength was leaving her. As she slipped from the cliff edge to fall to the raging seas below, she whispered, "Maybe now I can be with mom and dad..."  
  
***  
  
Cat felt extremely sore as she tried to open her eyes. The dim candle that burned next to her was searing to her eyes, and she winced as she saw it. She tried to raise a hand to block the light, but her arm was so sore she couldn't move it.  
  
"Don't try to move, please," said a soft voice. It sounded vaguely familiar, but she couldn't put a name to it. "You've pushed your body far beyond its limits, and it will take a while for it to heal. Even with my powers, you will likely be bed-ridden for a few more days."  
  
Cat tried to speak, but her voice wouldn't work right at first, and all that came out was a whisper. She swallowed painfully and tried again. "Who...?" was all she could manage at the time.  
  
"Ah, forgive me. My name is Hikarida. You've never met me, but you have met my son Daisuke. Our healing skills run I our family, but he still wanted to be on Hiro's team instead of here, in the infirmary. Well, I suppose I can't hold him against his wishes, can I?" There was a chuckle, and the sound of movement. The door opened silently and another person entered the room.  
  
"How is she?" came a deeper voice.  
  
"She's regained consciousness, but it will be a while before she's on her feet yet."  
  
"I see. Thank you, Hikarida. May I speak with her?"  
  
"She can barely speak right now...but then, you don't need words, do you? Go ahead, just don't push her mind too hard."  
  
"I know." Someone walked over to where Cat lay and a chair was pulled over. There was a moment where the person sat, and then silence for bit. Cat was going to try to ask who was there when she heard someone say, Can you hear me?  
  
Cat was nearly jolted from her sleeping position. "What...who...?"  
  
No, don't speak. Use your mind. I'm speaking to you telepathically. Cat managed to control herself and tried to form the words in her mind.  
  
Who are you? She asked.  
  
Eisaburou, from Hiro's squad. I'm a telepath, as you can see.  
  
What happened to me? I remember I was talking with the others...then I ran...and there was a cliff...  
  
We found you washed up on the shore after the storm passed. From what I could gain from your memories, you lost all your strength and fell into the ocean. The shock from everything you learned that day must have also been overwhelming.   
  
Cat didn't say anything to that. Her thoughts wandered to Seniana, and the grief of those memories brought tears to her eyes. She felt a rough hand wipe them away.  
  
Don't cry, Princess...I know it must be hard for you. But there are always reasons for everything, no matter how bad they may seem. I know you will find a way to bring our princess, your sister, back to us, they way she used to be.  
  
Cat forced a weak smile to Eisaburou. "Thank you..." she whispered as she fell back into a dreamless sleep. Eisaburou sat by her bed for a few minutes just looking at her face, his hands folded. He then stood and left the room silently, closing the door without a sound.  
  
***  
  
Cat was bed-ridden for several days, but she quickly regained her lost strength. Each day, she would try to get onto her feet, and each day she would get a little bit closer before her legs gave out beneath her. Hikarida seemed to always be there, keeping her physical strains at a minimum and always testing her strength. When she could finally stand on her own, it was like being reborn again, with Hikarida as her father, helping her learn to walk.   
  
When Cat was walking without much trouble, Hiro came to give her small tours of parts of the castle. He showed her the different areas of the castle, letting her get reacquainted with her home. Everywhere she went, she was treated with respect and kindness, and it was obvious that everyone was glad to have her home.  
  
A few days after her recovery, Cat allowed herself a moment to really relax and took a warm bath. It felt good to get all the grime and sand that had accumulated over time. As she washed, she felt the presence of someone nearby. She reached over to her robe that Hikarida had provided and silently drew a throwing knife.  
  
From behind the divider near her bath came an arm that waved calmly. "Don't mind me, princess," came Daisuke's voice, "I'm not here to spy on you. There are just some people who would probably like to, even against their better judgement, so I'm here to make sure they don't."  
  
"Daisuke..." she said, relaxing. "Thank you. That's reassuring." She replaced the knife and sank back into the warm water. There was a moment of silence, then Cat spoke up. "Hey, Daisuke?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Why...did you want to join Hiro's squad instead of following your family profession? I mean, I can see why it's useful for you to be on the field, but..."  
  
"But it doesn't make sense. Why not make your power available for everyone instead of just a few?" Daisuke finished her sentence calmly. "I've been asked that many times. A long time ago, I had a good friend who was a part of Hiro's squad. One day, they went out, and he never returned...he had died of wounds from the Antlion while they were bringing him back. It had snuck up on them, and he had just been the unlucky one." Daisuke took a long breath. "I know it doesn't make sense. But I just didn't want his death to be an accident that was written off. I wanted to keep him alive, somehow, in my heart. So I joined with Hiro to make sure that things like that didn't happen again. I know that some people think I should be put back into the infirmary, but Hiro understands me, at least. Besides, my younger sister is developing her own healing powers, so there's no real need for me to be there as well." Daisuke gave a soft laugh.   
  
"And your friend...do you think he would have wanted you to do this?" Cat asked softly. Cat could see Daisuke shake his head.  
  
"I don't know. Maybe he would have wanted me to stay where I was. I don't pretend to know the wishes of the dead. But this is what I want to do to remember him, so this is what I will do."  
  
"Daisuke..." Cat murmured. "You really are such a nice person. It's too bad that you're put in such a battle-filled life."  
  
"Battle is our nature. We don't try to hide it. But sometimes, even the best of us are overwhelmed from loss."  
  
"Overwhelmed from loss, huh...?" As Cat whispered his words, she looked out into the courtyard. The moon was shining down on it, and Cat could see a part of the castle she had never seen before. It was a garden, of all things, with rows upon rows of flowers and plants growing in abundance. "Beautiful...Daisuke, who's garden is that?"  
  
"The Queen's old garden...we've tended to it ever since she died, but we can't seem to make things grow quite well." Even as he spoke, Cat saw something unnatural happen. Right before her eyes, a figure materialized in the middle of the garden. It was of a woman, dressed in a long robe, with long hair. Cat stared in amazement - the woman was obviously a ghost, but it was still a shock to see her appear so suddenly. Cat could hear the faint sounds of weeping. "Daisuke...did you know that garden is haunted?"  
  
Daisuke sighed. "Everyone knows...the Queen has haunted her garden ever since her death. Camille feels she could have done more to save you two, but no matter what we try, she won't go to her rest."  
  
"The Queen...you mean, that's mother?" Cat whispered. Almost instinctively she reached out through the window to the figure below. "Mother...mother, it's me! It's Cat! I've come home, see? And Sen...she's alive, too! I'll make sure she comes home, too...so please, go to sleep. I don't want to see you suffer!"  
  
Her words echoed through the garden, but they didn't reach the ghost below. The ghost continued to weep, her sobs cutting straight to the heart. Cat felt an overwhelming pity for her, and stood to go down to her when a biting cold wind reminded her that she wasn't wearing anything. She automatically dropped down back into the warm water, shivering from the unnatural cold.   
  
Then the sound of a bell rang.  
  
Cat peered out the window again to see what was happening. There was another figure walking through the garden. It was Aerynne, her halberd over her shoulders, her back to Cat. Cat was going to call out to her when she saw that Aerynne, like her mother, was becoming transparent. Cat couldn't understand what was happening, and could only watch in amazement.   
  
Aerynne walked up to the weeping ghost of the Queen, stopping a few feet away. "Why do you still weep?" she asked coldly. The Queen turned to face her, her ghostly face ragged and full of pain.  
  
"Because I wasn't able to save them. My children...I left them to die. My life was given for nothing! And now my poor children have no future..." With that, she fell into weeping again, her cries echoing through the desert. Aerynne watched her calmly, not moving. Then she spoke.  
  
"Do you really believe that?"  
  
Camille paused in her sobs to stare at Aerynne. "Do you really believe that your sacrifice was for nothing? Had you done nothing, your children would have died in fear, without any knowledge of why. And why do you believe they are dead? If they had died, would their first thought not have been to return to you? To their own mother for comfort in their death that they were not ready for?" Aerynne closed her eyes. "Your daughters are alive, Queen Camille. One of them has even returned home after so long, and the other...will not be far behind. So go to your rest in Valhalla, or whatever you like to call your afterlife. I will take care of them."  
  
"They're...alive...?" Tears escaped from Camille's eyes, but they were from joy. "My little angels are alive...you mean, they survived?"  
  
In response, Aerynne reached out a hand and placed it inside the ghost. There was a long pause, and after a few minutes, Aerynne removed her hand. "I see...that's what happened, then..." Camille smiled. "Thank you...please tell Cat not to give up, and to bring her sister home..." With that, the ghost faded away until it was nothing more that a small ball of spirit. Aerynne took the spirit with one hand and pressed it against her heart, absorbing the spirit into her body. Cat could suddenly feel the presence of Aerynne through their link, now that her strength was returning. And with the soul of the Queen put to rest, Aerynne walked from the garden, another soul resting inside her.  
  
***  
  
"Hiro, me and Aerynne need to join the rest of our friends. We promised them we'd be back in two weeks, and those two weeks are up. There's no way we can make it back to them in time as it is, so we can't stay here any longer." Cat sighed. "They're going to be worried sick about us. They have no idea where we went to, so they couldn't even search for us if they tried to."  
  
"There's no need for worry, Princess," Hiro said. "We have eyes everywhere in the world. And those eyes need to get to the rest of the world somehow, don't they?"  
  
"So how do the ninjas travel about the world?" Aerynne asked. "Even the gods are curious as to how you people do it."  
  
"Well, it's all a matter of careful planning and some help from some friends. Come, follow me." Hiro led them to the basement of the castle to a large sealed door. He pressed his hand against the door and it began to glow. After a moment, the door swung open to show a large room with a glowing apparition in the middle on a dais.   
  
"What is this...?" Cat asked wondrously.  
  
"This is a rayth, different from the wraiths you know. It comes from a different plane of existence, so there is no power on this world that can harm it - but at the same time, it cannot harm us. It uses a special kind of magic that allows us to travel through space instantaneously."  
  
"Higher planer magic..." Aerynne murmured, rubbing her chin. "It's no wonder the gods had no idea how you did it. They can't even see this kind of being, much less detect its power. I can only see it because I'm partially human." She turned to Hiro. "How do you control this thing, then? If you can't even touch each other, why should it obey you?"  
  
"It's not so much that it obeys us...more, we obey it. It simply allows us usage of it's powers for our services to it."  
  
"And those services would be?" Aerynne asked, narrowing her eyes.  
  
Hiro smiled to her. "Well, if I told you, that would spoil the mystery wouldn't it? Rest assured, Valkyrie, it is nothing that would anger the gods you serve if they knew. But let us hurry." Hiro pulled out a small amulet and handed it to Cat. "If you need to contact us, just use this. This will connect you to Eisaburou's mind. He will be able to track you with it as well. Good luck, Princess."  
  
As Hiro turned and began to speak with the rayth in a bizarre tongue, Cat turned to Aerynne. "It looks like things went a little sloppily," she said bashfully. Aerynne shrugged.  
  
"Not everything goes as planned. But you found your home, at least. Isn't that enough for you?"  
  
Cat sighed and looked back to the stairs up. "I would have liked to speak with mother...but she's already dead. I can barely remember her, even after seeing her."  
  
"Then you should treasure those memories of her the most." Aerynne leaned on Astarael. "She cherishes her memories of you two the most. So you should do your best to fulfill her last wish."  
  
Cat gazed up. "Yeah...don't worry, mom. I'll bring Sen back here. No matter what it takes." The rayth was glowing brightly, and Hiro now stood in the doorway. "No matter what..." The light became blinding, and Cat felt herself taken away by the planer power.  
  
The Plot Continues in Part 12...but we have one more story. 


	11. Side Story 4: Heaven and Hell

'Twas many games: Valkyrie Profile, Secret of Mana, many Blade of the Immortal references, Ninja Gaiden (okay, so that's not an RPG. Big deal.). And now, comes the last side story! Brace yourselves!  
  
Side-Story #4  
  
"Alexander, there are many things in the world I can tolerate. I can tolerate torture, can deal with nails on a chalkboard, can stand up to the raging sea, and will gladly fight off an entire army." I crossed my arms over my chest. "However, there is one thing I cannot tolerate...and that is when people BARK LIKE A SEAL!"   
  
Alexander turned his head to look at me. "But it IS a seal. Why shouldn't I talk to it in it's own language?"  
  
"Because the sound a seal makes is aggravating. Now stop talking to it. Besides, at this rate, the sailors will throw us off the boat from your actions."  
  
"All I did was talk to a seal." Alexander said defensively.   
  
"And whales. And dolphins. And summon a flock of birds for fun. And glow." I leaned against the mainmast, sighing. "Why can't you travel like a normal person? Do you need to have bizarre things always happen around you?"  
  
"Hmm..." Alexander thought for a moment. "Yep!" he said cheerily. I buried my face in my hand with a sigh.  
  
"Why did I get stuck with you...? Moreover, why do I ALWAYS get stuck with you?" I sighed once again. "Why is my life nothing more than some big joke someone plays on me?" I waited for a response - even a 'huh? What'd you say?' would have been good. Instead, there was nothing but the sound of waves. And then more barking like a seal.  
  
Straightening, I walked over to the side of the ship and gazed out at the ocean. We had taken a boat from Cadenza and headed west, across to the continent Galadus. It would have been faster if Alexander and I had used out powers to get there, but he said it would be 'more fun if we went the old-fashioned way'. More fun, my ass.   
  
It was the last day of our journey, and land had been sighted about an hour ago. The port city was in view, and the passengers were all coming on deck to see the city. Alberta was a very white city, all the buildings built from that white stone that I don't remember the name of, and the streets paved the same way. Despite it's location, it was the center for merchant activities, always bustling with people and ships.   
  
It was also filled with the smell of exposition. I could practically FEEL the dark clouds forming above us. Something didn't want us here, that was for sure. And it's only been 1 page since we appeared.   
  
A small waterspout appeared a few meters from the edge of the ship. It was definitely an odd thing, especially since there were no heavy winds brewing. In just a few moments, the waterspout transformed into a water dragon, rearing to loom over the ship. I watched it with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"What kind of a greeting is this? This standard for newbies or something?" I asked aloud. Judging by the fear that other people were showing, it definitely wasn't normal. Which was good, because I was very bored, and very much wanting to make use of my returning powers.   
  
"My guess would be that someone doesn't want us to come here," Alexander said, coming to stand next to me.   
  
"Like we couldn't already tell..." I muttered, exasperated. "Well, since it's in our job descriptions, let's take of it before it does any damage." I hopped onto the railing and raised a hand.   
  
"Dark Mastery, Exodus!" A wave of black flame burst forth from my body, tearing apart my sleeve as it ripped through my arm and erupted forth. The flame struck the water dragon and exploded, creating a large cloud of steam. I winced and clutched my arm tenderly. "Still too weak to control that...well, better knowing it now than in a worse situation."  
  
"You should be a bit more careful with your power, Heath," Alexander said calmly, tuning a guitar he had found somewhere. "You're going to get yourself killed at this rate."  
  
"I don't see you helping," I retorted angrily. Alexander shrugged and kept tuning. "There's something terribly wrong with this picture," I muttered to myself as I turned back. "I'm the Lord of Darkness. I'm supposed to represent people's nightmares. I'm supposed to be the guy controlling creatures like this. So why am I the one protecting the people? Why isn't the ANGEL doing it? It IS his DUTY, after all." Alexander twitched at each accented word.  
  
"Fine, fine, I'll help." Alexander stood up, leaning the guitar against a wall. He crossed his arms over his chest, and his hands began to glow bright yellow. His wings appeared and he floated high up, his eyes closed. The amount of power he was using right now was overwhelming, and perhaps a bit too much...  
  
"Heaven's Wrath!" he shouted, swinging his arms wide out, then down. A wave of holy power came down from above and crushed the dragon, spraying water everywhere. Alexander came back down to alight on the railing, letting the spray cool his face in the sun. He turned to me and smiled brightly. "How was that?"  
  
I glared back at him, soaking wet. "Wasn't that a bit much...?" I muttered to him.  
  
"Not at all," he said calmly. No sooner had he finished then there was a rumbling in the waters and the water dragon reformed.   
  
"Hoh, it's a curse, not a summon. How original." Power flared up in my usable hand. "Too bad it's considered a dark spell." I pointed my hand at the beast. "Fallen Flames! Dark Absorption!" In mere moments, the power supporting the spell was drained into my body. Manipulating this excess of energy, I repaired my arm and the sleeve. Alexander watched with some amusement.   
  
"It's odd how you use most of that extra power to fix your clothes," he said with a smile. I grunted in response.  
  
"This coat costs money. I don't like to waste money." I finished and hopped off the railing. "C'mon, let's get going. We need to get to the shrine as soon as possible."  
  
"I would agree, but we haven't even docked yet." I glanced out and saw he was right. "It would seem our little display of power has...upset some people."   
  
He was right - there was a huge commotion in the town. I sighed and sat down. It looked to be a long day already, and it was only noon.   
  
When we finally docked, there was a huge crowd waiting for us at the dock. Hoping no one would know who we were, I waited calmly until several others had disembarked before hurrying off. I was halfway through the crowd when someone grabbed my arm. It was a young girl, and she was looking at me intently. "Hey, aren't you the guy who defeated the dragon?"  
  
"Um...no...?" I said with a bit of a forced smile. She peered at me with such intensity I near shook.  
  
"You are him, aren't you? I saw you defeat it!"  
  
Others were joining in with reports that they had seen me do the deed as well. Everyone was so intense about it that it was a bit shocking. "Aren't you the one?" the girl asked again.  
  
"Uh...well, I suppose you could say that, yeah..." I muttered halfway under my breath. This stirred the crowd into a frenzy.  
  
"How could you? That dragon was to defend our town from any evil that approaches! That can only mean you came here with an evil heart!"   
  
"But that also means that Alexander has an evil heart..." I stammered.  
  
"Not really," the priest said, appearing at my side. "I was sitting next to you. You were the one who initiated the attack. I just happened to help."  
  
"I hate you," I retorted. Someone in the crowd grabbed my collar, screaming in a ferocious rage. With a sigh, I reached out and lightly touched his head. The man froze for a moment, then grabbed his forehead and began to scream. This shut up everyone up nicely. They all stared at him in shock, drawing away from him and me. With a sigh, I pushed past the crowd and into the empty streets. Alexander fell in step with me.  
  
"A nightmare spell...quite cruel, isn't it?" I threw him a glare before focusing on the road. "It forces him to actually feel and live his worst nightmares. Quite horrible."  
  
"The spell will wear off in an hour. I don't have the power to support such a curse for very long." I glanced about the town. "We need to find some way of transportation to the shrine...it's too far away to walk."  
  
Alexander laughed. "Ah, Heath, you still aren't used to this world? There's no need for transportation!"  
  
"...there isn't?"  
  
"No! All we need to do is..."  
  
Quick screen fade, then world map view.  
  
"Enter the world map!"  
  
"Right, right...I forgot one can travel dozens of miles in mere seconds this way." I sighed. "Lead on, then, you're the one represented on the map."  
  
"Can do!" With that, Alexander began to wander south. I was about to point out that we needed to go west when we encountered a random battle.   
  
"Well, it's been a while since these have happened...what are we fighting?"  
  
"A bush and two trees."  
  
I sat down and wanted to cry from shame. "All I ever wanted to do was fight something that could kill us...but we haven't even been able to do that. Can't we fight just one thing that can actually kill us?"  
  
"Well, this is a pretty powerful tree..." I snapped my fingers and an inferno burst up from under the tree, killing it instantly. "...for a tree." The bush ran up to Alexander and began to nibble on his leg. He looked at it oddly and tapped it with his staff. The bush gave a wail and fell over, dead. The other tree looked like it was about to flee, so I threw my dagger at it. It died before the venom could even start acting on it. I retrieved my dagger as we were given a pitiful amount of EXP, and we returned to the world map.  
  
"I have this feeling that this continent is filled with incredibly weak monsters."  
  
"You may just be right! Only one way to find out!"  
  
With that began the long trek south, fighting off every pathetic monster that appeared. I wanted to kill either Alexander or myself, but couldn't do that due to the damn restriction of targeting other party members. Whoever decided on that was a fool.  
  
After about an hour, Alexander dusted off his hands and pulled out the map. "All right. That's done, so let's get moving! Don't want to keep him waiting, after all."  
  
"For one, he doesn't even know we're coming. For two, you were the one who decided we should walk around for an hour fighting weak things."  
  
"Ah, don't sweat the small details, you'll never grow up if you do." Alexander strolled off to the west, my body trapped in whatever space it is that other party members go to when they're on the world map. I grumbled to myself the entire way, wondering if this was really going to be enough of an adventure to be called a side-quest.  
  
In just a few short moments we reached the mountains. All good shrines are on mountains anyway, so we were expecting a climb. The mountain paths were narrow and the footing was bad, but we made up without much of any incident. Battles were scarce, and the enemies were of average strength. I began to worry.  
  
We crossed a bridge over a rather fearful-looking gorge and came into sight of the shrine. It was built into the side of the mountain, stretching several stories up. At the top was an enormous temple, with two large furnaces burning on each side of the entrance. The temple of Volcana, the Firebird.  
  
"Quite a sight, na..." Alexander said, leaning against the bridge post. "It's been a long time since I paid a visit to Volcana. Wonder if he'll still remember me."  
  
"If he doesn't, then it's a sign he's getting old," I said, closing my eyes and grinning. "That old bird will remember you, if for no other reason than because of me. C'mon, let's hurry this up. After that last side-story, we have desperate need of some action."  
  
"But the last one was good. I liked it. There was so much angst and pain!"  
  
"Yes, but the ending was rushed. They could have done a much better job on how they ended that section."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes! In the original script, there was supposed to be another dungeon and two more boss fights. They were supposed to fight the evil spirit of Camille, and instead of the rayth in the basement, there was supposed to be some tunnels that connected throughout the entire world. They were supposed to fight another boss in there."  
  
Alexander pulled out a small book and reread the ending of the last part. "You're right. I never even noticed, I was so caught up in the angst."  
  
"That's because you're bishounen. Angst screams out to you like a flytrap to a fly. Make with the going." With that, I grabbed Alexander by the collar and dragged him towards the shrine.  
  
As we neared the entrance, two Shrine Knights came out to meet us. I put on a more peaceful aura despite my natural tendencies, because even I don't want to have to fight Shrine Knights. They halted a few feet away and one raised a hand. "Who comes to this sacred shrine?"  
  
"We're two friends of Volcana," Alexander said casually. "We were wondering if we could come in and talk with him for a while."  
  
"You are Alexander and Heath, aren't you? Come, we have been expecting you. Follow us." With that, the two Knights turned and walked back into the shrine. We followed, a bit surprised. I nudged Alexander in the ribs.  
  
"Hey, did you send a message to him or something? I know I didn't."  
  
Alexander shrugged. "You know Volcana. He does these things all the time. That's one of the reasons we're here. He likes bands of Heroes trying to save the world."  
  
"...we aren't trying to save the world at all. We're more of a danger to it than any other evil out there."  
  
"Volcana doesn't sweat the small things."  
  
The Shrine Knights led us up a long, twisting stairway that eventually brought us to the top. The Shrine of Volcana loomed above us, shining a bright hue of red in the bright sunlight. The Shrine Knights didn't hesitate, walking right into the shrine without a word. Alexander and I followed slowly, a bit hesitant.   
  
As we stepped into the shrine, I politely removed my hat and took off my sunglasses. Alexander slipped off his sandals as I removed my boots and placed everything next to the doorway. We then strode forward, the chill of the floor biting into our bare feet, but we made no complaint.   
  
In the center of the shrine stood a huge statue of a giant bird, its wings flecked and flowing like pure fire. Its large head was positioned so that it stared right at you as soon as you entered. The two of us stared right back, the only sound the faint crackling of the flames.   
  
After a long time, I opened my mouth to greet Volcana when Alexander suddenly said, "Oissu, Vol! How's it going on your side?" I promptly fell on my face.  
  
"Alexander...you still have no manners when addressing your superiors," boomed Volcana's enormous voice. Alexander just smiled back. I dragged myself back to my feet, wondering why I was really here. "And why have you two traveled this far to this shrine?"  
  
"Don't you know?" Alexander's smile became slightly mysterious. "'That time' is on the winds..."   
  
"'That time'..." Volcana mused, tasting the words. The air was getting heavy with exposition.  
  
"But before that, let's talk life! How've you been, Vol?" I fell on my face again. "How's the wife? Kids? Brother?"  
  
"Alexander..." Volcana boomed menacingly. "There is a time for these things, and now is not it." I could feel his gaze shift over to me. "Heath...I can sense your power has grown immensely since last we met. The time for 'meeting' is almost at hand?"  
  
"Closer than anyone can predict," I said calmly. "Like Alexander said, 'that time' is on it's way...and the closer it gets, the more 'they' become restless."  
  
"As I feared..." Volcana sighed. "Recently I have felt the 'waves' from the 'Animus'. It will only be a matter of time before these 'waves' react with the 'Anima'."  
  
"But it would seem that the 'Animus' are not the 'true Animus' - just replacements for the time being." I muttered under my breath.  
  
"The 'Anima' are still sealed off, right?" Alexander asked?  
  
"Yes, for now," Volcana replied. "However, we must soon find a way to reseal 'them'. There are ill omens on the 'horizon', and with each passing day 'evil' takes another step into our world. Should 'evil' be able to locate 'them', there will be disaster."  
  
"And if 'they' are located, we would have to unseal the 'Animus' ourselves." I finished.  
  
"In your current states, there would be no way you could stop 'them' - even with the 'Animus'. We need the 'Anima' to awaken first."  
  
"The chances of 'that happening' are low..."  
  
"I'm getting tired of putting apostrophes around everything," Alexander whined. "Can't we talk like normal people?" I fell over again.  
  
"Are you stupid? If we talked normally, then everyone would know what we mean!" Alexander made a pouting face and glanced to the side.  
  
"Well, as it is, we three know what's happening, right?" he asked.  
  
"For the most part."  
  
"And we know what we mean, right?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"So then..." Alexander poked his index fingers together. "Why do WE need to talk in these weird riddles? It's not like someone is listening in to what we're saying, and even if they did, they still wouldn't understand. All this is doing is making it inconvenient for us to talk normally."  
  
I stared at Alexander with unblinking eyes for a while. "Why is it..." I asked slowly, "that I of all people know why we do this, and yet I can't understand a single thing about this entire world?"  
  
"But I don't get it."  
  
"That's fine, then," I sighed, slapping a hand on his shoulder. "Just...go take a walk or something. All we need to do is end this conversation."  
  
"I can do that." With that, he promptly turned around and walked out. After he left, I broke out the script and peered at it.   
  
"Now then...where did we leave off?"  
  
"I think it was around the needing the Animus to awaken," Volcana said, peering over my shoulder at the script.   
  
"We'll start from there, then...it's your line here." I pointed to the line and moved the page closer to the flame so he could read it.   
  
"Alright...' In your current states, there would be no way you could stop 'them' - even with the 'Animus'. We need the 'Anima' to awaken first'."  
  
"The chances of 'that happening' are low..."  
  
"And I'll take this line...'We need to find the 'source of power' before anything else can be done'."  
  
Around then, Alexander came back in. "Uh, guys? Something's going on down the mountain..."  
  
"Hold up, we're almost done here...'I guess that will have to be our next goal'. Whoa, a line without any apostrophes."  
  
"'Then talk to the Shrine Master, he will tell you how to get there'. There, that should do it." Volcana stretched his neck and yawned. "Wow, it's been a long time...I think I'll take a nap. If there's anything wrong, gimme a call. G'night." With that, the Firebird fell asleep.  
  
"Now then..." I said, standing. "What's going on, exactly?"  
  
"Well, there's this big group of guys climbing the mountain, see? They look pretty dangerous and all, and from what I can tell they're from the Empire."  
  
"Empire?" I blinked in surprise. "That's odd. What kind of business would they have here? Let me take a look at this." We walked out of the shrine and I collected my belongings. As I tied one boot, Alexander popped a coin into one of the pay telescopes that lined the edge. He moved it around a bit, then motioned for me.  
  
"Here, take a look." Still tying my boot, I hopped over and peered in.  
  
Alexander was right - they were definitely from the Empire. It looked like about thirty soldiers climbing the mountain towards the shrine. "This is odd..." I muttered. "Why would they even come here? It's not like you can expect to storm a place like this." A sudden thought came to mind. Dropping my other boot, I grabbed the telescope and moved it to look at the city. Sure enough, there were at least a dozen of the Empire's ships there, and the city was filled with soldiers. I clicked my tongue. "Looks like removing that curse was a bad idea after all..."  
  
"What happened?" Alexander asked.  
  
"Seems the Empire finally made its move. They've already taken the city, and I imagine this group coming here is here to lay claim to the shrine." I moved the telescope back to look at the soldiers closing in. As I did, I noticed someone standing on top of one of the higher formations. It was a woman, standing with her back to me, dressed in a loose red shirt and tight brown pants with a green kerchief around her neck. A blue cloak rested on her slim shoulders. Her shoulder-length brown hair was blowing freely in the wind. She turned and brushed her hair out of her face, and for a brief moment she looked right at me and I saw her face. Just then, the time ran out of the telescope and all I was seeing was blackness.  
  
I was sweating, but at the same time a low chuckle come from my throat. "So..." I muttered, still chuckling, leaning back, my face shadowed by my hair. "The tide is about to come in, huh...?" Alexander gave me an odd look.  
  
"What's going on?" he asked. I stood up quickly.   
  
"You ran out of time," I said pointedly, gesturing to the telescope.  
  
"Dammit! That was my last quarter!" Alexander jumped to his feet. "We'll just have to go and fight them and take their money! Come, Heath!" With that, Alexander grabbed my by the collar and dragged my down the stairs, with one boot still in my hands.  
  
We reached the front door soon enough, but by the time we had, the soldiers had also made it there and were giving their warnings. "Surrender, and your lives will be spared! If you resist, we will attack!" The soldier how was shouted looked like the leader of the squad, and he was standing on a boulder.  
  
"Do they really expect to be able to take this place by themselves?" Alexander asked, looking into the sky with a finger on his chin. I hurriedly tied my other boot on and jumped up.   
  
"I'd like to see you try!" I shouted, waving a fist at him. "I could take you all on with one hand!"  
  
"What?! How dare you! Your insolence shall be punished!" the captain screamed back. "Prepare to attack!" Before anyone could do anything else, I fired a ball of dark power at him and blew the boulder up, sending him wailing down the mountain.  
  
"Come out, bitch!" I shouted. "I know you're there!"  
  
There was a pause, and nothing happened. I scratched my chin curiously. "Hmm...maybe I was wrong? I could've sworn it was her."  
  
"They killed the Captain! Attack!" The soldiers all ran to their preset starting positions and waited. It wasn't like it would be a hard fight - there were just a lot of them. As Alexander and I prepared to fight, there was suddenly a shouted of "Wait!" from somewhere.  
  
From nowhere, a group of five warriors showed up: three men and two women. Of the men, there was an archer, a priest, and a wandering hero. The girls were a knight and a sorceress. It was very stereotypical.  
  
"I won't let the evil Empire have their way! Come on, guys! Let's teach them a lesson!" There was a cry of support from the others, and they took their positions.  
  
"Um..." I strolled over to the wandering hero. "Not to butt in on your fun, but this is our fight. You guys have nothing to do with this."  
  
"Don't worry about us!" he said, flashing a gleaming smile that hurt my eyes. "We've sworn to fight the evil Empire, no matter what the cost! We'll assist you in this battle!"  
  
"Well, I don't mind help, I guess..." With that done, I walked back to my place and waited.   
  
The priest was first to go, and he walked forward a bit and held his ground. The sorceress was next, and she did the same. Alexander was after her, and he moved as close as his movement would allow before casting Protect on himself. Then it was my turn. I moved a long ways and targeted the closest soldier. The screen switched to a movie style with the two black bars on top and bottom, and I threw several darts at the soldier, dealing average damage. Next was-  
  
"Wait a minute! Darts?! When the hell did I use darts?!"  
  
-the wandering hero, who moved a fair distance before stopping. Then the soldiers went. We waited patiently as each individual soldier took their turn, one by one. Then the knight moved, and it was back to the top.  
  
"This could go on for a long time."  
  
The priest did nothing except move. The sorceress moved farther up and targeted a large area. Switch to the fighting screen, in which she cast Firestorm. All the soldiers caught in it were heavily damaged. Then Alexander went. He moved slightly and targeted a soldier that was still at full health, and cast Holy Pyre, which killed him right out. My turn. I targeted a large area and cast Flood of Darkness. All enemies were crushed by the wave, and most of them died.  
  
The wandering hero was next. He rushed in and attacked the closest soldier, who was already weakened by the sorceress. The soldier died painfully. With that, the remaining soldiers all converged on us and started attacking. After about twenty turns of this, the knight finally went. She ran in and hit a soldier, who died. Back to the top.  
  
The priest healed the wandering hero, who had been hit quite a few times last round. The sorceress targeted a smaller area, and cast Blizzard. All the soldiers were killed on the spot. Alexander targeted a large area, concentrated, and was surrounded by several glowing balls. "Oh, no..." I muttered.  
  
"Summon Mara!" he shouted, and we all disappeared.  
  
Something came shooting in from the heavens. Mara slammed into the ground, damaging all the nearby enemies. Oblivious to the soldiers, she started up a fire and began roasting an egg. The fire dealt more damage. She ate the egg as soon as it was done, and gave a mighty belch, which hurt them again. With that, she pulled out a bottle of beer and downed it all in one gulp. Very tipsy from that, she flew off, but ran into a mountain, causing another wave of damage to the soldiers. As we reappeared, I grabbed Alexander by the collar. "Never do that again."  
  
"You got any better idea on how to get rid of these guys quicker?"  
  
With that all done, it was finally my turn again. I stared at the remaining soldiers with disgust. "Ah, hell, let's end this now."  
  
"Dark Mastery!" I shouted, my voice echoing throughout the mountains. "Endless Rain!" Dark power came smashing down on the soldiers like a torrent, tearing them to shreds. As I watched the enemy perish, a long line of flesh on my left arm suddenly tore apart, spraying blood. I cringed and clutched my arm, and the spell ended.   
  
I slid to one knee in pain, doing my best not to be noticed by the five warriors. I tried to gather up some spare power, but the pain was a bit extreme.   
  
"Quite the display of power, there."  
  
Alexander knelt next to me and extended a hand, smiling. "You should really be a bit more careful with the level of power you're using right now. It's still to early to use the more powerful skills." His hand glowed for a moment, and the skin was mostly healed. "This is the best I can do for you."  
  
I gave him a shifty grin. "Worry about your own skin for now," I said, standing. As I did, the sound of evil laughter filled the air. Everyone instantly went alert, looking around for the source of the laughter.   
  
"Where are you? Show yourself!" the wandering hero cried.  
  
Without any warning, she did. It was her - the same woman I had seen earlier through the telescope. She was standing on a rock high up, looking down at us with a smirk. Our eyes met, and I gave a hideous grin. She simply smirked back and turned away with a flourish of her cloak.  
  
"Who was that...?" the archer asked worriedly.  
  
"A new opponent has appeared," the wandering hero said in a deep voice. "And now our heroes stand before the evil Empire as they begin their conquest of the world. They must stand true against the forces of evil! Be strong, Wandering Five! Never give up!" With that, the five of them flew off into the sunset.  
  
"It's still day time," I said calmly.  
  
"Let them live in their dreams," Alexander advised. "Putting that aside, you know her, don't you?" I grinned and said nothing. "She's who I think she is, isn't she? We'll be running into her again, I imagine."  
  
I simply smiled that hideous smile and stared into the distance. "The tide has come in...and it's time to set sail on the waves of fate."   
  
To be continued...  
  
"That last line sounded pretty mystic, didn't it?"  
  
"It wasn't bad. A little cheesy, though."  
  
"Yeah, but I was short on time. Best I could come up with."  
  
"It works in a pinch." 


End file.
